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| August 2007 Releases |
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Constantine Maroulis - “Constantine”:
Are wanna-be singers this conceited that they name their debut album after themselves? |
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Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds - “Live at Radio City Music Hall”:
I wonder if you hear crickets & coughing at the end of each song? |
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Flight of the Conchords - “The Distant Future”:
Their TV show is as funny as cancer. (which isn't funny by the way!) |
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Grace Potter & the Nocturnals - “This Is Somewhere”:
I have a pretty good idea where somewhere is...in the bargain bin at Walmart |
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Lyle Lovett - “It's Not Big It's Large”:
That's what it says about me on the ladies bathroom wall in the mall |
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Minus the Bear - “Planet of Ice”:
What geeks! Who would do a concept album on Hoth?! |
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Rilo Kiley - “Under the Blacklight”:
Is this album covered in semen too? |
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Soundtrack - “High School Musical 2”:
I play this soundtrack to lure little children into my van |
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Tia Carrere- “Hawaiiana”:
I wonder if the song from Wayne's World is on this? |
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| July 2007 Releases |
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Garbage- “Absolute Garbage”:
*note* see album title |
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Korn – “Untitled”:
Korn are so creative they can't even name their newest album |
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Minnie Driver - “Seastories”:
Man she's really going to great lengths to shake “that fat girl from Circle of Friends” image isn't she? |
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Meat Puppets - “Rise to Your Knees”:
I really don't want to know what you were doing on your knees! |
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MxPx – “Secret Weapon”:
ppssttt...Their secret weapon is the bible. Don't say I didn't warn you! |
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Prince - “Planet Earth”:
Welcome to Earth Prince, did you enjoy your stay in space for the last 25 years? |
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Puddle of Mud - “Famous”:
Wow these guys have some egos on them huh? |
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Sum 41 - “Underclass Hero”:
If these guys are punk, than Geddy Lee sings like a man. |
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V/A - "Legally Blonde (2007 Original Broadway Cast)":
What's next, Saved By the Bell: The College Years: the musical? |
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| May 2007 Releases |
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Hanson - “The Walk”:
Hopefully you get hit by a bus on that walk. |
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Elliot Smith - “New Moon”:
Isn't this guy dead? |
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Elizabeth Cook - “Balls”:
Well we know what's on her mind don't we? |
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Joni James - “Have You Heard Joni James?”:
This one is too easy. |
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Linkin' Park - “Minutes to Midnight”:
This band is still around trying to act like wannabe gangstas? |
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Rush - “Snakes and Arrows”:
Unlike some other writers on this website, I'd rather be bitten by snakes AND shot in the head with an arrow than have to endure an entire sitting of a Rush album. |
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The Smashing Pumpkins - “Zeitgeist”:
Why would the Smashing Pumpkins reunite only to cover the entire album of the Levellers? |
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Tori Amos - “American Doll Posse”:
Oh good, I needed a new album to put my plants asleep. |
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Wilco - “Sky Blue Sky”:
Yes Wilco, the sky is blue. How observant of you! |
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| April 2007 Releases |
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Autumn to Ashes - “Holding a Wolf by the Ears”:
Besides playing shitty music, Autumn to Ashes likes to torture innocent animals in their spare time. |
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Avril Lavigne - “The Best Damn Thing”:
Clearly Avril is in denial on what the music scene thinks of her. |
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Beyonce - “B-day”:
I thought her other album title, “B-ad” was more fitting. |
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Colin Hay – Are You Lookin' At Me?”:
No Colin, we haven't looked at you since the 80s. |
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Fountains of Wayne - “Traffic and Weather”:
I'm curious to hear how special guests Al Roker and Willard Scott are going to sound on this album. |
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Hell Yeah – “Hell Yeah”:
Stupid Name – “Stupid Album Title” |
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Nine Inch Nails - “Survivalism, Pt. 1 & 2”:
Now teenagers can cut themselves with two NIN albums! |
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Martin Short - “Fame Becomes Me”:
Unfortunately for you, the words fame and Martin Short hasn't been used in the same sentence in over 20 years. |
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The Nightwatchman - “One Man Revolution”:
I don't see how a revolution can happen when your record label is Sony. |
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Original Soundtrack - “God of War II”:
Call me naive but listening to an album with nothing but nerds playing a video game isn't exciting to me. |
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Patti Smith - "Twelve":
Twelve is the number of tequila shots it would take a man to find Patti Smith attractive. Hmm maybe more. |
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| December 2006 Releases |
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Brian McKnight - “10”:
See Damien Rice snap |
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The Clash – “Singles Box Set”:
Didn’t this come out already? |
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Gwen Stefani - “The Sweet Escape”:
Is this album title referencing on how you left the rest of your No Doubt members hanging? |
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Eminem - “Eminem Presents the Re-Up”:
Get out your glocks, do-rags, baggy clothes, gold chains and boogie down like its 1995! |
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Fantasia – “Fantasia”:
This album will be just like the movie: so boring it will put you to sleep. |
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Lil Scrappy – “Bred 2 Die Born 2 Live”:
I always hated Scrappy. He always made things worse for Scooby. |
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Nas - “Hip Hop Is Dead”:
…If it was, then Nas wouldn’t be releasing this stupid album. |
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Neil Diamond – “12 Songs”:
The album title says '12 songs,' yet there are 2 discs worth of songs. Neil needs to go back to Kindergarten I think. |
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Taylor Hicks – “Taylor Hicks”:
How did someone who looks like Jay Leno win American Idol? |
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