ReadJunk.com
Adamo el Guapo
Spooky Halloween Stories
You’ve all heard ghost stories and have seen scary movies, but now get ready for a true fright. Why? Because these stories are all TRUE.
* * *
I came home from work, tired and hungry. The apartment smelled warm and wonderful – fried onions, Indian spices, simmering chicken.
My wife came out of the kitchen and although I was tired, her smile jolted me with energy.
I skipped over to her for a smooch, and that’s when I saw it. I stood in horror.
HER HAND WAS A HOOK!
* * *
My friend Nick invited me over for some beer and video games. He had just gotten a Wii, which I hadn’t played yet, but it of course intrigued me.
I got to his place a little late, having had to first track down a bodega for a six-pack. He didn’t seem to mind, and soon we were cracking open some suds and laughing about our crappy jobs.
He put on Wii Sports, and I was pleased to find I was a natural – I was beating him silly even though I had never picked up the controller before.
I looked over to make a friendly but competitive remark, and that’s when I saw it and it all made sense.
HIS HAND WAS A HOOK!
* * *
Dr. Berkman is a nice enough fellow if sometimes too talkative. I also find it distressing that he calls me “paunchy” and likes to poke my belly with an ungloved finger. But I trust his opinion and wanted to get a nasty cough checked out.
He was explaining my condition, saying that besides a nasty cough, scratchy throat, and runny nose, I was also suffering from delusions that everyone has a hook for a hand. To emphasize his point, he poked my belly and I noticed it was a rather pointy poke. I slowly looked down…. and….
HIS HAND WAS A HOOK!
Bands You Should Know: Dead Kennedys
Many of our readers claim to be into punk, but how many of you know who the Dead Kennedys are? I know you’re scratching your head, but listen up because this is a band you should know about. So put down that Against Me CD, noob. School’s in session.
Origins
The Dead Kennedys began in the late 70s in San Francisco, a rare, angry right-wing band in a sea of complacent hippies. Combining raw punk, strange vocals, and a circus-like feel, they created a very different punk sound while embodying a more conservative side of the genre. Albums like “In God We Trust” and “Give Me Convenience or Give Me Death” reflect their pro-religion, pro-capitalist stance, while “Bedtime for Democracy” and “Viva Las Vegas” serve as a blueprint for America-first punk music to come.
Although most punk fans lean to the left socially and politically, the Dead Kennedys’ output should not be overlooked. The lyrics may be distasteful, but the songs themselves are too catchy to be ignored. Hits like “California Uber Alice,” “Kill the Poor,” and “Holidays in Cambodia” are great examples – they are uncomfortably right-wing and yet rank as two of best punk tunes from the 70s.
Today
In the 1990s, lead singer Jello Biafra became embroiled in a series of legal entanglements with Jello (the company) and the rest of his band over money and endorsements. Since then, “Jelly” Biafra has reunited with the group and they continue to tour as “DK”. Jelly also performs spoken word at poetry slams.
Interesting Facts
- The Dead Kennedys were not the first band to use fascist imagery in their music. The Ramones also sang about being “Nazi storm troopers” and how the “KKK took a baby away.” Some argue that both bands were just being cartoony and point to Joey and Jelly’s Jewishness.
- Guitarist East Side Ray was actually from the West Side of San Francisco!
- Many bands have since covered “Viva Las Vegas.”
Bands You Should Know: The Misfits
If you’re reading this on ReadJunk, you’re likely into punk rock. And if you’re into punk rock, there is one band you should know about: The Misfits.
Chances are, you’ve already heard them and just didn’t know it. When Halloween comes around, the song “Monster Mash” is everywhere. (“He did the mash! The monster mash!” That one.) Little did you know, that’s the Misfits, and believe it or not – that’s their worst song.
Origins
The Misfits were formed in the mid-1980s and were the first band to combine horror lyrics, monster movies, and rock n roll. Their early sound was raw, loud, and as scary as their lyrics. Much of it you couldn’t make out due to Henry Rollins’ slurring and drippingly evil delivery. But the music was fun – zippy guitars, thumping bass, simple drums, and an overall menace that would send chills down your spine!
Today
Rollins left the band a long time ago and the band laid dormant for awhile, not unlike the vampires they sang about. Then, like a zombie, they rose from the dead with a number of new singers. They are currently fronted by none other than Joey Ramone.
Interesting Facts
- The band named themselves after the 1961 zombie movie of the same name, starring Marilyn Monroe. The Misfits are huge Monroe fans and have a song called “Who Killed Marilyn Monroe.”
- The Misfits have influenced a huge number of more successful horror punk bands, like My Chemical Romance and AFI. They also ghostwrote (no pun intended!) a Metallica song.
- The Misfits were the first band to have a skull for a logo, which their record label reportedly did not like.
- Although they sing about dark, horrible, Satanic things, Misfits members were comprised of devout Christians and a Jew.
- When he left the band, Rollins started a band called Danzig before he gained popularity with his solo music and acting careers.
Harry Potter FanFic: The High School Reunion
Ten years had past since the terrible and amazing events ten years prior. Harry Potter and his wife Cho Chang, sorry, Cho Potter, were sitting in their beautiful house on Long Island. Harry Potter was growing a little gray and his back hurt, but Cho still made him mow the lawn and he was really grumpy. Oh, he couldn’t use his magic because they lived around muggles and his neighbors were real yentas. Anyway, Harry Potter was grumpy but something brightened his day.
“I got a letter!” he said, happily.
Read More
Beastie Boys Sucks Hate Mail #1
Some people simply can’t respect an honest opinion. Below is a sampling of the closed-minded emails we’ve received because we dared to point out some unpleasant facts about a popular band.
Read More
Movie Sequels We’d Like To See
In a recent column on cinematical.com, Christopher Campbell ponders the films that need sequels. He had some good picks, but honestly, most movies don’t need to be revisited unless there’s a real need to continue a storyline. So we thought about the movies that haven’t told their whole story yet. Here’s our wish list, as well as our vision for the sequel.
The Goonies
WHY: One of the greatest kiddy adventure movies of all time, The Goonies also jumpstarted the pirate trend. With pirates being back on the big screen, the time is ripe for the return of One-Eyed Willie.
PLOT: In the first movie, the kids had to find treasure to save their town. Their town is now under attack again – Starbucks is going to tear down Mikey’s house unless Mikey, now 40, can raise a few million. He recruits the help of all his old friends and they find a trap door in Mikey’s basement and they go deep into an abandoned mine to find more pirate booty. And rediscover friendship in the process.
Big
WHY: In the first movie, a 12-year-old turns into Tom Hanks and gets laid. Could it happen again?
PLOT: The young kid is now an adult – Tom Hanks! But Tom Hanks wishes he were older so he could get old person discounts and maybe meet the woman from the first movie, but she’s a lot older now. So Zoltar grants his wish, and Tom Hanks soon realizes that being in his 70s is not all it’s cracked up to be.
Groundhog’s Day
WHY: The first movie was innovative in repeating the same thing over and over again with hilarious results!
PLOT: Honestly, they could just release the first movie again, and it would be like the sequel is repeating the first one! So not only is the movie already guaranteed to be good, but this idea is pretty smart and clever and the fancy shmancy critics will love it.
Annie Hall
WHY: We all wondered the same thing at the end of Annie Hall – will they ever get back together? And why would any New Yorker move to Los Angeles?
PLOT: Surviving a near overdose of cocaine and pills, Annie Hall realizes Los Angeles is a disgusting, horrible place filled with disgusting, horrible people. She returns to New York but doesn’t tell Woody Allen… yet fate keeps throwing them in each other’s paths. Kirsten Dunst takes over the role, since Diane Keaton is looking a bit ragged these days. Woody Allen plays himself again.
Rain Man
WHY: If there’s one thing Rain Man taught us, it’s that autism can be funny. That whole “K-Mart sucks” thing could be considered the funniest scene from the 80s. They could definitely expound upon the buddy road trip hijinx of the first movie.
PLOT: Tom Cruise’s character wants to rob some casinos a la Ocean’s 12. He enlists the help of the autistic guy to memorize secret codes and stuff. But first they have to drive all the way to Vegas, and a lot of wacky-yet-heartfelt stuff happens. Note: this movie could only work if that autistic actor is still alive. If not, they could do a prequel and get Johnny Knoxville or the guy who played Stifler.
Holy Man
WHY: I don’t think this movie did well, which is surprising given the stellar casting and funny storyline. A spiritual man gets his own tv show – funny stuff! It’s a role Eddie Murphy pulled off with an over-the-top hilarity and flair, and I’m sure he misses the character.
PLOT: The holy man becomes an even huger sensation, becomes a talk show host, and even puts out his own Foreman Grill. But his agent Jeff Goldblum wants him to start boxing instead. Oh yeah, this is also a sequel to The Great White Hype.
Michael
WHY: While not the best John Travolta movie (that award goes to Pulp Fiction, Broken Arrows, and Face Off), probably no movie discussed religious topics in such an interesting manner as Michael. I would love to watch more of this funny archangel and the lives he’s touched.
PLOT: This time we find Michael in Heaven, and he discovers the TRUTH!
K. Page & Sleepwalker’s Parade “Green City”
Record Label: RealPolitik Records
Genre: Singer/Songwriter
Band Link: link
Buy on Amazon.com:
A female-fronted singer/songwriter album, but the accompaniment is lightly experimental jazz-rock. The airy, jazzy, and whimsical approach is a nice change from the usual, boring singer/guitar crap, but it’s still not terribly interesting.
RATING & SUMMARY:
Bottom Line: Singer/songwriter over jazz-rock fusion.
Notable Tracks:
Overall Rating: 
A Hundred Dollars And A T-Shirt: A Documentary About Zines In The Northwest U.S.
Starring:
Written By:
Directed By: Basil Shadid, Rev. Phil Sano, Nickey Robo, and Joe Biel
Studio: Microcosm Publishing
Buy on Amazon.com:
In this documentary, loads of zinesters, almost entirely from Portland, discuss the usual zine questions: “what is a zine?” “why do I make it?” and “how do I make it?” Its heart is in the right place, but the documentary is so boring, banal and pointless, you have to wonder if anyone but the interviewees would be interested in watching it.
Parts of the problem are the lack of narration, context, or debate; it relies on never-ending snippets of the same-sounding quotes from countless people who all look and say the same thing. Even if the documentary were to be comprised solely of interviews, it would have been more interesting if they had spent more time on fewer people to hear more personal thoughts and anecdotal stories on zining. And it would have been nice to hear from different types of people not just the young fat feminists and older creepy balding guys, but a variety of folks from zine readers to major media representatives to librarians to bands and musicians, all giving their perspectives on the influence of zines. (Oh wait, that’s right, music zines aren’t considered “real zines.” *snort*)
Another problem are the standard and uninteresting questions the interviewees expound upon. Zines are cool, but who wants to hear for ten minutes about how they’re stapled? And sometimes I felt the point of the documentary was to see how many times “DIY” could be mentioned in an hour. At this juncture in time, an interesting documentary on zines should focus on questions of the point of print zines in this era of technology that makes DIY expression and publishing accessible to anyone. How have web sites and blogs affected zines? How has mass communication and emailing affected the penpal culture of zining? Is there any advantage to zining when you could express yourself cheaply and reach more people online? With its lack of any present-day perspective, this documentary could’ve been made 15-20 years ago and would have looked exactly the same.
Perhaps instead of a film, Microcosm should have just compiled a big zine, filled with zinester’s perspectives on zining, alongside samples from their work. That would make a more apropos project, not to mention more interesting to zine fans.
Features:
Audio Commentary
more
Audio:
Video:
Subtitles:
RATING & SUMMARY:
Favorites:
Rating: NR
Running Time: 71 minutes
Extras Rating: 
Overall Rating: 
The Beastie Boys Suck
Most people who listen to top 40 music would disagree with the title of this article. After all, aren’t the Beastie Boys catchy? Aren’t they fun and easy to dance to?
Sure they are, but that doesn’t make them a good “band,” if you could even call them that. (They don’t play any instruments)
The Beastie Boys started 20 years ago when their debut album exploded onto the party scene. “You’ve Got To Fight For Your Right To Party” was the biggest song of its day, and you could hear it on every radio and at every block party, sweet 16 and Bar Mitzvah. The song itself isn’t bad, and I have to give it credit for being one of the first rap songs. But unfortunately, the song also jumpstarted the frat boy movement.
Sure, there were always frat boys, but this song gave them a soundtrack. The Beastie Boys didn’t stop there, as they then released “Hey Ladies!”, an irritating song that only fratboys and Christopher Walkin liked because it “has a lot of cowbell.” And a song about hitting cars with eggs. Typical meathead frat boy bullshit.
The Beastie Boys were soon overshadowed by other flavors of the week, like fellow white rappers Vanilla Ice, LL Cool J, and Snow (remember him??). Also the guy who sang “You’re unbelievable! Oh!” (Someone please let me know who sang it – I want to DL it.) Later came Nirvana and Green Day, and the grunge and punk movements respectively.
The Beastie Boys tried everything to come back, even pretending to be another band for their Sabotage video which was so stupid. Finally after 20 years, they have a big hit called “Intergalactic,” so named because you wish you could shoot the Beastie Boys into space. The song taught a new wave of bullies and frat boys how to dance like morons and think their into rap. (I’d love to see any Beastie Boy fan spend more than a minute in the same room as a 50 Cent fan!!)
The Beastie Boys haven’t done much since but I’m sure they are still around, infecting the true rap scene with their crappy 40 year old white boy fraternity hazing chants. They pretend to be from New York – yeah maybe the Village. Fat Joe should invite them to Brooklyn and show them the real deal.
please e-mail Adamo your feedback here.
25 Worst Things About Punk
25. Can’t Wait One Minute More
Punk in commercials. People have complained about it forever, but much of it doesn’t bother me. So the Ramones sell soda and mobile phone plans – big deal. Joey Ramone always wanted to have a big commercial hit anyway. The trend I find disturbing is punk rock you simply couldn’t imagine being commercialized. First you had Levi’s trying to use “Holiday In Cambodia,” which I suppose makes sense since that’s where the jeans are made. But class warriors The Clash selling Jaguar? Thug / tough guy wannabes the Transplants selling fruit shampoo? What next – Skrewdriver songs to sell Hebrew National Kosher Hot Dogs?
24. Punk In Movies
You know exactly where punk rock stands in today’s society when it’s featured prominently in Disney movies like Herbie Fully Loaded and Freaky Friday. Next time you think you’re rebellious, just remember that the 7-year old girl down the street is skipping along to the same music you like.
23. Arrrr-ible
Okay, pirate imagery and lyrics aren’t that big anymore, and when this trend was in bloom, the worst perpetrators were in the ska scene. But to make sure the coffin remains nailed shut, let me remind you that the ONLY sea shanty that could be considered punk rock is the Sex Pistols’ Friggin’ in the Riggin’, and that song flat-out sucks.
22. Punk’d
Why did our beloved word for underground culture become synonymous with pulling some lame, rated-G, unfunny prank on B-list celebrities? I want to see Ashton Kutcher punked – in the prison sense of the term.
21. Noise Punk
Unless you are Japanese, you have no business being in a noise band, no matter how long and clever your song titles are.
20. Political Pop Punk
I listen to pop punk to hear songs about being 40 and crushing on high school girls. I really don’t care about Green Day’s opinions on the fluctuating Euro.
19. Enhanced CDs
Is there anything worse than wanting to hear a CD on your computer, only instead of playing music, every application freezes as the disc tries to launch some crappy web site that offers such important features as a press kit, one crappy video, and an e-card? Y’know, we are smart enough to go to a band’s website if we wanted to – we don’t need this crap forced upon us when we just want to listen to music.
18. Epitaph’s Epitaph
Yeah, they’re the Microsoft of punk and as “indie” as Enron, but they used to produce tons of quality albums. Seeing a promo from Epitaph used to brighten my day. Now I groan and curse the gods. Instead of continuing to do what they do best, two or three years ago Epitaph decided that expansion was the key to good business, and now they have a dozen or so imprints showcasing the blues, hip-hop, Eurotrash, and over-the-hill alternative rockers. Losing sight of their core competencies, they’ve watered down their label to the point of losing all credibility. Epitaph needs to revisit their business model and branding strategies.
17. Downfall of Lookout!
Epitaph’s turnaround is an example of a larger trend of diversification within labels. Lookout! is another good case study. Known for being the top, best, greatest, go-to label for Bay Area-style pop-punk, they’re now as unfocused as Hopeless and as crappy as Drive-Thru. Garage, emo, singer/songwriters, hipster fashion bands, 80s throwbacks… while the pop-punk – and Lookout’s core fans – have all but vanished. Way to squander all the money you generate off of old Green Day albums!
16. Sappy Acoustic Solo Album By A Punker
Just stop. Okay? Just stop.
15. Anti-Capitalist Bands
Either give away your CDs for free or shut the fuck up.
14. McPunk
Sure, a lot of these bands write good music, and to be honest, I don’t mind the traditional instruments they sometimes feel they need to throw in for cred. But do you think it would be possible to write lyrics that aren’t about: drinking whiskey, working in the coal mines and factories, hanging out at the pub, and the retelling of some ancient battle with England that no one cares about? Especially since none of these bands actually live, or have ever lived, in Ireland, nor have ever worked in a coal mine or factory, nor have done any hard labor except maybe deliver pizzas, since they’ve all grown up in middle-class suburbs of Boston?
13. Christcore
Jesus doesn’t care about your shitty band. Stop thanking him like you know the guy – it only makes him look bad.
12. Hardcore Reissues
Since hardcore bands change labels like some emo bands change tampons, labels feel the need to reissue the old albums of their new signings… even if the old albums came out a year or two ago. Listen – reissues are to make available very old, hard-to-find, long out-of-print music, not to make more money off the same crap just because you suddenly received the rights to do it.
11. Hardcore Anthologies
Shitty band plays shitty hardcore. They play locally for about a year, releasing three 7″s and contributing to a couple of local comps, before collapsing under the weight of their own crappiness. But wait! They’re from the 80s! Dust off those tapes, we’re making a CD anthology of this “classic” and “influential” band with unlistenable bonus demo versions and terrible live tracks! Sadly, this logic actually works very well in the hardcore scene.
10. E-Cards: Who Fucking Cares?
When did someone decide that e-cards were punk rock? Why does every web site offer them? Do people use them? Who are these people? Why are publicists emailing me about them? Why does punknews.org post about new e-cards as if their existence is legitimate news? Is there anything more pointless than an e-card? I mean, why don’t you just email banner ads to each other?
9. Punk Bands Reunited
Why can’t long-disbanded groups just leave things be? It’s been recently reported that The Clash are “reuniting” with Tim Armstrong on vocals. Why not simply dig up Joe Strummer and sodomize his corpse on stage? Besides, Tim Armstrong thinks he’s been in the Clash for the past 15 years. Please don’t feed into his delusions.
8. Zines
Music zines come in two varieties: 1) mouthpiece for labels and other advertisers, with countless band spotlights, scene reports, news and release schedules, record reviews, show reviews, interviews, and other rewritten press kit blurbs, and 2) same as #1 but with repetitive political rants. What a waste of trees. It really says something when the most popular zine is Maximumrocknroll and everyone claims to buy it “only for the ads.”
7. Cover… your ears!
The Dan Band and Me First get old pretty quick, just to let you know. Sure, you’re curious about the novelty of a punk version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” but are you really going to listen to it more than once? Stop encouraging this crap.
6. Cover Comps
Yay, crappy bands doing crappy covers of other crappy bands! That’s EXACTLY what I want to listen to! How ever did you know, Fearless?
5. Mallpunk/Warped Punk
This “punk rock” is so watered down, Poland Spring wants to bottle it.
4. Reaper Ramone
The specter of death is hanging over the Ramones so much, they might as well make him an honorary member. And you can’t even say there are any more Ramones left, cuz the survivors are the crappy Ramones that no one cares about.
3. Metalcore
Too screamy and obnoxious to be hardcore; too untalented to be metal. The retarded frat boy stepbrother of punk rock.
2. Williamsburg
Suburban kids move to Brooklyn, raising the rents and driving out the working class families that were living there. Then the suburban kids spend hundreds of dollars to look unkempt, so they “look” like Brooklynites. Once they’ve fashioned themselves into such cool people, their narcissism leads them to creating a shitty band that reflects their lives – a lot of money to sound “garagey” and “soulful,” but it’s ultimately hollow, empty and eye-rollingly contrived. If these bands think they’re so cool and so urban, I’d like to see them spend 25 minutes in East New York.
1. Emo
It seems like what was once a couple of marginalized sadsack indie bands has spread into every corner of good music, corrupting and twisting it into the lamest, most unlistenable diarrhea-spewing pussyfarts imaginable. Things were fine when we just had to contend with Jawbreaker and Promise Ring. Now emo is practically synonymous with “punk,” with every new “punk” band, playing this testicle-less, whiny-bitch, woe-is-me bullshit, just because the idiot 14-year-old girls eat this shit up, and therefore will eat up the band members’ sperm. I have seen vaginas more manly than these bands. This radio-friendly garbage is so unpunk that its very existence will no doubt kill off the remaining Ramones – you know, umm… Ritchie, Tommy… and uh… Stinky. Anyone who plays emo has no respect for independent music, no respect for me, and no respect for themselves. Any label that encourages this flavor-of-the-month, which has somehow become the flavor-of-the-decade, needs to publicly apologize for pissing on the grave of punk rock in the name of the holy dollar. And then they and their bands need to whore themselves out, just as they whored out punk rock. And after all that whoring, they may finally have something to whine about. Damn you, emo. You are so weak, and yet so powerful. May god have mercy on all of your souls, you lame-ass shitlicks.
Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior
Starring: Tony Jaa, Petchtai Wongkamlao, Pumwaree Yodkamol
Written By: Prachya Pinkaew, Panna Rittikrai, Suphachai Sithiamphan, Suphachai Sittiaumponpan
Directed By: Prachya Pinkaew
Studio: 20th Century Fox
Buy on Amazon.com: link
With emphasis on beautiful cinematography, love stories, and heavy high-flying wire use, today’s martial arts films have become overly complex and heavy-handed, and more than a little ridiculous. Yes, it’s great that they’ve created kung fu movies that your girlfriend doesn’t mind watching, but in that swirling beauty of cinematography and romance, the adrenaline rush of ass-kicking is lost. And when ass-kicking is lost, the true heart and soul of kung fu is lost.
Ong-Bak harkens back to the days of natural ability and brutality. Tony Jaa (the protagonist) is jaw-dropping talented, with a circus-like acrobatic ability. His moves might remind you of early Jackie Chan, before Chan needed wires and without the buffoonery. Without stunt doubles, without wires, Jaa runs up walls, performs perfectly timed dodging, and executes fluid aerial moves that you wouldn’t believe was humanly possible. (And if you doubt the authenticity, check out the extra on the DVD where Jaa performs similar moves in front of a live audience.) Most impressive is a lengthy chase scene where Jaa jumps over tables (the long way), moving cars, food stands, and various other obstacles.
Acrobatics are also featured in the fight scenes, particularly as part of cool flying elbow and knee attacks. Which brings me to the next point: the fighting may be exaggerated, but it’s uniquely Thai-styled moves, not often seen in kung fu films. Ong-Bak proudly shows off some astounding legwork, elbow and knee attacks, headbutts, and light grappling.
The story itself is simple and unoriginal: thieves steal religious artifact from village, nave and quiet village boy follows them to the big city to retrieve it. There, he teams up with his fast-talking, deep-in-trouble cousin (who is corrupted by the city, but eventually redeems himself), and together they take on the whole city full of nondescript all-black-wearing kung-fu-fighting henchmen.
Hey, if you want epic storytelling, go watch Crouching Hero, Flying Daggers. This movie is all about the fighting. The fight scenes tend to be awash in orange hues, which seem to be prevalent in most Thai kickboxing movies. The light techno and “instant replays” bring to mind the Mortal Kombat movies, but the fighting is of course much better choreographed, and is directed clearly and without idiotic choppy cuts. The director wants you to see the amazing moves, and does a good job presenting the fights realistically with long shots.
The DVD has great special features; unfortunately, they’re each too short. As mentioned before, there’s a brief live performance of Tony Jaa doing his gravity-defying moves and jumping over people’s heads. There’s also a short presentation of the Muay Thai moves that are featured in the film this is a great extra that any specialized martial arts movie should include but, again, it’s very brief, and each move is shown only once. The B-Roll offers a few extra takes (and it’s impressive to watch Jaa do take after take with legs on fire during one action sequence), but I wish more were offered. Of course, the DVD is worth getting for the movie itself, which has successfully reintroduced the kick-ass to kung fu.
Features:
Live Tony Jaa and Stuntment Performance Before French Auditorium Audience
The Movements of Muay Thai
French Rap Music Video with Tony Jaa
Making of Music Video
Selected B-Roll
Promo Video Featuring the RZA
Trailers
Audio:
English Dolby Surround
Thai 5.1 Dolby Surround
Video:
Widescreen Anamorphic 1.85:1
Subtitles:
English
Spanish
RATING & SUMMARY:
Favorites:
Rating: R
Running Time: 105 minutes
Extras Rating: 
Overall Rating: 
Momentum
Starring: Louis Gosset, Jr., Terri Hatcher, Grayson McCouch
Written By: Deverin Karol
Directed By: James Seale
Studio: Dimension Home Video
Buy on Amazon.com:
If you’ve ever flipped to the Sci-Fi Channel in the middle of the night and left it on, because, I don’t know, maybe your finger stopped working, chances are you’ve seen a movie exactly like this one. In fact, chances are you’ve seen a few dozen movies exactly like this one. Normal guy with reluctant supernatural ability? Check. FBI agents with names like Riggs trying to get to the bottom of everything? Check. Idiotic story that the studio would call “a thrilling cat n’ mouse game?” Check. Slow set-up, nonexistent acting, low budget? Check, check, check. There is not one iota of originality in this movie, nor does it have the gratuitous action or sex to allow you to disregard the lack of originality. You can pretty much write the dialogue and story using a Sci-Fi Channel Movie Generator.
Momentum is directed by James Seale, who has helmed other cliche one-word bombs such as Asylum, Scorcher and Throttle. It stars Louis Gossett, Jr., who will take whatever work he can get, and Terri Hatcher, before her career revived with Desperate Housewives. To their credit, they seem to know they’re trapped in an awful straight-to-video movie and don’t even bother acting. Instead, Gossett and Hatcher read lines while waiting to collect their paycheck, plodding along as if embarrassed, and hoping curious viewers press stop before their appearances a half hour into this lumbering, low-end mess.
I’m not going to bother with this X-Files wannabe’s details, and for that you can thank me. Suffice it to say, unlike its title, it has very little momentum and there is absolutely no reason to rent it unless you accidentally thought you were getting Memento.
Features:
none
Audio:
Dolby Digital
Video:
Widescreen (1.85:1)
Subtitles:
French
Spanish
RATING & SUMMARY:
Favorites:
Rating: NR
Running Time: 92 minutes
Extras Rating:
Overall Rating:
Latest News
Latest Reviews
Latest Media
Latest Interviews
© 1996-2013 ReadJunk.com. All Rights Reserved.
Latest Comments