Once, way back in that delightful high-rolling decade known as the 90’s, I was a bored kid who had his own pointless website on the totally free web space provided by that delightful America Online. I don’t remember too much about it, but one article I do remember was called Adventures in Cleaning a Closet. Basically, I had cleaned my closet, found some long-lost stuff, and decided this was interesting enough for a vaguely smartass article for the consumption of the general public.
Well, now that I have a snazzy new job I hope to move in a few months, and in preparation for this I have decided to sell off a lot of my old, long-boxed-and-stuck-in-the-closet stuff. Why? More backup money in the bank, less stuff to haul around. Pretty simple, right?
I'm a bit timid about the idea. This is my lifetime collection I'm considering dismantling. All kinds of collected trinkets, toys, and other assorted collectibles have been taking up room in boxes for so much time it’s not even funny. Being the Star Wars nerd that I am, I naturally have boxes upon boxes of collected figures and other random crap (and I do mean crap). Of course, I’ll probably never part with ALL of this stuff, and as it is, I’m only getting rid of, maybe, a third of my collection. I’m also planning to get rid of a lot of books.
Why, if I was so intent on collecting this stuff, has it been sitting in my closet? I’d like to say I’d matured to the point that I no longer desire toys or other goofy collectibles, but that’s just hooey. It’d be more accurate to say my tastes have matured. Random 3.5” Star Wars action figures have given way to highly detailed Sideshow or RAH 1/6 scale collectibles. Same with Transformers, with years of random older ones being replaced by far more detailed and, dare I say it, stunning modern versions like the Masterpiece or Alternators lines. Random cool-looking toys are being replaced by more beautiful and detailed PVC statues. Even with the books – ratty old used paperbacks or cheaply produced hardcovers are giving way to fancy long-lasting editions from publishers like Easton Press or the Folio Society.
So here I am, shoving aside piles of old books and going through my boxes, and it’s just depressing seeing all this random useless crap that I thought was so awesome and collectible. I found a bunch of Beanie Babies – the “OMG SUPER RARE THESE ARE GOING TO BE WORTH HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS!!” ones that I’d picked up during my time selling the stupid things at Fuzziwig’s – and they’re all completely valueless now. Sure, I’ll admit there are a couple that I actually like, such as the green four-leaf-clover bear or that adorable red dog, but still. I have boxes of stuff like that – stuff that was supposed to become valuable and highly collectible but was completely devalued in a more collection-conscious world. Comic books, action figures, even collector’s plates. I’m kind of glad I don’t have huge binders full of otherwise worthless baseball cards anymore. Looking back on all my hopes for my various collections, I just get depressed.
So far I’ve been mostly looking through Star Wars related boxes, I just sigh at the countless wasted dollars that had been spent on figures that were displayed for a year or two only to be stuffed away in a box for several more years. I don’t even understand my own collection. If I put all my Greedos and Jar Jars together, they’d count over a dozen, and I don’t even like those two characters. Don't even get me started on how thrilled I was every time they released a new "Darth Vader In Slightly Different Pose!" figure. I was a total slave to the “collector’s market”, buying up anything that might be cool to have, anything with those special brands attached. While I’m still taken over by this impulse on occasion, it’s largely been reigned in.
I suppose I should be handing out trite watered-down tidbits bastardized from highly philosophical, thoughtful sayings about how possessions are the cause of unhappiness, or something along those lines. But that would be a load of crock, as they say. Every day I’m at war with myself over this. Part of me truly does believe that that all this ‘stuff’ is ultimately useless, and that there are better ways to spend my money and energy. But you know what? Most of me still thinks it’s just to damn cool to give up completely. I know, somewhere deep down, that I’ll just be getting rid of all this junk only to replace it with more junk that will eventually wear out its welcome. I know, somewhere deep down, that this is all a waste. But what can I say? This is part of who I am. I’m a collector by my very nature, and I’m nowhere near the level of enlightenment or discipline that will allow me to transcend all this collecting. Perhaps someday I will get there, but for now all I can do is shake my head at the boxes, turn around, look up at my shelves, and say “Damn, that is one awesome Masterpiece Megatron.” |
