Your Favourite Band Sucks: Mars Volta
Review of Amputechture by the Mars Volta
Prog rock was never cool. And while lead singer Cedric Bixler-Zavala of neo-prog rock band the Mars Volta has one of the coolest white-guy fros in rock music, that doesn’t mean his band can crap out a disc of music as shitty as their newest album Amputechture. Nearly unlistenable and a struggle to finish at 76 minutes, someone forgot to tell the group that having Spanish song titles and extended feedback solos does not mean that your music is challenging’ or diverse’. It mostly means that it sucks.
What’s worse is that they advertise that the coked up dude from the Red Hot Chili Peppers did some guitar noodlery on the album. If anything, they should do their best to conceal that. Now the album’s more tainted than ever. Quite frankly, Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music is far more soothing than the fucking obnoxious blasts of gratuitous noise. No, not the guitar sound – I’m talking about Bixler’s voice. It’s nine times as bad as the sound of mice slowly being grated against an electric washboard. Yes, nine times.
I shudder to think that this is what has become of At The Drive-In. Bixler’s voice has only gotten more annoying, and 17 minute song runtimes really just prove that you can take a 30 second song idea you came up with while high and play it just slow enough that it gets through to crack-addicted potheads. That is really the only logical audience for this album; I bet if you watch it at the same time as Half Baked you’ll notice that every time someone smokes up, a music reviewer dies of boredom and fear that people may actually like this.
Luckily I’ve had practice with shitty music and am almost immune. But for a while the little sci-fi noises in the background were getting to me. I was sure I was beamed up to the planet this fucking band came from….probably Jupiter or wait – Mars. But personally I think that’s an insult to Mars Bars. Maybe they should change their name to the Pluto Volta because in the same way said planet got rejected, this band should be ejected from our solar system.
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Fuck you
shut the fuck up, you fucking suck.
go eat a fucking dick.
listen to your fucking bullshit 4/4, 3/4 timing bands you fucking faggot.
I thought you had to know something about music to review it?
I whole heartedly agree Mars Volta is terrible
You’re really smart. Sorry that every band in the world can’t be Nickleback of Creed. And the “coked up dude from the Red Hot Chili Peppers” is actuall one of the greatest musicians of our time. Quit listening to Papa Roach and think thats how all music should be. Turn off MTV and find good music.
I wouldn’t say Mars Volta is bad, but they certainly do love the smell of their own farts.
hahahah@ FUCK THIS TREVIEW… “listen to your fucking bullshit 4/4, 3/4 timing bands you fucking faggot.” HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA so what, every song written in standard time is utter shit? you have some serious thinking to do about uneducated bias. im sure youre the kind of kid that thinks just because they got guitar lessons at sam ash… they’re amazingly educated and above everyone else? kids like you ruin music…
LOL!!! Appropriate review!
In the style of “Fuck this Treview”
To fucking say that “fucking bullshit 4/4, 3/4 timing” music is for “fucking faggots” is fucking ignorant. While fucking 4/4 may be fucking boring as fuck sometimes, the fucking facts are that the fucking greatest pieces of musical fucking composition of all fucking time are written primarily in those time signatures.
ok, I’m gonna stop the gratuitous use of the word “fuck” before my brain melts and runs out of my ears.
To continue. The fact of the matter is, most people that don’t like the Mars Volta probably dislike it for reasons other than homosexuality or severe mental retardation, as fanboys above have insinuated. I try to keep an open mind when it comes to music, and have no problem with experimental time signatures, or planned discord, or what have you.
However, extended jam sessions with no point, story, framework, or indeed, substance or worth whatsoever are not really music.
Music is, at its core, very mathematical. That’s the reason we have time signatures in the first place; the scale is a miracle of mathematics. That being said, the fact that Mars Volta work is generally devoid of either of those tenets (with the exception of certain parts of certain songs) is why I don’t believe they should be widely classified as music. The parts of their songs with recognizable time signatures/keys/tonalities (even if it’s in the key of A sharp minor and 23/11 time) are decent, musically.
That being said, I’d still never ever consider buying any of it for the simple fact that the words add absolutely nothing to song whatsoever, and the singing doesn’t either.
I can’t wait to hear a response!
You know what really sucks? White people music, like this. Never was and never will be any good than Louise Armstrong. Don’t believe me? Check this out and laugh http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWggPLXeOkU White people… the only thing they’re good at making is NOISE! lol