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Written By: Bryan Kremkau |
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Best CDs:
Flogging Molly- "Within a Mile of Home"
Great Big Sea- “Something Beautiful”
Mad Caddies- "Live from Toronto: Songs in he Key of Eh"
Me First and The Gimme Gimmes- “Ruins Johny’s Bar Mitzvah”
Pistol Grip- “Tear it All Down”
Rise Against- "Siren Song of the Counter Culture"
Team America: World Police soundtrack
Tiger Army- “Ghost Tigers Rise”
Best Song To listen to while jumping off a building:
Avril Lavigne “Fall to Pieces”
Best Song to play while having sex:
William Hung’s “She Bangs”
Best CD to take on your vacation in Iran:
“How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb,”U2
Best CD title that fits George W Bush:
“American Idiot”
Best Country Album:
Charlie McHickster- “Fucked My Sister and Then Her Dog”
Best Christian Goth Album Title:
“Jesus, I’m Depressed”
Best TV Shows:
I still think 24 is the best series on TV right now. Each episode is filled with intense, action packed scenes, and Jack Bauer is such a bad ass! Plus Elisha Cuthbert is smoking hot!
Runner-Ups:
- Ghosthunters
- Arrested Development
- Las Vegas
- Coupling (UK)
Shows I’d Probably Like But Haven’t watched Yet:
- Lost
- Rescue Me
- Deadwood
Best Movies: Comedies:
- Euro Trip (I think I watched this flick 8 times already)
- Anchorman (The epic battle scene is worth price of admission alone!)
- Team America (funny music and the puppet sex scene was priceless)
- Passion of the Christ
Best Movies: Other films:
- The Incredibles (Excellent CGI animation, good plot and likeable characters)
- Bourne Supremacy (Cool action scenes, smart plot, good performances from the actors)
- Kill Bill Vol. 2 (I liked this better than the first film. Just everything about it)
- Shrek 2 (Just as funny as the first film. Puss in Boots rocks!)
- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of the Azkaban. (Darker, better CGI, but more importantly: an older Herimone)
Best Toy:
The Liberator
A Toy that Looks like a Penis:
Aquapets: Blotto
Best Video Game of 2004:
Tony Hawk Underground 2 was fun to play. So was Call of Duty: Finest Hour.
Best Death:
No, not a real one, but seeing Jean-Claude Van Damme getting killed on Las Vegas was pretty fucking funny.
Best Sex Tape:
There were so many sex tapes but I think Paris Hilton’s wins. She’s been a very naughty naughty girl. Jenna Lewis’ sex tape is in 2nd place because of her slutty potty mouth.
Best Saying of 2004:
“Don’t forget Poland.”
Best Book:
Encyclopedia Britannica: G: This book rocked!! I especially love the first chapter because of the main character’s love affair with Geena. It tends to drag in the middle though, but the ending sure makes up for it! Books are stupid.
Best website:
Bestiality.com is such a great website! Awesome layout & design, fun and exciting content for the whole family to enjoy. I can spend hours and hours on there and you should too!
Best DVDs:
Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Extended Edition DVD is clearly the best DVD that I watched this year. It took forever for it to get released but it was worth the wait. The extra footage was cool to see, and the extras are so in-depth.
Runner-Ups:
Anchorman
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Master and Commander: Far Side of the World
Seinfeld Seasons 1-3
Stars Wars Trilogy
The Simpsons- The Complete Fourth Season
The Simpsons- The Complete Fifth Season
Celebrities I’d Love To Screw:
- Female cast of Firefly
- Rachel Perry
- Leeann Tweeden
- Nikki Cox
- Kirsten Dunst
Worst word of 2004:
"Flip-flop." The next person that says, “flip-flop”in front of me, I’m gonna flip-flop my cock in their face!
Worst word of 2004 Part II:
“Rock opera.”Stop using the term music critics; you’re not hip...And it’s Green Day, they aren’t the fucking Beatles okay!
Worst CDs:
Anything that is considered: emo, indie rock, nu-metal, post-hardcore, post-punk, post-post, screamo, garage, hillbilly rock and anything else I had to review this year.
Worst Album But the Album everyone thinks is brilliant: William Shatner- “Has been.”Someone talking isn’t singing okay. Go back to making mediocre TV shows Bill.
Worst Sport:
Hockey…you greedy assholes! START PLAYING ALREADY!
Worst Techno Album Title:
“Bleeps and Boops”
Worst Movie:
Van Helsing. What a piece of shit. If I wanted to watch crappy-looking monsters, I’d turn on Oprah.
Worst Video Game:
Call of Duty: Attack of the Canucks
Worst Food I Had This Year:
Dunkin Donuts bagel with butter. I ended up shitting 20 pounds out of my body for 3 hours at work.
Worst State:
Texas. Thanks to Houston rain, my flight out of Vegas was delayed for over 3 hours. Screw you Texas!
Second Worst State:
New Jersey. You people don't know how to fucking drive!
Celebrities that need a giant safe to fall on top of them:
- Ashton Kutcher- if you started the trucker hat trend, then eat SAFE bastard!
- Star Jones- My toilet probably smells nicer than you.
- Rosie O’ Donnell- You’re loud, you’re ugly…Just like a garbage truck. Sorry, didn’t mean to insult the garbage truck.
- Enimem- Yo Yo G, why don’t you end up like Tupac and Biggie already.
- Courtney Love- Even hardcore heroin addicts know you are a fuck up.
- Bill O’Reilly- Why don’t you start growing a Hitler mustache, I think it’s more fitting.
- Oprah - For giving away all those fucking cars and not inviting me to that show. She probably owns the safe anyway.
- Paris Hilton: As long as she videotapes the death.
- Donald Trump: Anyone who’s known as “The Donald”should die a horrible death. His hair will probably survive though.
- Howard Stern: Either way, you’ll still look like an old lady.
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