Advice from Jim Lindberg of Pennywise

Advice Columns | Apr 25th, 2007

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What is the greatest and worst thing about being a dad who isn’t your typical 9-5 guy?
– Future Dad

The greatest thing is probably that my kids think it’s cool that their dad’s in a band and gets be on stage and stuff, so that gives me little leverage before they’re totally embarrassed of me. The worst thing is having to travel so much and miss soccer games and piano recitals, but I think most dad’s make some kind of sacrifice so I can’t really complain. That doesn’t mean I don’t though.

Hi Jim,
When is it too late in life to aspire for a career in the punk rock music scene ?
– Brian

It’s never to late as long as your heart and soul are still into it. Career-wise there are definitely more lucrative vocations than playing two minute, 250 BPM songs to a bunch of drunks with mowhawks, but not many that are as much fun. The way the music industry is going though, it’s pretty hard to make a viable living making music anymore now that we’re all addicted to downloading it for free, that is unless you like wearing tons of eyeliner. The good thing is that more and more people will be doing music just for the love of it, which will hopefully probably produce better bands, instead of more careerists. So as long as you’re inspired and doing what feels right to you it’s never too late. Otherwise I’d say, about thirty-eight years of age should be the cut off. After that, stage dives hurt too much.

Dear Jim,
My girlfriend and I have a great relationship – we’re really happy together and we never fight or anything. But she only likes to have sex
maybe once a week, twice a week tops, and not only that but the sex is kind of boring (same position). I mean, I’m happy to get what I can, but I wish it were more. I’ve brought it up but she got defensive and I didn’t want to get into a fight about it. I love her and don’t want to cause problems, but this is kind of sucky. What should I do?
– Need More Lovin’

Wow. Didn’t it expect to be the love doctor on this thing. My wife would probably say I’m the last person that should be giving advice on this topic. I’d probably say the best way to turn most women on is through their mind first. Be a manly, respectable, non-whiny, stud of a boyfriend, and tell her how hot she is when she’s not expecting it, and do nice things for her without being a kiss ass and she’ll probably notice and want to give it up more. That and as much foreplay as she can stand and abiding by the “ladies first” rule could help. After that, get on your knees and beg.

Hey Jim,
I just purchased a home with my fiance and I’m getting married in a few months. Do you have any tips on not going crazy and killing your loved one?
– Matty Gonakilher

Wow, scary. First put down the glock, Rambo. Second. Communication and budgeting. Talking everything out, and not holding stuff in until you explode is key. Voice your opinions on the issues, and always listen to your wife’s viewpoint, even if you think she might be nuts. It’s OK to be wrong sometimes but no one wants to be ignored or disrespected. One of you is hopefully good at finances, because someone has to be responsible and make sure you’re not spending more than is coming in and that you’re putting a little something away every month. That and lots of makeup sex and you should get through it without a murder rap.

I’m getting really fucking bored at work but I’m kinda scared to start something new & start over. What do you suggest I do?
– Worker Bee

Definitely try to have something solid lined up before you kick out. Take some night classes, or sneak around at lunch and look for employment that combines something that interests you more but still gives you a paycheck. Sometimes at first you have to take a job you don’t like to pay the rent, I cleaned toilets and vacuumed offices at an office building to put myself through college, but at night I was playing in a band and working on writing to try and find something that didn’t involve scraping feces off porcelain with a wire brush. Work by day, dream at night, then work hard to combine the two. Sounds easy but it’s not.

Dear Jim,
I’m a parent of two but never get a chance to do what I want, or buy what I want. How do you manage to be a parent and do the things you want to do as well?
– Par Ent

That’s completely impossible. Next question.

Dear Mr. Pennywise,
I love music and I’m frequently rocking out, but I’m always respectful to my neighbors. Some new neighbors moved in recently and they blast
bass-heavy hip hop and rap at all hours. I’m a bit too intimidated to ask them to turn it down (I’m a passive type anyway), but if I call the cops, they’ll know it was me. Any advice?
– Angela

Get a louder stereo and then blast horrible music at them. If they like Hip-hop then probably some Emo or death metal should do the trick. When they come over to complain, broker a peace treaty on decibel levels and acceptable rocking hours. Either that or get yourself some decks and pretend you’re one of the Chemical Brothers.


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