I titled this blog, why you should buy me a helper monkey, not because I'm explaining why you personally should be personally buying me this monkey, because that's a given, because I bring so much awesome light and life into your life and world that you should buy me whatever gift I ask of you, no, I title it that because I'm going to explain why I should have a helper monkey.
First off monkeys are the only animal in nature that is both cute and super awesome. And as you know I am the only man alive who is both sexy and super awesome. So naturally I should have natures only adorable super awesome animal as my sidekick.
Second, everything's better with monkeys. Even, dare I say it, me. Yes I know your shocked but even I, the great Fredrico el Guapo, am subject to the laws of physics.
Third, I think it would be cool to have a helper monkey, because then, when I launch my radio station (Fredrico FM, for all your sexy needs, LOL), then I can say I have a monkey sidekcik, and then the monkey will be all screaming and jumping in the background, and then it will punch stupid guests and I will laugh at them, and that will make me as rich and famous as I deserve to be.
When I have my monkey, I will name him Project Destructinator: Awesomemonkey El Guapo, or just Pda el Guapo for short. Why? Because I'm lazy, so I won't be calling him by his full name Project Destructinator: Awesomemonkey el Guapo very often, so I had to shorten it. Plus pdas are like totally hip with the rich businessmen crowd, and I will need rich monkey-loving businessmen to fund my latest venture, which is a secret but will involve diamonds, dolphin dna, and a few broken x-boxes 360s from microhard's repair shop. Get it? Microhard? Ahahahaa, I'm so awesomely funny, you all should be bowing down to me right about now for bringing joy into your stupid less-awesome lifes. But seriously, I saw this car, it was all like 50s style with the fins and stuff, it was awesome. End of story. |
