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Written By: Bryan Kremkau |
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I ventured into Scranton PA last year and this year for some Halloween fun with Matt to meet up with our college buddie Frank. Who does things on this site as well, but not often because he sucks. The first tale is from last year (2001) and this year (2002), though it's not as funny as last year's story.
The day started out with Matt and I went to Scranton to hang out with Frank for the day and just do stuff around Scranton like eat and go out to places like the mall since that's basically all you can do there. We played at this mini-golf/go-carts place for a little bit until our balls got stuck in a log. That sounds good right? After our balls got stuck in this water log thing, we began havoc on the mini-golf course by jumping on the rocks and pretending we're sand people from Star Wars and whacking rocks into the parking lot. We also were playing speed golf and annoying the other mini-golfers. You should have seen the faces of the people that worked there after we gave them no balls back and just our clubs. Haha.
After that debacle, we went to our old college, Keystone College in in the middle of fucking nowhere called La Plume. Why did I go to this place anyway? It takes 15 minutes just to reach some sort of town. We drove around the campus real quick and reminisced. Eventually Frank wanted to take us to this Halloween Terror thing in the parking lot at the Mall in Dickison City.
We waited around for it to get dark out and we get there and there's a huge line of kids and parents. I think we waited on line longer than the walk through. The thing is, even if this was lame, Matt and I are big time pussies. Especially when it comes to scary things and things in the dark. Frank went to this thing before we got there so he knew what to expect. He kept teasing us on line and getting us more scared and what to expect. As we were waiting on line, A guy dressed up like a werewolf, who actually looked really good, would come down running down the platform when people weren't paying attention on line and scared the hell out of me a few times. One minute on line, I'd be talking to frank, and then I turn around and see Dracula or someone standing near me. That was weird but didn't freak me out that much.
It was our turn to go in, and unfortunately we weren't going by ourselves. We got grouped with a bunch of 12 year old girls who were scared out of their minds. You've seen the movies, those are the type of girls that get hacked into pieces first, I was soooo happy they were with us to slow us down. We enter the building thing, that has fire shooting out and is pretty big. I believe it folds up into a trailer but I didn't really look into that close. Okay, we get in and there's this weird looking guy with a black cloak on, telling us to get in and yelling at us. I can barely see a thing because it's so dark. Frank tells my stupid ass to go up those stairs in the corner. Gullible me goes and tries. I walk up the first step and then the next and look up and see someone coming out me but doesn't touch me. I bang my head. It ended up being a damn mirror that I banged my head and me coming out me. That was a cool effect though. I called Frank a dick and then we all stood there trying to think of what to do next. The girls with us were giggling with fright and the weird guy yells at the girls "MOVE!!!" and we open some door and enter the next room. I forget what was in there, but I think we had to walk through some hole. We did that and had a few people jumped up and scare us. Big deal.
We kept going and entered a super dark room. At this point, I can't see a damn thing and I had 3 or 4 little girls on my back, grabbing onto my shirt scared out of their minds. They go "Oh hi, I hope it's okay that we grab a hold of you." I grunted like get off me already you stupid girls. They were steering me into the walls and I was yelling "Get off me!! You're dragging me into the walls!!" And while this is happening, Matt and Frank are up ahead. Matt can't see anything either and is searching around for something and finds Frank's hand. haha. Frank goes "Are you holding my hand?", Matt replies "....yeah." Frank's answer to that was "Fag" and they both laughed. We still joke about that part to this day. We continue in the dark room, Me with the little girls on my back and Frank and Matt ahead of me. I screamed out to Frank and Matt, "Hey, I got 3 girls on my back right now, haha." I hear in the back of me "Not for long!!!!!" (chainsaw noise) and the girls screamed because they saw a guy with a chainsaw in their hands. At this point, I said to myself, fuck these girls and took off trying to find my way out of there. Apparently Frank and Matt bolted and I was stuck with these stupid teenager girls. I think Matt said he saw a kid with a Mike Myers mask on and pushed him out of the way.
I caught up to Frank and Matt towards the end and a Goth girl popped up and me being a wiseass said "you're hot" and found my way out of the Halloween walk through thing. And preceded to laugh my balls off for a half hour because of those girls on my back and Matt holding Frank's hand.
(10/2002)
Now last weekend we went to Scranton again, and meet up with Frank, Frank's girlfriend Christine and another college friend James. We did the usual thing of going around Scranton and doing nothing for 6 hours. But it was still fun to catch up on old times. We made our way to a Haunted Hayride in the middle of nowhere, though it was close to Scranton. 10 fucking dollars for this thing, I don't think it was worth it though. This one I wasn't as scared as last time. I guess because we didn't have to walk through the dark and there was a bunch of other people with us.
I'm sitting next to Christine and some kid I don't know. It's about 8:30 now and really dark out. Nice moon in the background and we start to enter the woods on the farmland. I looked out in the fields, and I see this white thing standing there. I was looking at it for a few minutes and seeing if it moved. But it looked like it was moving, but they it didn't. I was being a sarcastic dick so I screamed out that it was the Klan. I laughed, don't know if anyone else did. Then it looked like the sheet was disappearing and then reappearing. Your eyes play tricks on you when you're in the dark. It ended up being just a white sheet on a pole. The tractor was moving and getting bumpy and I yelled at "My hemorrhoids!!" I'll do anything for a laugh basically, even if it's me saying I have hemorrhoids. When in fact, I don't.
We proceeded into the woods and they got all the corny skeletons sitting by a fire type of thing. And eventually some rednecks with mask on climb up on the side of the tractor and screamed out at you. Though they did never climbed near me but on the other side and by the kids. There was two kids who were annoying and ask the guys in mask to give them a hi-five. I laughed when they didn't and yelled in their face. We passed some more skeletons, but this time they were playing the bagpipes and Frank screamed out "Hey, it's the Dropkick Murphys!" and I laughed. The rednecks with mask kept jumping up on the tractor and I kept being a wiseass. Every guy that the tractor went by, I'd go "Hey, what's up" all non-scared like because I'm so tough. Haha.
What did scare me though was not the corny redneck masked guys but when we pulled under this metal thing, it made a noise like it was going to fall on us. Another thing that I wasn't expecting was this loud tin noise from the side. I jumped because I wasn't expecting it, like I said stupid. We then entered this barn and I knew this was going to be fun (note:sarcasm). The doors close, and the music from Bram Stoker's Dracula is playing. The lights go out and immediately start feeling hands around my neck and touching my hair. I was cringing and trying to smack away the hands. And then a strobe light came blinking on and Christine decided to play a trick on me and was freaking me out that whole time by touching my head. I smacked her shoulder and called her a bitch haha. Ya know, jokingly, not in a mean way. Guys started jumping on the tractor and over the top of us, this huge mechanical spider that was lame as shit started to move. Then I got freaked out again when I heard a chainsaw. The chainsaw was getting closer and it...It touched my ass!!! I screeched out like a girl and jumped up a little bit. Of course there was no chain around it so the chainsaw just vibrated but it still freaked me out because I wasn't expecting it to touch my ass. I think it went around the whole tractor pull. I heard Matt scream out when it touched him.."Hey that guy stole my wallet!!!" ya know, to be funny...After that, guys get in your face when the lights go in and out but didn't do it to me because they knew I'd punch them. Actually they had a sign on the line saying ride at your own risk so I was getting happy that I get to hit some guys in mask and then saw another sign down the other side of the line saying you'll be arrested if you hit any of the "actors." I was like "damn!" So after the barn thing, that was basically it. It was kind of lame and not worth ten dollars. I'm sure there is better hayrides out there. This was m first one so I can't compare.
But those are my stories. I guess you had to be there to find this funny. I just wanted to write some stories about Halloween so there ya go. |
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