30 Odd Foot of Grunts:
Now Russell Crowe can suck in musical form! |
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311- "Don't Tread On Me":
Hey a new 311 album! I'm sure this sounds nothing like their last album. |
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50 Cent:
I wouldn't even buy this for 50 cents. |
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A AFI:
Do not expose this band to sunlight. |
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Aaron Neville:
He's singing about the wrestler Rick Flair on this album? "WOOOO!" |
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Alanis Morissette:
...Yeah you're career. |
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Alice Cooper- "Dirty Diamonds":
I really don't want to know how those diamonds got dirty... |
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Allman Brothers:
Yeah there's only one way out from listening to the Allman Brothers and their 40 minute solos and it's a bullet through my temple. |
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Andrea Bocelli - “Under the Desert Sky”:
Put him underneath the skies in Jersey. He still won’t know the difference. |
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Andrew Wk:
Yeah I hope he gets eaten by one too. |
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Ani Difranco:
For women who don't shave their armpits. |
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Annie Lennox:
I couldn't bare listening to this. |
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Audioslave - "Out of Exile":
GO BACK INTO EXILE SOUNDGARDEN 2! |
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Autumn to Ashes - “Holding a Wolf by the Ears”:
Besides playing shitty music, Autumn to Ashes likes to torture innocent animals in their spare time. |
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Avril Lavigne:
She is so punk rock. She wears a tie. Usually men wear ties. But she's like, Fuck that. She's redefining gender roles and smashing the state. I also heard she kills fascists. |
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Avril Lavigne - “The Best Damn Thing”:
Clearly Avril is in denial on what the music scene thinks of her. |
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Barenaked Ladies:
...And hopefully dead after that. Good Charlotte The Chronicles of Life & Death (Life Art Version) If I had to choose between life & having to listen to this CD or death...I'd pick death. |
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Beck:
You're still a loser. |
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Bernie Williams:
Bernie can now join the talented group of athletes turned musicians like Shaq, Deion Sanders and the Chicago Bears. |
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Beyonce:
I believe this album was originally called dangerous to your ears? |
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Beyonce - “B-day”:
I thought her other album title, “B-ad” was more fitting. |
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Billy Bob Thornton:
I hope he takes a few more steps and ends his sorry life. |
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Billy Corgan - "The Future Embrace ":
I wonder if Billy Corgan sucks in helium before he starts singing? Unless he had his balls cut off.. |
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Billy Ray Cyrus:
Yeah time flies but you still have one awful mullet. |
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Bow Wow:
Hopefully he won't unleash his little bow wow. |
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Brian McKnight - “10”:
See Damien Rice snap |
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Brian Setzer Orchestra:
The very BEST from 3 years ago...some swing revival huh? |
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Bruce Springsteen:
I feel my bile rising. Get a real job, Mr. Working Class. |
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Carnie Wilson:
...She can see her feet. |
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Celion Dion:
Go back into retirement, Canuck! (No offense, Rush) |
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Charlotte Church- "Tissues & Issues":
Sounds like an album title I would come up with. |
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Cher:
Doesn't Very Best and Cher constitute an oxymoron? |
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Coheed & Cambria- "Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV, Volume One: From Fear Through The Eyes of Madness":
If I wanted to read an album title that long, I'd read a book...Wait! No, a magazine! |
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Coldplay:
I dig the Rush reference. Coldplay are ai-aight. |
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Coldplay - "X&Y":
X + Y = You Suck! |
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Colin Hay – Are You Lookin' At Me?”:
No Colin, we haven't looked at you since the 80s. |
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Constantine Maroulis - “Constantine”:
Are wanna-be singers this conceited that they name their debut album after themselves? |
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Crowded House - “Farewell to the World”:
Didn’t you say farewell to the world about 15 years ago? |
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Damien Rice - “9”:
Wow, did a 4-year old think of this album title? |
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Dandy Warhols:
The guys from Queer Eye For A Straight Guy are more manly than this band. |
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Dashboard Confessional:
One mission for emo fans is to locate their balls. |
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Dave Matthews:
Only if some devil will take his soul and rid us of his awful music. |
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Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds - “Live at Radio City Music Hall”:
I wonder if you hear crickets & coughing at the end of each song? |
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Dave Matthews Band - "Stand Up":
...Or sit down, and take a shit and unload a pile of feces on a boat filled with people. |
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David Bowie:
Something he's obviously not living in if he plans on selling this one. |
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Deftones:
Limited edition Cds comes with advil and earplugs |
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Delbert McClinton - "Cost of Living":
I'm sure the cost of living is really high for Delbert since he's only had one hit song in his life. Ya know, that um, weatherman song. Ok I'll stop now. |
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Dido:
Wouldn't your life be up for rent too if your only hit was because of Eminem? |
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Disturbed - "Ten Thousand Fists":
I think getting punched with ten thousand fists would be a better experience than listening to this album! |
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Dixie Chicks:
Eh, only two out of the three are fuckable. They're not getting any younger. |
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Dmx:
Brand new songs of him barking like a dog. I wonder if he covers the Jingle Bell song? |
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Elizabeth Cook - “Balls”:
Well we know what's on her mind don't we? |
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Elliot Smith - “New Moon”:
Isn't this guy dead? |
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Elliott Smith:
Is his coffin in the basement? Rupaul "Rupaul Red Hot" IT'S BACK! Trannies Rejoice! |
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Eminem - “Eminem Presents the Re-Up”:
Get out your glocks, do-rags, baggy clothes, gold chains and boogie down like its 1995! |
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Eric Clapton:
Umm, so this is the person Magic Johnson got the HIV from? |
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Fantasia – “Fantasia”:
This album will be just like the movie: so boring it will put you to sleep. |
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Flight of the Conchords - “The Distant Future”:
Their TV show is as funny as cancer. (which isn't funny by the way!) |
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Fountains of Wayne:
I wonder if people throw quarters at them on stage and then make a wish? |
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Fountains of Wayne - “Traffic and Weather”:
I'm curious to hear how special guests Al Roker and Willard Scott are going to sound on this album. |
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Garbage- “Absolute Garbage”:
*note* see album title |
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George Lopez:
Just insert "Black" jokes with "Hispanic" jokes and you got George Lopez. "White people are so different to (insert ethnic group here) because..." |
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Godsmack:
Lyrical masterminds with such gems as "Grrr!" "Rarrrr!" and "Eeerrraahhh!" |
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Gorillaz - "Demon Days":
You're telling me this band actually has another CD besides that Clint Eastwood song? |
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Grace Potter & the Nocturnals - “This Is Somewhere”:
I have a pretty good idea where somewhere is...in the bargain bin at Walmart |
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Green Day:
We're so political punk now but buy our record so we can buy another Hummer. The Clash "London Calling - The Legacy Edition" Now you can get the re-re-re-re-re-mastered version with the same songs you could have gotten 30 years ago. |
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Gwen Stefani - "Hollaback Girl":
You know you're white right? |
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Gwen Stefani - “The Sweet Escape”:
Is this album title referencing on how you left the rest of your No Doubt members hanging? |
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Hanson:
I wish Hanson were underneath a falling safe. |
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Hanson - “The Walk”:
Hopefully you get hit by a bus on that walk. |
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Hell Yeah – “Hell Yeah”:
Stupid Name – “Stupid Album Title” |
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Hootie & The Blowfish– "Looking for Lucky":
...Charms |
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Incubus - “Light Grenades”:
I’d like to throw some grenades into Incubus’ tour bus. |
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Janet Jackson:
I wonder if the String Quartet is going to play with their titties hanging out? |
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Jerry Garcia & David Grisman:
Yeah Jerry, but now you're a maggot-infested rotting corpse in the ground. |
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Jewel:
0304, that's how many times I wacked off to her photos. |
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Jimmy Eat World:
...Something the band doesn't have. |
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Joey Mcintyre:
Is that the time you wake up next to your boyfriend? |
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John Cougar Mellencamp:
You know what's troublesome? The fact he's still putting out albums. |
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John Mayer:
I hope some heavy things crush him to a pulp very soon. |
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John Mayer:
I've seen vaginas more manly than this guy. |
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Johnny Cash:
Goddamn, he's still alive?!! He's older than dirt! |
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Johnny Cash- "The Legend":
Yet another Johnny Cash box set, because I'm sure the last box set is sooo much more different than the last one. |
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Joni James - “Have You Heard Joni James?”:
This one is too easy. |
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Juliana Theory:
I wonder if you can hear all the emo pussies crying in the audience? |
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Jump Little Children:
Is this Michael Jackson's side project or something? |
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Keith Urban - “Love, Pain & the whole crazy thing”:
This album must be about having sex with sheep. |
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Kenny Loggins:
It's about time I got a new Frisbee. |
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King Crimson:
I can't believe someone might actually listen to this. |
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Korn – “Untitled”:
Korn are so creative they can't even name their newest album |
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Lil Flip:
I'd rather screw a quadriplegic Vietnamesse whore with Herpes and Aids than listen to this horseshit. |
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Lil Scrappy – “Bred 2 Die Born 2 Live”:
I always hated Scrappy. He always made things worse for Scooby. |
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Limp Bitzit:
You're right, the LESS I hear from you bastards, the more I am happy. |
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Linkin Park:
I'm hoping for war, just so that this band could be drafted and get killed. |
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Linkin' Park - “Minutes to Midnight”:
This band is still around trying to act like wannabe gangstas? |
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Lisa Loeb:
Hopefully she'll catch a one way trip to the moon. |
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Lonestar:
When's Dark Helmet releasing his greatest hits album? |
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Los Lonely Boys:
Hey, I should join this band! |
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Ludacris:
I thought it was watermelon & chicken? |
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Luther Vandross:
Dance with your father? So THAT'S how it is in his family... |
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