I like to support young bands for they are our future. But at the same time, I’m a very drunk and angry person. Here’s an interview I did with young newcomers Billy Raygun just before slashing them with a broken bottle.

I am baffled by your suckiness. Could you please explain it to me in lay terms?
Color me offended! We only practice once a week. Sometimes not even that much, because Calvin plays in an actually good band (myspace.com/wtg) and Cakes and Nate play in marching band, which means we have to give up practice every once in a while. We’re all prepubescent. Those are the only reasons I can think of.

On the crappitude scale, with 1 being Radiohead and 10 being Deerhoof, how would your band score?
10. When we started out, my voice was so high I actually sounded like a small Asian woman!

Name five things your band has in common with a sack of shit.
1. Smell
2. Taste
3. Texture
4. Color
5. Sound

What should I be drinking right now so that your band would sound better?
I couldn’t tell you. We haven’t found it yet either.

What’s your day job? Are you just as bad at it?
I am a waiter. Sometimes I spill water on people. Oh well. Nate is a dishwasher. He’s actually pretty good at it. I don’t think he breaks a lot of plates. Cakes is also a dishwasher at this hip place in town called the Friendly Toast. All of the punx work there so he thinks he’s cool. Calvin works at a library, even though I don’t think he can even read.

If you and I got into a fight, describe how badly I’d mess you up.
Pretty bad. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten into a real fight, and I’m one skinny motherfuckah.

Why is there so much hatred, ugliness, and pettiness in the world? Is it because you suck?
I’m sure it may be a contribution factore. It’s about to get worse BECAUSE WE ARE RECORDING A SEVEN INCH AND YOU CAN KEEP INFORMED ON OUR MYSPACE WHICH IS here. Ok, thank you for your time and your interview.

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Billy Raygun