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Written By: Fredrico El Guapo |
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Plastic Death Match Presents:
One day an old retired man was sitting on a beach drinking a tropical margarita. He watched the hotties go past and said to himself "Jack, those girls are hot!" He did not respond to himself so he took another sip of rum and leaned back.
Suddenly his cell phone rang! He jumped to the ground in a crouch, vodka in hand, and whipped it out while looking around in case any terrorists were calling to taunt him!
"Yes this is Jack," he said. "Who is this and why are you calling me on my retirement vacation?"
"Jack this is Tony Almeida," the voice said on the phone. "I need your help and so does my friend David Palmer!"
"But I'm retired now," Jack said!
"So are we," Tony Almeida said. "But we have this thing to do now. Will you help us?"
"Sure," Jack said. Just meet me at my hotel!" Jack hung up his phone, downed his Sex on the Beach, and went back to his hotel!
* * *
KNOCK KNOCK went the knock on the door! Jack went to answer it, gun drawn, and was relieved to see it was David Palmer and Tony Almeida.
"Mr. President, what have you been doing? I haven't seen you in years!" Jack said.
"Jack I got a lucrative job selling insurance. Your in good hands with Allstate, LOL!" said David.
"Tony Almeida, good to see you too!" Jack said to Tony Almeida.
"Thank you Jack, but we need your help bad!" Tony Almeida said to Jack.
"What seems to be the problem, officer?" Jack said. Everyone LOL'd at the hilarious joke then they got down to business!!
"Jack some suspicious activity has been spotted at the old abandoned amusement park," Tony Almeida said. "We want to go down there and check it out."
"Cool but I don't have a car," Jack said.
"I have a van," David said, "and it's well insured! LOL!"
"Yes I gave him some fuzzy dice and everything" Tony Almeida said. "It's neato keano, LOL@"
So Jack, David, and Tony Almeida went to David's van with the fuzzy dice and they got in the van and David drove them over to the abandoned amusement park!
They drove to the abandoned amusement park and Tony Almeida said "Here we are, get out your guns and walkietalkies and flashlights and stuff!
"Aw but I didn't bring any of that" David said.
"Dude that is so craptaculastic," Tony Almeida said.
"Don't worry Mr. President I have extras 4 you!" Jack said.
"How do you want to do this?" David asked.
"I'll go in and check it out" Tony Almeida said. "You guys stay here and wait for my signal!"
Tony went into the abandoned amusement park and vanished!
"Hey, I think we should check out that abandoned carousel," Jack said.
They went over there and Tony Almeida said "Looks spooky!"
"It does, doesn't it?" Jack said.
David turned away and said "Gentlemen, I think I sense something bad here!"
"Yes Mr. President," Jack said. "Let's go inside and explore!"
"I'll go in first," Tony Almeida said. "Then you wait for my signal.
So Tony Almeida went in first, and then he gave the signal, and they followed him in, and they found two ghosts!
"OMG WTF?" Jack said. "You guys didn't tell me there were ghosts here?"
"We thought you would just assume so," Tony Almeida said to Jack.
"Gentlemen it seems we are now ghostbusters," David said.
"I don't believe in ghosts," Tony Almeida said.
"But dude those are ghosts!" Jack said, pointing to the two ghosts.
"Nuh-uh, nuh-uh, I bet they're just like holograms and projections and guys in sheets and stuff!"
"We are not!" said Ghost #1
"Shh!" said Ghost #2
"Boo!" Said Ghost #1 but David Tony Almeida and Jack didn't run away scared.
"But usually people run away scared when I boo them!" Ghost #1 said.
"I don't understand it either," Ghost #2 said.
Jack pulled out his gun and totally shot them!!!!
"Haha jackass, we're ghosts and you can't hurt us!" Ghost #3 said.
"But guns can kill everything!" Jack said.
"Guns aren't always the answer" David said. "Sometimes you have to use diplomacy."
"O Mr. President you are so wise!" Jack said.
David cleared his throat. "Excuse me Mr. Ghost #1 and Ghost #2, could you please stop bothering people?"
"No way!" Ghost #1 said!"
"Please?" Tony Almeida said.
"OMG OMG it's former CTU superstar Tony Almeida!" Ghost #2 said. "Anything for you, Mr. Tony Almeida!"
So the ghosts left and David, Jack, and Tony Almeida gave each others high fives.
"Hahaha I told you ghost aren't real!
"Gentlemen this was fun, let us take Jack back to his hotel in my Mystery Van" David said.
"This was fun we should do it again sometime," Jack said. "Hey we can all live in the van and travel around solving mysteries!" Tony Almeida said.
"LOL we would live in a van like a bunch of stupid hippy kids" Jack said. "That would roXXor."
"Then its settled, we will livei n the Mystery Van and travel around solving crimes!" David said.
The End...? |
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