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| Posted on May 19th 2008 by Adam Coozer |
 
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I know it seems puerile and oh-so-trendy to discuss bodily functions on The Internet, but the fact remains that I have to pee.
I'm not trying to be witty or funny or ironic or hipsterish or shocking. Fluid has built up in my bladder, I am not near a bathroom, and I wish to express my discomfort.
You know, it bothers me that when someone talks about peeing or pooping or slamming the ham, that everyone thinks the speaker is boringly juvenile, as if the discussion was purely for entertainment purposes. Has it occurred to you that perhaps the speaker in question wishes to be honest and connect with the listener to simply commiserate? Haven't you also felt the pressing need to pee with no outlet? Didn't you wish others in that synagogue or fish market or interstellar spaceship could empty their bowels or ejaculate their frothy sperm as God intended?
You know who judged others? The Nazis. And judges too, I guess. But both would sooner glance at your cover than read your pages, and never truly guess at the measure that makes a Man.
And yet I couldn't tell you my measure. I can only tell you I have to pee. It is the only thing on my mind, and therefore it defines me. I couldn't hold a conversation or philosophize or listen to your own soliloquy. I can only think about peeing. And therefore, that is who I am and what I wish to be at this moment in time.
How interesting that all these years of standing upright, when we reach our most basic needs we devolve into the disgusting beasts we claim dominion over. We are nothing but drooling and hissing instincts draped with and hidden by superficial comforts. Is humanity in the modern age nothing but a raw animal giving itself a local motel's amenities?
Right now, I would murder somebody, painfully, for a working commode.
This mirage and visage of culture and manners and indoctrination still demands modesty; otherwise I would whip out my greasy cock and spray this computer. How funny that I would do the worst and basest of acts to avoid the stigma of public urination. One simply can't piss out of necessity if it means pissing on civilization. |
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