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| Hate Mail Follow-Ups By: Adam Coozer |
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Some people just don't know how to be respectful to another's opinion. We published this refreshingly honest review of Batman Begins by the acclaimed critic Adamo el Guapo, and the following are some of the small-minded, churlish responses we received.
From: Dan M.
To Whom it may concern,
The article on your website titled "Batman Begins Sucks" by Adamo el Guapo is a travesty. The author has apparently done no actual research into the history of the Batman character nor ever actually read a Batman comic book. His article is based on no actual written story about Batman and had your editorial staff taken five minutes to verify his article you would have seen that. As a person who works in and around the comic book industry I am disappointed that your website would allow an article so factually incorrect to be published.
Editor's Note: Then maybe you should stop working in the comic industry and get a real job.
From: keith
Subject: Batman Review!!!!!!!!!
Are you serious? You have OBVIOUSLY never read a Post-Crisis or pre-1940 Batman comic. There are so many factual errors based both in the real world and in the comics. Here I will point them out to you since I assume you are under the age of 16.
1. "Batman leaped onto the pages of comic books, and into our hearts, in the early 1940s, beginning with his quiet appearance in a little-known graphic novel called Detective Comics."
Batman was introduced in Detective Comics #27 (NOT A GRAPHIC NOVEL AS GRAPHIC NOVELS DID NOT EXIST YET!!!!!!!) November 1939 (Not the early 40's).
2. "After seeing his father get killed by a robber, Bruce decides to channel his anger to fight crime."
WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was ALWAYS Thomas and Martha Wayne that were murdered by Joe Chill.
3. "The comics were dark, but also very fun, and that fun was accurately portrayed on tv in the 1960s. Batman the tv show was a cult hit, and while the effects weren't that great, it truly showed Batman as he was originally intended - as a super detective who wasn't afraid to get into fights, but was ultimately a really nice family man with a good sense of humor."
This is one of the most insane character descriptions of Batman I've EVER seen. The TV show was NOT a "cult" hit, it was tolerated by the main stream and hated by the fanboys. Batman saw a lot of shitty writing through the 40's, 50's and 60's. That is NOT what Batman was EVER intended to be. Bob Kane's original stories were very dark, that is how Bob Kane WANTED his character.
4. "After a couple of awful and boring movies with Michael "Snowman Jack" Keaton as the Dark Crusader, things got back on track with Batman & Robbin and Batman Forever, but stunning special effects, refreshing acting, and cool new villains couldn't save them from large plot holes and a poor box office."
There has NEVER been anything in the comics like Batman Forever or Batman and Robin. They didn't stick to anything that has to do with the comics. And it is ENTIRELY accepted by the comic book industry that those two movies almost destroyed one of our favorite characters. It is well known that if you like or even enjoyed those two movies that you are NOT a Batman fan and have probably never picked up a Batman comic in your life.
5. "Instead of making a fun family movie, Batman Begins is the darkest one yet, and light years away from the cult comic."
Actually the term "cult" has NOTHING to do with "fun family" anything. That's a contradiction in terms. Batman is NOT about fun family anything. Batman is about the dark nether regions of a man's psychosis. If you don't know that, you don't know anything about Batman.
6. "Based on Batman's origin story, the movie relives Bruce Wayne - this time as a child - as he watches both (yes, both) his parents get killed. For some reason, that leads him to go to Tibet or something and learn martial arts (umm... okaaay), making enemies along the way."
Again WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In Detective Comics #27 (the first appearance of Batman EVER) both Thomas and Martha Wayne are killed in front of Bruce after leaving a theater. Also in that issue it talks about how he traveled the world to learn every kind of martial art possible to make himself the pinnacle of human perfection. If you claim to love Batman, or even comics in general, this fact should be WELL known to you, but it isn't.
7. "He then decides out of the blue to become Batman, but instead of Alfred making him his costume and weapons, he hires Samuel L. Jackson to do it for him. Now, I'm not a stickler for consistancy with the comic books, but this was really out of left field, and to me smacked of Hollywood trying James Bondify Batman."
"OUT OF THE BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!" Are you HIGH?????!!!!!!! You call brooding and training yourself to combat crime for almost 20 years OUT OF THE BLUE?????!!!!!!!!!!!!! Alfred never made the Batsuit or any of the gear Batman uses. Also you must be retarded because Samuel L. Jackson was NOT in Batman Begins. Morgan Freeman plays Lucious Fox. They look nothing alike except for the fact that they are both African American. Are you racist? Lucious Fox IS a character in the comics, so none of this is out of left field.
8. "Worst of all, Batman now drives some lame giant army tank instead of his normal Batmobile (which was sort of like a Lincoln Towncar with a racing stripe, tail fins and booster jets)."
The new Batmobile is modeled after Frank Miller's Batmobile in The Dark Knight Returns. Probably the best comic book ever written. It is designed for function not fashion. Get over it. It makes more sense than a suped up sports car.
9. "Batman himself doesn't have the stocky, square-jawed appearance that we all recognize, but is played by the thin guy from Memento. However, that's understandable since this movie takes place in Batman's earlier years. Still, the casting makes about as much sense as Nick Cage as Superman. His acting makes Keaton look like Shakespiere, as he plays up the "darkness" of the character to ridiculous levels."
Actually he DOES have a square jaw and he was ACTUALLY physically fit. AND he WASN'T played by Guy Pierce (the guy from Memento). He was played by Christian Bale. You didn't go see this movie did you?
10. "The villains don't have the fun zaniness of the Joker or Mr. Riddles or the Pengiun and they're even a little scary."
Again, you don't read comics do you? The Joker is one of the most sick, demented villains in literary history. The Riddler (NOT Mr. Riddles!!! Again are you HIGH?!) and The Penguin are both insanely complex and deep characters. None of which are zanny in ANY way.
11. "But it kept me entertained, even though as a hardcore fan of the comic books, I was disappointed with their interpretation."
You are a liar. Hardcore fans actually KNOW STUFF ABOUT BATMAN!!!!!!!!! Not pull their knowledge from the movies and 60's TV series. YOU KNOW NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!
12. "I would say that the average joe will probably love Batman Begins, but real fans will be surprised by the direction this movie has taken. Hopefully, though, they'll make a Batman movie that really portrays him as the fun, gadget-packed cult character we all know and love."
As an ACTUAL fan of the comics I must say Batman Begins is the BEST comic book film of all time. And EVERYONE I know in the industry, and ALL the comic book fans IN THE WORLD agree with me. You don't know anything about Batman or cult comics, PERIOD!!!!
I am extremely offended by your review and the film makers and comic book fans and creators would be appauled with it. You should take it down because you look like a complete idiot.
Editor's Note: Pardon me, but what is your point?
From: YellowCometArmy@###.com
Subject: To Adamo el Guapo
Dear Adamo,
I think your interpretation of Batman is horribly distorted. Your review on the movie is a joke.
Disgruntled Batman Fan
Editor's Note: No, a joke would be: What would an Robin say to Batman in India? "Holy Cow, Batman!" Okay, that joke wasn't very good. But hey, what's up with them Indian cows, eh?
Elizabeth
Subject: Batman Begins review.
hey, I suggest you take your review of Batman Begins OFF the net, you are gonna get alot of heat if you havnt already, your review is so inaccurate its gotta be a joke....is it a joke? if it is im sorry, but Batman isnt a "fun, gadget-packed cult character"
Please this BETTEr be a joke man, i beg of you to just take it down, as it looks to serious.....Because me reading this, It looks as if you were serious, and you have absolutely NO knowledge of the DARK KNIGHT at alllllllllllllll.
thanks
Spidey2007
Editor's Note: I know enough to know that Spiderman is Marvel, and Batman is Dark Horse. How would you know anything about Batman, SPIDEY?!
From: Hood Side
Subject: Your Batman Begins review was a spoof of some kind right?
Because if it isn't you lost any credibity you might
have as a journalist.
" little-known graphic novel called Detective Comics"
-It wasn't a graphice novel and it was widely read at the time.
"After seeing his father get killed by a robber"
-And his mother. His parents.
"things got back on track with Batman & Robbin and Batman Forever, but stunning special effects, refreshing acting, and cool new villains"
-Fist strike against your credibility.
"Based on Batman's origin story, the movie relives Bruce Wayne - this time as a child - as he watches both (yes, both) his parents get killed. For some reason, that leads him to go to Tibet or something and learn martial arts (umm... okaaay), making enemies along the way."
-Not based on, this is his origin. He was trained in foreign countries, he was trained in various martial arts styles. Read Batman Year One by Frank Miller.
"he hires Samuel L. Jackson"
-A film critic who doesn't know the difference between Sam Jackson and Morgan Freeman
"Worst of all, Batman now drives some lame giant army tank instead of his normal Batmobile"
-Read The Dark Knight Returns also by Frank Miller
"but is played by the thin guy from Memento"
Christian Bale was not in Memento, you must ,mean Guy Pierce
"Joker or Mr. Riddles or the Pengiun"
-Mr Riddles?? You stated numerous times in your review that you are a fan of the comics, yet you mistake Mr Riddles for The Riddler.
"even though as a hardcore fan of the comic"
-This I doubt
"but real fans will be surprised by the direction this movie has taken"
-Batman fans are in love with this movie. One of them is actually taking the time to write to you. So was it a joke review?
Regards.
Editor's Note: You can't judge a review based on the occasional typo. I'm sure I could find typos in your email. Have an open mind and think about the message.
From: Michael Houck
Subject: To Mr. Adamo el Guapo
If this is Mr. el Guapo, I would like you to read this, and if this isn't Mr. el Guapo, I would like you to drop whatever you are doing and get him and force him to read this.
*ahem*
You reviewed Batman Begins. Mr. Guapo, what you said in that review is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on the Internet is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
With that said, here are further comments on your toilet dump:
fag...
Foxx was Freeman, not Jackson...fag...
Scarecrow was MEANT to be scary...fear was the main element of this movie, Joker was MEANT to be funny, he's a frigging joker...fag...
You say hollywood "bondified" batman, but later in your review stated that hollywood should make a movie that "portrays him as the fun, gadget-packed cult character we know and love"...that's all bond is...gadgets...and that's what makes batman...BATMAN, and what makes him awesome, he's just a human with awesome gadgets, cuz he's rich...so get your facts straight...fag...
The guy's name is The Riddler, not "Mr. Riddles"...that name is gay...I don't even care if you were kidding...you are a...fag...
...fag...
With that said, I would also like you to know that I am not the only one who thinks this:
http://www.rangerboard.com/showthread.php?p=1220323#post1220323
About as unsincerely as humanly possible,
Some guy who's not a fag
P.S. don't insult the batman, he will do you justice...fag
Editor's Note: That's some gay fetish you have there, Mikey. Maybe if you could take the large, throbbing penis out of your mouth, people could understand what you're talking about.
From: Rob
Subject: Batman Begins Review
I have just read your review on the new Batman Begins movie and I'm writing to you because I'm genuinely curious whether or not your review is supposed to be taken seriously or is meant to be a joke.
Clearly, the facts about Batman's origins, as well as the movie itself, are so far off that I honestly find myself trying to figure out whether this article is meant to be funny or if the reviewer (who professes to be a "hardcore fan of the comic books") simply hadn't done the research. The author seems incredulous at the idea that both of Bruce Wayne's parents are killed by a mugger in this iteration, when in fact that is how it's always been -- in every movie, comic, and yes, even in the animated series. The writer also mistakenly states that the character of Robin was around from the beginning, which simply is not true. Robin did not appear in the comics until after Batman had been around for a full year, and after Batman's origin story had already been told.
The inaccuracies in this review don't stop with the comic book. The author's description of the film itself is fraught with errors as well. Most glaring is the incorrect statement that the role of Batman was played by "the thin guy from Memento." I'm assuming he's referring to Guy Pearce who was an early contender for the role, but who did not appear in this film. He also states that Samuel L. Jackson appeared in the movie, in a role similar to James Bond's "Q", which is also untrue. (The role of Lucius Fox was played exquisitely by Morgan Freeman.)
These are only a few of the glaring blunders that appear in this article. I won't even go into the spelling errors and grammatical mistakes throughout the write-up.
I'm not familiar with your magazine, so I don't know this review was intentionally meant to be comedic, and if that is the case, please disregard this message. If however, you want anyone to take your magazine and its contents seriously, I suggest that you get your facts straight and pay more attention to detail.
Thank you.
Sincerely, Rob
Editor's Note: Again, you shouldn't let a couple of typos take away from the hard-hitting points of the piece.
From: Tony
Subject: Review
Hi.
After reading your review, I would like to know how the hell can you be, as you put it, a "hardcore fan of the comic books"? You obviously have no idea who Batman is and how he is supposed to be portrayed. Godammit, you even got the villains' names wrong.
Editor's Note: Bat who?
From: Thomas Heagy
Subject: batman begins review
Just wanted to point out that for such a fan of the series you got several of the villains wrong (Mr. Riddles???) and seemt o have totally missed the point... the 60's show was an even campier take on the orginal character, the Burton/Schumacher movies were just campy takes with darker overtones. This Batman is derivative of the better graphic novels and was geared towards a less "kiddy" audience.
Real fans of the dark, contemporary character love this movie.. fans of the Campy 60's drek and the inconceivably horrid Schimacher travesties should probably go see Mr and Mrs Smith or Star Wars ROTS instead!
Editor's Note: Hey, Return of the Smith was a great Star Wars movie!
From : Alex K.
Subject : Your Batman Begins review is bullshit.
I don't know who the author of that review is but they know next to nothing about the character of Batman and his origin. Batman Begins is a great movie, most critics and movie goers agree. I hope that review is a joke. If not, whoever reviewed that film needs to start paying more attention and learn to write a more knoweldgeable review.
Editor's Note: You're adorable.
From: C.
Subject: Wow
Wow, your review of Batman Begins was really funny. I almost thought you were serious! A friend emailed me the link, and I figured I'd let you know you really had me going until the end there. When you mentioned that Morgan Freeman was Samuel L. Jackson - that's when I knew it was a joke. I can't quite say I've ever seen sarcasm in a review layered on that thick before.
Very funny!
-Chris
Editor's Note: We are blithering geniuses, without the genius part. |
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