Christmas Sequels I’d Like To See

Articles | Nov 10th, 2007

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Halloween has ended and Christmas is right around the corner. Naturally our thoughts turn to that treasure trove of joy and wonder: classic Christmas movies. But what has happened to our favorite characters since their last appearances? What can we look forward to in the future?

Maybe It’s Not Such A Wonderful Life After All
George Bailey is back, only this time the folks of Bedford Falls have fallen onto even harder times and want George’s help. But George has somehow fallen prey to the influences of evil old jerk Mr. Potter, and once again it’s up to the townspeople to save his life and his soul. And wouldn’t you know it? The climactic scene just happens to occur on Christmas again! Watch for charming everyman Steve Buscemi to fill James Stewart’s shoes in this 60-years-late sequel.

Jingle Hard All The Way
It’s the action-packed Christmas team-up of the century! Another Christmas, another random terrorist attack for streetwise New York cop John McClane (Bruce Willis) to deal with. But this time around he finds help in Howard Langston (Arnold Schwarzenegger), who happened to be in the area searching for that elusive Christmas present to buy for his son (Jake Lloyd), now a burnt-out former child star who doesn’t believe in Christmas anymore. Will they save Christmas from the terrorists AND restore our sense of wonder and faith in capitalism?

The Nightmare Before Halloween And Christmas
The Easter Bunny is still infuriated by his kidnapping at the hands of professional trick-or-treaters Lock, Shock, and Barrel. He decides to gather his army of springtime holiday characters, including a gang of tough mercenary leprechauns, to overthrow Jack Skellington and Santa Claus once and for all. But Jack and Santa find surprise help from a magical Thanksgiving pilgrim and his rabid turkey of doom!

The Santa Clause 18
Because really, what else is Tim Allen going to do?

Silenter Night, Less Deadly Night
The gang from everybody’s favorite Christmas-themed slasher movie returns. Only this time, they must save their orphanage from greedy land developers! But will the murderous Santa return and foil their zany schemes?

Santa Claus Conquers the Venusians
In this big-budget, effects-intensive, A-list sequel to “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians”, we once again find Santa being kidnapped by aliens from a nearby planet. Only this time he must deal with the sensual wiles of the inhabitants of Venus. Will Santa overcome their feminine charms and return to Earth unharmed?

Elf 2
What can I say? Elf was just a great movie.

A Christmas Carol 2
Sure there are about 5,828,838,117 versions of Charles Dickens’ classic tale of Christmas redemption, but where are the sequels? Why is there no story about an embittered adult Tiny Tim who wakes up one cold Christmas morning to realize he’s become JUST LIKE EBENEZER SCROOGE?! Big Tiny Tim is show the error of his ways by a bumbling newbie Ghost of Christmas, whose pratfalls and missteps provide all the comic relief you could want. This thing practically writes itself! Hollywood, take note!

Another Miracle on 34th Street
Uh-oh! Some grouchy old scientists have proven once and for all that Santa doesn’t exist! So what is Kris Kringle to do? Take it back to court! Kris gathers a crack team of celebrity lawyers for a courtroom showdown with all the faith-vs-science pathos of the Scopes Monkey Trial combined with the ooey-gooey holiday spirit in a charmer that the whole family is sure to love.

The Grinch 2
Ron Howard returns to make a sequel to his epic horror adaptation of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. At least, I’m pretty sure it was supposed to be a horror version. I mean, man, that whole thing was just creepy and unpleasant, just like any good horror movie should be. This time around, The Grinch is friends with the folks of Whoville, but a gamma-radiation accident creates an Ultra Grinch monster who will stop at nothing to destroy Christmas… and I mean nothing!


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