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| Posted on April 29th 2008 by Adam Coozer |
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The Giant Panda, particularly of the iconic Sichuan subspecies, is not only a beautiful, intelligent, gentle, and majestic creature, but a powerful symbol of how mankind has driven them - and so many other incredible animals - to the brink of extinction.
Ironically, the panda is one of the most beloved animals on the planet and yet so few people will actually help them. Just the opposite: deforestation has taken away their land and food (bamboo comprises 99% of their diet), and poachers continue to hunt them for dubious healing properties and black market meat.
Compounding the problem is the low success rate for reproduction and artificial insemination. That is where I come in.
I am one of a handful of non-scientist volunteers who are helping bring this species back from the brink by "lending a hand." Shockingly, when I discuss this work - which I do on my own time and without pay - I get looks of surprise and laughs.
Is it really that funny that I masturbate young panda bears?
Picture it in your head. I am covered in a poncho and hairnet, already sticky and slimy. My hands in latex gloves and lubricated with fish oil. Slowly and gently (though some of the larger bears prefer the technique I call the "Panda Express"), I finish the bear into a large bag.
In that bag, in that frothy, milky bag, contains the possibility for a new future. Is that so funny?
I am proud - no HONORED - to be doing what I do. How many people in the world can say that?
The next time you want to laugh at me, think about your own job. Sure, you might not be masturbating animals, taking some in the face by accident, but are you making the mark that I am? |
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