Since there are waaaay too many upcoming superhero movies being released in the near future for your average movie-goer to catch them all, I’ve decided to reach out to some of my contacts at Marvel and DC as well as some of my good friends in Hollywood to help you guys out. Here is a brief synopsis to each and every comic book movie that is in the works.
Age of Ultron – Everyone’s favorite anti-hero Iron Man (played by Robert Downey Jr.) creates an evil robot to kill the rest of the Avengers because his character didn’t get enough screen time in Guardians of the Galaxy. The Avengers split up after Hulk sends Captain America into space.
Ant-Man – An intriguing tale of daring adventures and Mother Nature, Ant-Man (Marvel Studios take on an insect hero since they can’t use Spider-Man) follows Henry Pym and the tragic story of how his ants were stolen from their peaceful farm by the Red Skull and forced to work in Nazi death farms. This movie will likely set up more insect based hero movies like Squirrel Girl.
Fantastic Four – Fox knew that the moment was right to reboot this billion dollar franchise but they don’t want to make the same mistakes that caused Galactus to turn into a cloud being because he was so embarrassed by the “Rise of the Silver Surfer”. This time around the FF are teenage outcasts that have powers awakened at an early age and take up residence at the Victor Von Doom School for Misinformed Youth. The producers want the movie to have a Dawson’s Creek feel for the younger audiences.
Deadpool – Since the initial concept of Deadpool that was introduced in the “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” movie was such a success with fans around the world, Fox wants to continue the trend of Deadpool mixed with other Mortal Kombat characters. Reptilepool, Goropool and Deadmeat are major possibilities!
Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice – More like Yawn of Justice. Everyone in Hollywood says to avoid this movie because Spider-Man won’t be in it. If for some reason it does well, Ben Affleck is expected to play every superhero ever from now on. Sorry Nic Cage.
Captain America: Civil War – This movie isn’t going to be what it seems and will NOT be based on the comic book storyline. Instead, after finding his way back from being thrown into space by the Hulk, Cap falls into a time paradox and finds himself fighting for his life in the American Civil War alongside Abe Lincoln and Ronald Reagan…against space werewolves! This one is going to be HUGE!
X-Men Apocalypse – This highly anticipated X-universe flick is reportedly going to follow the Age of Apocalypse story from the comics, but obviously with some necessary Hollywood changes. Instead of an alternate reality full of war and strife (which the studio says that movie-goers are sick of seeing) Apocalypse arrives in the 60s and must find the X-Men to put together one of the biggest concerts of all time in order to save mutantkind…Woodstock! Also it’s also rumored that all of the other actors aside from Hugh Jackman will have smaller parts and cameos this time around. The studio bigwigs want Hugh to finally have his time to shine on the big screen and carry a movie himself for once.
Suicide Squad – I’m not really sure how this movie is going to be considering the final draft of the script is only about eight pages long and consists of the cast of villains killing themselves in various ways. Except Will Smith. He can never die.
Dr. Strange – Marvel will finally get to introduce the supernatural and mystic side of their cinematic universe in this Harry Potter-esque film. It is rumored that J.K. Rowling has turned in what should be the final draft of the script.
Sinister Six – If this movie does get the greenlight, expect it to carry on the casino heist tradition of the Ocean’s 11 & 12 movies. This one is highly unlikely to be made due to Sam Raimi wanting to spend all of the movies budget on gambling at the on-site casinos and on whores…lots of whores.
Wolverine 3 – While still untitled, my sources say that this movie will follow the only two remaining mutants left alive (Wolverine and Apocalypse) after the success of the first Woodstock (which saved mutantkind) and the utter failure of Woodstock ’94 (which ultimately destroyed all of mutantkind). It’s supposed to be a buddy/cop movie in which Burt Reynolds is rumored to be involved.
Guardians of the Galaxy 2 – After the astonishing success of the first movie in which James Gunn turned a relatively unknown ensemble of misfits into a pop culture phenomenon, he’ll be at it again complete with a 90’s hip-hop soundtrack that will fit the tone of the second film. Will Smith and Bill Goldberg are rumored to be in talks to play Adam Warlock and Bug, respectively.
Wonder Woman – HAHAHAHAHAHAH! This movie will never be made because the predominantly male audiences that watch comic book movies do not want to sit for two hours and watch a movie about an amazingly gorgeous Amazonian goddess that can kick Superman’s ass and captivate movie-goers hearts all in the same scene. HA! Girls can’t carry these kinds of movies! What are they thinking?!
Fantastic Four 2 – After the first movie in the rebooted trilogy, the original gang of troubled teens goes missing and Professor Von Doom has to travel the globe searching for new youngsters with recently awakened powers to help him rescue the original team. Fans are going to love this new and original concept.
Thor: Ragnarok – Marvel is keeping this one under wraps for some reason. Rumor has it that Chris Hemsworth may be out and will most likely be replaced by Robert Downey Jr. who wants to play every Marvel character in the upcoming Infinity Wars movies.
Black Panther – As the title reads, this movie harkens back to the early days of the Black Panthers as they struggle to maintain peace in Harlem during the riots of ’71. How this ties in to the current Marvel Cinematic Universe is up in the air but sources say that the storyline is directly affected by the problems that were caused from Captain America fighting in the Civil War. Samuel L. Jackson may reprise his role as Shaft for this one!
Justice League – This is the big one for DC and their fans. After fighting amongst themselves in the solo movies leading up to this one, it is rumored that Superman and Batman decide to share Wonder Woman amongst each other and lesser known villains that weren’t good enough to be in the Suicide Squad movie such as Darkseid, Solomon Grundy and Bat-Mite are pissed off because they want Wonder Woman as their slave/bride/maid. With the recruitment of Green Arrow, Green Lantern, Flash and Bloodwynd into the JL now the villains have to fight sex testosterone-driven males for their prize. Expect a cameo by Zatanna because DC comics is obligated to have two women in their movies to compete with Marvel and to appease feminist fan girls.
Female Led Spider-Man movie (Aunt May/Trouble) – While this movie has a lot of unknowns about it, according to some of the Sony hacks (you can take that both ways really), this one will most likely follow the 2003 mini-series “Trouble” which told the tale of a young and horny May and Ben Parker as well as Richard and Mary Parker have sex a lot and do teenage things like drag race and make fun of nerds. Spider-Man’s true origin will finally be unveiled when it is revealed that his Aunt May is actually his mom because of that one night all of the future Parkers had a blood orgy. Nuff said! I’m pre-ordering a ticket for this one!
Venom/Carnage movie – Hot off of the heels of the Aunt May Does Dallas movie, Sony looks to keep the Spider-Man franchise fresh with a Venom/Carnage movie in similar fashion to the seminal crime movie “Pulp Fiction”. If Sony can lure Samuel L. Jackson away from playing Shaft in all upcoming Marvel Cinematic Universe movies, they want to pair him up with Carrot Top as Cletus Kasady AKA Carnage as a pair of forsaken criminals trying to fight their way out of the underground syndicate. If they can’t get Sam Jackson for this one, expect them to just show footage of someone livestreaming themselves playing the Maximum Carnage video game for two hours.
Lego Batman – This one is an easy one. Sony will easily make millions of dollars by editing together clips that have already been released in the Lego Batman video games and releasing it in IMAX theaters. People eat up the Batman movies no matter what. Suckers.
The Flash – Following up with the Justice League storyline, this movie is rumored to tell the tale of what the Flash would do with Wonder Woman if he could have her to himself for one whole week. I’ve heard rumblings of a trip to the Smoky Mountains and some “Deliverance” shit going on. Hey, you gotta give it to them, DC knows what their fans want!
Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 – This movie will be the single greatest movie to ever grace the movie screens of mankind ever! Every Marvel movie character that has ever existed…even the hacks that play on that godawful S.H.I.E.L.D. show might show up…and even die for good this time! But to every Marvel fans’ dismay, Thanos still won’t be the main villain. The Avengers and the Guardians of the Galaxy are set to team up to take on…wait for it…the ARMLESS TIGER MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ATM somehow gets hold (haha) of the Infinity Gauntlet, attaches it to one of his nubs and reigns terror down upon the MCU. It’s going to be an epic cliffhanger leading up to Infinity War Part 2 for sure!
Captain Marvel – 746 movies into it and Marvel finally puts out it’s female-led super heroine movie. This movie will obviously be about a chick flying around in space shopping who is hit by cosmic radiation, becomes a Kree and gains space powers beyond her belief. No one will ever beat her to the early bird sales ever again! And she manages to hook up with Captain America and Thor…at the same time! Excelsior!
Unknown X-Men movie – Being that this movie is quite a few years out and much of it is relatively unknown and dependent upon the success of Hugh Jackman’s ability to finally carry the X-Men movie franchise, the few tidbits that I do have are that this movie is going to star one of two characters with the first being Doop while the backup option is supposedly Wolverine. The latter is most likely the go to choice for some reason. It will probably be about the one time Wolverine and Nightcrawler were mad at Colossus for breaking up with Shadowcat so they took him to a bar to get him drunk and then beat him up, but the Juggernaut was there and he did it for them. Sounds epic.
Aquaman – DC foreshadowed this movie with the recent release of their movie poster comic book covers. This will pretty much be DC’s take on the riveting “Free Willy” story but starring Aquaman instead. It’s one of those modern remake things, I suppose.
Inhumans – While pretty much a big “eff you” to the Fox X-Men movies, “Inhumans” will be Marvel’s way of adding the M word which Marvel shall not speak of (mutants) to their universe. That way they can use the Terrigen Mists to come up with clever characters that are similar to X-Men such as the Wolfrine, TriClops (different from the He-Man character because of a C and no spacing), Magneato-Completo, Professor Y, the Feast, Gene Gray and Coleslawsus to name a few. Pair them with soon to be uber-popular characters like Black Bolt, Crystal and Lockjaw and you have yourself one hell of a Marvel movie that will also serve as a middle finger in the air to Fox and Hugh Jackman.
Amazing Spider-Man 3 – This movie probably won’t happen after it is revealed that Aunt May had an abortion in her solo movie. Instead, expect a sequel to the Aunt May movie reportedly focusing on her college dropout years titled “Aunt May 2: Electricfuckaloo”…probably.
Shazam – Starring the Rock and some little kid, this movie will stand apart from the Justice League movies since no one at DC really likes Shazam that much and doesn’t believe that he should be a part of the JL. Also, they’re kind of ticked off that Marvel gets to use the Captain Marvel title for their movie and that they stole the script that they wanted to use for this movie. Expect Shazam to be stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean with his tiger Tawny…for three hours and in real time. SHAZAM!!!
Avengers Infinity War Part 2 – Picking up where the first part left off, the Avengers…made up entirely of Robert Downey Jr. will fight to save the world against the menace of mankind…the Armless Tiger Man and his quest to please Death’s Head and to make him his mistress. This will set up the craziness of a cinematic universe turned on its’ head with most of the world’s heroes either dead or eating shawarma. Phase 4 officially begins.
Justice League 2 – With only one solo movie between the first and second JL movies (?) this movie is reported to focus solely on Wonder Woman killing every male in the DC universe…except Shazam because he’s a little boy…except for when he’s a grown man. Possible love story there? It is DC you know…anything is possible.
Cyborg – It took DC even longer than making a movie with a woman as the main character to release a solo movie with a black character in the lead role. Shame on you DC for not having your priorities straight! Half man/half black, Cyborg will most likely survive the onslaught of Wonder Woman (probably because of magic or something) and will set up a Teen Titans/Legion of Superheroes movie and open up DC’s cosmic side…considering Wonder Woman didn’t kill all the space dudes too.
Green Lantern – After the enormous success of the first GL movie, DC will most likely bring Ryan (Van Wilder) Reynolds back in a true sequel about zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
Now there are said to be a handful of movies without release dates that are supposedly in production or close to it. Since these movies may or may not happen, I won’t waste much time on them and will give you a brief one sentence synopsis of what you may or may not see.
X-Force – Will probably focus of Cable and Deadpool teaming up…or Wolverine…probably Wolverine.
Gambit – Hugh Jackman will play Gambit with Wolverine making a cameo, or taking over the whole movie but will probably be a Wolverine solo movie.
Sandman – Will follow the Sandman’s early days as a rising star in ECW.
Justice League Dark – With the obvious success of a Cyborg movie pending, this will be a Justice League movie comprised of all of the black characters in the DCU…including Black Mask and Black Adam because they have black in their name like Black Lightning!
Untitled Superman movie – DC just doesn’t get it and they make yet another Superman movie for fan boys to bitch and moan about, but this time they bitch and moan about it harder!
Untitled Batman movie – With the amazing casting choice of Ben Affleck, and with Kevin Smith signed on to most likely write and direct this movie, it will most likely just be a rehashing of Chasing Amy but with Ben dressed as Batman in every scene and it will also feature some gems from Kevin Smith’s tenure as a Batman writer such as Batman pissing his underoos and getting high and stuff.
So there you have it folks. I hope that this article has prepared you for the upcoming barrage if comic book movies and that it can help you to decide which movies are must see material and which movies starring Ben Affleck that you just have to avoid.