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Starring: Patrick Stewart, Hugh Jackman, Ian McKellen, Halle Berry, Famke Janssen, James Marsden, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, Brian Cox, Alan Cumming, Bruce Davison, Anna Paquin, Kelly Hu, Aaron Stanford, Shawn Ashmore, Daniel Cudmore
Directed By: Bryan Singer
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There are so many things wrong with this movie, it's almost impossible to know where to start. Likewise, this misguided sequel also doesn't know where to start. It begins with Wolverine inexplicably hanging out in Alaska or something, and for no reason as he's suddenly back at X-Men Mansion.
It goes downhill from there.
The thin plot soon reveals that mutants will soon be attacking the President (Pierce Brosnan), and his aide Colonel Stryder wants to protect him by killing all the mutants. Stryder comes up with a plan to kidnap and brainwash Dr. Xavier, and to use his powers of stopping time and finding mutants to kill the mutant race. Got it so far? Cuz there's more. Meanwhile, Magneto (who is Mag-Neat-O!) escapes from his plastic prison by moving around these bullets that he steals from a guard. (Dude, why did the guard have bullets to begin with? He didn't have anything to shoot them with...). Magneto, along with his blue sidekick babe Mystyke, trick the X-Men into think they're on THEIR side and they all go to that Alaskan place to kick some ass.
There's more. (Yes, this movie has no direction, but is scattered all over the place). Some of the X-Men meet a new blue mutant named Nightcrawler who can travel through dimensions (which is VERY cool - excellent special effects!). Nightcrawler is probably my favorite character and almost redeemed the film, but they screwed up and made him French. (It was GAMBIT who was French, idiots!). Nightcrawler was extremely cool in the movie, though his character ends up not doing much. Very underused.
Back to the story. Many more unnecessary tangents happen, like Jean Gray cheating on Cyclops with Wolverine, Ice Man trying to figure out how to pump Rogue with an icicle without killing her, Pyro Man figuring out how to tell his parents he's a mutant, and Wolverine discovering that he was created in some lab by Stryder.
Besides way too many cluttered and unresolved themes in the movie, it was also EXTREMELY disloyal to the comics. Here are just SOME of the things I noticed, that made me realize the director cared more about his stylistic storytelling than about the integrity of the original comic books.
1) Sabertooth. I'm sorry, but I don't remember Sabertooth being a hot, busty Asian chick. In the movie, they have Wolvy's arch-nemesis be Lucy Lui with boob implants. What, they couldn't afford to put Vin Diesel in a fur coat?
2) No Beast. The Beast was an original X-Men, who was also in just about every single issue of the comic. Why was he not in the movie? Too many blue characters or something?
3) Jean Gray. They hinted throughout the movie that Jean Gray is really Firestar (you would know what I mean if you read the comics), but at the end she dies without evolving! (Sorry for the spoiler.) What gives? The whole theater was like, "Oh shit, she's going to turn into Firestar now!" and you could hear the collective groan of disappointment when it didn't happen.
4) Nightcrawler. Like I said, he's not French in the comics, and he doesn't have all those weird tattoos on him. I also don't remember him being all religious (though it has been awhile since I read the comics). Wasn't it Archangel who's religious? I mean, it's not a big deal, but I'm sure it irritated many hardcore X-Man fans like myself.
5) Ice Man. Okay, this was just a cheap way to get out of paying for more effects. Ice Man has to first TURN INTO ICE MAN before he can create ice! They have some Gap kid shooting frost everywhere and he's not even all ice, or riding his ice slide. Why they didn't put in the ice slide, Ice Man's mode of transportation, was obviously about money. Or maybe they just wanted to destroy the integrity of the comic even more.
6) Pyro Man. Now, I also remember that Pyro Man has to be totally flame in order to use his flame powers, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized -- PYRO MAN WASN'T EVEN IN THE X-MEN! He's from the Fantastic Four! WHAT THE FUCK! That is SO LAME. To make matters worse, they hint at the end that he's evil. Stan Lee, creator of the Fantastic Four, is rolling in his grave.
7) Game Room. They turned the Game Room into this really cheesy observatory-type room where Dr. X puts on a helmet and can contact other mutants. Again, this is a fabricated thing by the director, used solely to move the film along. Weak, man.
8) Toad. Everyone's favorite villain from the first movie doesn't even make a cameo here. It's as if he never even existed. BAD continuity in storytelling.
There are other sloppy mistakes, but I don't want to sound like too much of a comic dork. But I wanted to get across that this movie was not only boring and confusing, but factually incorrect. There were some good things, however. As I said, Nightcrawler (even with his silly accent) was very cool, and Mystyke is HOT! And Wolverine (played by Hugh Jackson) is exactly how you'd picture him, and he (deservedly) carries the picture. Dr. X (Patrick Stewart) is also convincing as the handicapped old man who can stop time, and the guy who plays Cyclops does a great Tom Cruise impression.
I probably will see the third in the series, and hopefully it'll be a bit more loyal to the original storylines. I would also love to see some new faces in there, like Juggernut, the Sentiniels, and Bishop. And if Halle Berry is going to come back as Storm, she better get buck naked this time! |
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| RATING & SUMMARY: |
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Rating: --Sel
Reviewer: Adamo el Guapo |
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| Comments: |
| God you efffin suck. Fact checking would be nice. |
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