10,000 B.C:
Is this the epic prequel to the Geico Caveman sitcom? |
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13 Ghosts:
Casper, Sam Wheat, Dr. Malcom Crowe, Ghostrider, Christmas Past, Christmas Present, Christmas Future, Jacob Marley, Ghost Dad, Vigo from Ghostbusters 2, Zuul, Madison Elizabeth Frank, Space Ghost..There's your 13 Ghosts!!! |
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1408:
John Cusack in his scariest movie since Must Love Dogs. |
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15 Minutes:
a documentary of the careers of Richard Hatch, and Darva Conger |
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2 Fast 2 Furious:
2 stupid 2 sit through |
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21:
The 24 prequel about Jack Bauer’s days as a high-stakes Vegas gambler? I’m in! |
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25th Hour:
Spike Lee discovers the white man's been keeping the 25th hour all to himself |
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28 Days Later:
This movie will be in the 99 cent bid in the video store |
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28 Weeks Later:
People are still zombies in the UK. Well duh I could have told you that! |
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3,000 Miles to Graceland:
Kevin Costner's next big movie since The Postman, Tin Cup, and Message in a Bottle. Oh Wait, those sucked! |
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300:
I haven't seen this many half-naked sweaty men since Manhole 2: Deep in the Hole. |
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50 First Dates:
A guy has memory loss and keeps going out on dates. The one thing he keeps forgetting to tell his dates is that he has the clap. |
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8 Mile:
Shouldn't it be 8 Miles? Why should Enimem get an Oscar when he can't even use proper English. |
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A Few Good Years:
I guess this is a film about the inevitable fate of J-Lo and Ben Affleck's marriage |
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A History of Violence:
If you see this, I'll kick your ass. - Adam |
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A Knight's Tale:
Sounds somewhat homoerotic. "Come here and let me see your long joust" |
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A Man Apart:
Vin Diesel shows off his muscles and tries to take down a drug cartel. Hopefully he won't be an extreme skater in this film. |
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A Mighty Heart:
Angelina Jolie plays a hot foreign chick who does something or other with other people in some place. I dunno, point is, she plays a hot foreign chick. |
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A View from the Top:
This is about Flight Attendants. So I guess the name comes from them screwing the pilots on top? |
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A Walk to Remember:
How hard is it to remember a walk? |
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A.I.: Artificial Intelligence:
oh is R2D2 and C3PO in this??!! |
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Abandon:
Heath Ledger look-a-like plays a killer. Yeah that's believable A Beautiful Mind- Now who would have thought Ron Howard and Russell Crowe would do a movie about me? |
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About a Boy:
Who shits his pants, cries, kicks my seat and talks during this movie. |
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About Schmidt:
Jack Nicholson plays an insurance salesmen who's life's in the crapper. Yeah ok Willy Loman. |
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Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights:
Now Adam Sandler's movies can suck in cartoon form! The Adventures of Joe Dirt- in this movie, David Spade is a hillbilly. This movie will be just as good as Adam Sandler's Little Nicky |
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Aeon Flux:
If Charlize is naked in the movie, I'm SO there! No? Ahh fuck it, the movie is still spankable. |
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Affair of the Necklace:
Who would fuck a necklace? I mean really. |
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Against the Ropes:
I hated the ropes in gym class. My thighs burned up and I didn't want people looking up my shorts. |
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Agent Cody Banks:
Malcolm in the middle becomes a secret agent. And hopefully gets killed with a mission gone wrong. |
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Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London:
More like "destination: straight to video." Along Came a Spider- Isn't this about that itsy bitsy spider song? |
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Alexander:
Now I know why Alexander wanted to conquer all that land...He wanted to re-decorate. |
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Alexander:
Alexander the Great, I hear that's what they call Colin Farell's cock |
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Ali:
Is it just me or does the Fresh Prince look nothing like Ali? |
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Alien:
Finally they made a movie about Mexicans and Cubans. |
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Alien vs Predator:
Whoever wins, the audience is the loser. |
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Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem:
I'm sure this will be better than the first one. But I guess that's like saying Mussolini was better than Hitler. |
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All About My Mother:
When I went to see Princess Mononoke at the Angelika, the place was packed wall to wall with people wanting to see this Mother movie. Everyone was talking about it. Unfortunately I wasn't listening so I have no clue what it's about. Probably about a mother. |
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All About the Benjamins:
Apparently this movie is about Blink 182. |
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All the King's Men:
Insert gay porn reference here. |
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Along Came Polly:
Who the hell would name someone Polly? Unless she looks like a parrot, then it's okay. |
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Alvin and the Chipmunks:
Ugh, I hate that high-pitched, nasal, shrill sound... But enough about Jason Lee. |
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America's Sweethearts:
Now why would they make a movie about the staff of Ska, Punk and Other Junk? |
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American Hardcore:
A documentary on bored, white suburban kids and their yearning to punch people in the face to bad punk rock. |
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American Pie 2:
More pie fucking, great..better be more of Shannon Elizabeth though |
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American Wedding:
Jim and Michelle are getting married in this American Pie sequel. The next movie will be called American Divorce. |
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An Unfinished Life:
Is this about abortions? - Adam |
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Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid:
I'd like hunt around the world for someone who actually liked the first movie. |
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Analyze That:
Billy Crystal gets wacked for being so god damn annoying. |
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Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera:
Even if I was gay, I still wouldn't see this. |
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Angela's Ashes:
It's about an Irish kid and his big Irish family living in Ireland with lots of other Irish people. But it's supposed to be sad and it was based on a book I didn't read. I'll just wait for the next Black 47 album and Irish Night at Shea Stadium to get my ethnic fix. |
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Anger Management:
A man has to go through anger management and his instructor moves in with him. They fall in love. The end. |
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Anna and the King:
The King and I looking for more Oscars. |
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Antitrust:
Enemy of the State and The Matrix combine into one big pile of shit |
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Antwone Fisher:
I liked this movie when it was called Men Of Honor. Oh wait, no I didn't. |
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Any Given Sunday:
Oliver Stone takes on our nation's favorite boring past time. I think the conspiracy is why such fat and disgusting people are considered athletes. Cameron Diaz, I love you, but shut up and look pretty. |
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Anything Else:
...Would be better than watching this movie. |
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Anywhere But Here:
This movie was really good when it was called Mermaids. |
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Apocalypto:
This movie doesn't have enough Jews. |
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Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters:
Wow, Adult Swim did something in the past 3 years that hasn't completely sucked. |
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Are We Done Yet?:
A question Ice Cube gets often from his agent. And his conscience. |
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Around the World in Eighty Days:
Yeah..but this will only be in theaters for Eighty minutes. |
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Atlantis: The Lost Empire:
Leave it to Disney to ruin another cool mystery concept. - MK |
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Atonement:
A stupid teenager tells a lie and changes a guy’s life forever. The guy hires a hitman to go after the teenage girl. Well no, that doesn’t happen but that’s what I would have done… |
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Austin Powers in Goldmember:
I'd still bang Beyonce Knowles in a giant fucked-up afro. |
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Babel:
Brad Pitt needs to stop thinking he's doing important work in the world now that he's met Angelina Jolie. Dude, quit the socio-politico commentary and get back to being George Clooney's bitch on some crappy Ocean's Whatever flick. |
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Bad Boys II:
Expect brilliant dialogue like "yeah dawg," and "hey Uncle Phil," "Sup G" and "ya know what I'm saying yo" in the movie. |
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Bad Company:
Behind The music is finally hitting the movie theaters with the premiere of this crappy classic rock band. |
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Bad Santa:
Bryan's adventures of being a mall Santa and loving the kids a little "too" much |
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Bait:
This is a total ripoff of 48 hours and Jamie Foxx should just stick to stand up or In Living Color. |
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Bandits:
cool, another Smokey and The Bandits movie. Well Some Bitch! No it's not. |
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Barbershop 2: Back in Business:
But this movie won't be in business for long. |
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Basic:
Maury Povich sends out a bunch of thugs to bootcamp. Samuel L Jackson plays the big mean old drill sergeant. |
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Basic Instinct 2:
I haven't seen this much geriatric vagina since my stint as a gynecologist at a retirement home. |
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Battlefield Earth:
Based on a dozen huge sci fi novels by L. Ron Hubbard that no one ever read. "Why does this movie suck?" It's in the book. |
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Be Kind Rewind:
Why not just sell DVDs and then we wouldn’t have to see this piece of crap |
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Because I Said So:
Bush's response to the nation. |
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Bedazzled:
Elizabeth Hurley as the devil, she can repossess me anyday!!! |
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Below:
Me |
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Benji Returns: Rags to Riches:
Benji returns but quickly gets run over by a dumptruck. |
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Beowulf:
Is it wrong of me that I want to whack off to a cartoon version of Angelina Jolie? |
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Between Strangers:
Balki Bartokomous and Cousin Larry find love in Mypos |
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Beyond Borders:
This was originally called Beyond Boredom. |
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Bicentennial Man:
Oh my dear lord. Oh my sweet merciful lord. WHY??? |
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Big Fat Liar:
The story of Gary Condit. |
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Big Momma's House 2:
I rather watch Breakin' 2 over and over again than have to sit thru another movie with Martin Lawrence in a fat suit. |
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Big Trouble:
This movie looks like it's going to get into some big trouble at the box office |
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Biker Boyz:
The gay version of Bad Boys |
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Black Christmas:
I'm deeply offended by the title. It should be "Black Holidays." I mean, young women get slaughtered during Hannukah too, you know. |
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Black Hawk Down:
Yeah, the perfect movie Americans need to see right now, U.S. Soldiers getting killed. |
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Black Knight:
They're making a movie on The M.P. and The Holy Grail's character?!! no wait, just another Martin Lawrence movie. crap! |
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Black Snake Moan:
All I have to say is... Christina Ricci chained up in trashy underwear... where do I sign up? |
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Blade 2:
The Goth geeks must be creaming in their black pants right now. Wesley Snipe as a vampire, big f-ing deal! |
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Blade: Trinity:
Wesley Snipes should use a blade and end his pitiful movie career for good. |
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Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows:
JOSH!!! JOSH!!!! We need more money!!! JOSHH!!!????? |
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Blood and Chocolate:
Two of my favorite things to eat.. |
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Blood Diamond:
Bring your girlfriend to this film so she'll shut her yap about an engagement ring. |
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Blood Work: Clint Eastwood gets some blood work done, mostly for Alzheimer's and osteoporosis:
Adam |
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Blow:
Jesus why can't Monica Lewisky stay out of the media for a change- MK |
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Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie:
You might be a redneck if you have a tour with Blue Collar in the name of it. |
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Blue Crush:
Hot surfer girls in a movie. I'm there |
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