Bryan & Conan Go to White Castle

I decided to take a half day off (sort of) from work, and go to Late Night with Conan O’ Brien. The plan was to finish off the day with some White Castle. My friends had an extra ticket to go see Conan and asked me to go. Well no, I invited myself since I never saw the tall Irish giant before, so I had to go!

I left work at 12pm and met Paul & his girlfriend V at my parent’s house. We then picked up V’s friend Cindy, who lives in a cool/creepy apartment. It used to be an old mental ward so you can imagine the type of wackos that lived there. “Fuck This” was carved into the door of her closet. If I was stuck in a mental ward, I’d probably carve tic-tac-toe games in the walls. Maybe hangman and play with my imaginary roommate Charlie. But anyway, we made our way down to the bus station in Ridgefield, NJ. We waited in the terminal till the cranky bus driver picked us up. Thankfully no one was on the bus besides a few others. It was freezing on the bus, since the emergency hatch was flapping in the wind and there were holes in the back door. I never like to go on buses because it brings back bad memories of school trips. Imagine going on a 2 hour college art trip on a bus, from Scranton PA to NYC. BUT with a bunch of hippies, stinking of “hippie juice” or Petruli, watching stupid anime and smoking cigarettes with the windows closed. It was a fucking nightmare. That’s one reason why I hate buses, but my friends wanted to save 5 bucks so we didn’t drive in.

The bus arrived at the Port Authority, and now it was time to walk in the wind tunnel known as New York City. Holy crapola, it was freakin’ cold! It had to be 20 below with the wind chill, and we had a few blocks to walk. We stopped at some tourist center to get warm. V and Cindy decided to play with this video camera thingy. You take a video of yourself and you can email it to yourself or friend. They started to jump up & down and I thought that was boring. So I went over and started doing the robotic breakdancer from Chaphelle Show. I’m funny, I know. It was time to press on and wait in line for hours for Conan…

Before going inside, We watched the ice skaters at Rockefeller. I was hoping to see some jackass fall on their ass but no. I guess I can’t get everything in life. I wanted to go down there and pretend I couldn’t skate for shit, and then 5 minutes later, start doing tricks and skating around people. I thought that would have been fun but I didn’t have time to do that. We check out the NBC store with the overpriced coffee mugs and overstock of Friends merch before heading upstairs to wait in line. From 3 pm til 4:30, we waited on line. We played 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon til it got boring, then we went on to another game. It sucks having to kill time. We herded into the metal detectors section and thankfully, I didn’t have to stop and take off my belt. I always seem to set those things off. Good thing they don’t know my whole body is made up of exoskeleton.

We finally got inside the set and got seated in the 2nd row. Cindy and I were on the left from the aisle, and Paul and V were on the other side of the aisle. Eventually, Brian, one of the character actors (Preparation H. Raymond) came out and warmed up the crowd. He was pretty funny and asked the crowd where they were from. You know, the usual bullshit. Next he introduced the Max Weinberg 7 and they came out and did a few songs. People awkwardly started to clap along, and then stop 30 seconds after.

Brian said Conan just got done with his bag of coke, and Conan came out and said hi to the crowd. He came up and shook our hands, including mine! Yeah, what’s up bitches! Conan started to dance and pointed to Paul to join him in a dance. Paul jumped and started to almost grind on him. Conan jumped back and scream “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?” Paul said “you told me to dance.” Or something along those lines. Conan said he was getting a little bit too sexual and then Conan apologized. He said Paul needed a hug and they proceeded to hug each other. Paul thought he was done hugging him and started to back away but Conan was still holding onto him. Conan asked Paul if V was his girlfriend, and then he started to growl at her haha. Conan said Paul should go up and hug an audience member, which he did. He was some big fat guy and hugged him very quickly might I add! Conan started to talk to the people in front of us, and said they weren’t even looking at him. After that, he picked on Paul some more and told him to go down on the set and hug Max. Max said something to Paul, and hugged him. And gave him his drumsticks. Conan said to treasure those sticks because you won’t find those anywhere else. Max then whipped out another pair of drumsticks haha. I’m sure they do this every show but it was cool that Paul got picked on.

The show started and it was funny as hell. I haven’t been able to watch Conan too much since I started working. Thankfully it’s back in syndication on CNBC at 7pm. Heidi Klum, Harland Williams and Joss Stone were the guest. Conan did some funny SAT analogies and they were some gems in there. Heidi Klum came out and I really like her. I used to have posters and calendars of her. She was looking good but seemed kind of bitchy on the show. Usually she seems adorable and innocent but now she seems like a snob. It’s probably because she’s been Sealed. Can’t believe she’s gonna marry Seal. I’ve seen rocks more attractive than that dude. What the hell is she thinking? Harland Williams was next and he’s always weird on the show. Always making people cringe with his jokes. Either really awful humor or just bad jokes. Joss Stone was next, and I didn’t even know who she was until yesterday. She’s hot but I’d rather listen to the barking dogs sing jingle bells than her music. The show got over, and the Conan staff told us to remove the bracelets they gave us. I said, “next they are going to zap our brains so we have no memory of the show.” Some audience members seemed to laugh at that one.

It was still cold outside, but now we had to run back to the Port Authority to catch the 7pm bus. I felt like Cartman, being chubby & slow, and unable to breathe, trailing the rest of the group. We made the 7pm bus just in time and had to stand since nobody wanted to fucking move in and give us a seat. I hate people! So why not be loud and annoying on the bus, which is exactly what we did. We got back into the car and made our way to White Castle. I’ve only eaten their once and wasn’t really impressed. Paul loves it and was craving it all day. I order the number #1 (4 burgers, fries and soda) and ate that in less than 5 minutes. I honestly don’t know what the big deal is with White Castle. The burgers are paper thin, and I wouldn’t even consider that a burger. If White Castle is known for one thing, it’s for making you shit a whole lot. That’s pretty much where the story continues and ends kids.