Don’t Bring Your Children To R-Rated Movies!

Articles | Apr 19th, 2010

Have you ever gone to a movie, thinking it would be kiddy-free and then you end up with a theater filled with annoying, talking kids? I’ve already written about talking in movies before, but lately it seems like more and more kids are showing up into adult movies and they DON’T SHUT THE FUCK UP!

This weekend, I went to see the R-Rated adult comic book movie Kick-Ass. It was a fun, entertaining movie for ADULTS by the way. Lots of the action, raunchy humor, sexual situations and “strong language.” The showing was at Sunday morning, 10:30am in the morning; not that many people there. Maybe 35 people in the theater so it was sporadic seating. Out of those people, 3 groups of people had children with them. All of them were talking the entire time! 1 of these twerps was sitting near me. From the start of the movie, you can tell this wasn’t a kids movie AT ALL. Cursing, masturbation scenes, a big breasted teacher stripping, fun stuff for adults. Yet the parents still let their kids see this movie. Yeah, covering up their eyes for potential nudity is really going to do something. They can’t see nudity yet they can see a bad-ass 11-year old knifing people and cutting limbs off and calling them “cunts.”

I really don’t get clueless parents these days. I’m not a parent yet, but I have enough knowledge and SENSE to know not to even bring them to a movie like this. I’m not faulting the filmmakers on this at all, it’s the parents’ job to know what movie they are taking their little shits to. Sure, the movie studios marketed this movie towards the young comic book audience, and that might have been a problem too. But anytime a movie looks questionable, ask someone who’s seen it or go see it by yourself before bringing a kid to it! Beats having to spend the money and then leaving because it’s too bad for the kids. There’s movie rating in place because of things like this, and that’s why we have movie reviewers. You read the reviews, find out if its kid friendly. Or maybe you’re just a dumb parent who wants to see the movie and you bring the kid along because you’re selfish? And then when that kid talks the entire time, it’s distracting for the rest of the audience! What’s even worse, is seeing a kid jumping down in his seat and screaming “KICK SOME ASS!” and other words that the movie just said. Kicking the seats, cursing, yeah I’ll be very surprised if this kid doesn’t become a criminal.

I had enough of the kid half-way through the movie that I had to move. I could have complained to the movie theater that there was a young kid in there, and he was talking. But I really didn’t feel like getting into an argument with a witless parent. I just couldn’t watch the movie like that anymore. All the ssshing I did, still didn’t change the fact that the father was a rude prick who didn’t keep his child quiet. He would tell him to be quiet once but then he would keep shouting and talking.

When I have kids, one, I’m not going to bring them to a movie until they are mature enough to know not to be rude. Two, they will be explained the rules of movie theaters, and if they don’t behave, out of the theater they go. Some parents do this, and take the kid out of the theater. Quiet them down a bit and bring them back and try again. If it keeps happening, you leave and go home. It’s as simple as that. You lose out on money, and you try again when it’s sunk into their little pea brains not to talk & misbehave. If my future kids talk, I’ll threaten them with stories about how movie theaters have cages underneath the theaters for talkers. Scare the living shit out of them! That’s one solution at least. Maybe the theater chains should develop “The Kid Muzzle”? The muzzle can come with a giant size popcorn and soft drink! Don’t worry, there will be a small hole for them to breath and to take in their food and drinks.

I can’t really complain about going to see a movie like Shrek or Toy Story, and having kids talk in the movies. What do I expect I guess, it’s a kids movie. Well scratch that, yes I can bitch about that too. The whole point of seeing a movie at the theaters is to see it at the big screen and (hopefully) not having any distractions. The parents need to explain to their children that you can’t talk in theaters or at least whisper if there’s a problem or they need to take a leak. If I went to see one of these movies at late at night, there are still some parents that feel the need to bring their children to that one too. Which brings up the question on why are they keeping their children out this late?

Another trend that I’m seeing lately is parents bringing their newborn babies to a movie. If you can’t find someone to watch the baby, DON’T BRING THE BABY! Stay home and watch something on TV then. Besides, movies come out on DVD so damn quickly lately that you would only have to wait a good 4 or 5 months for that movie. It’s just not going to be pleasant if you bring your baby to a movie theater, and it’s filled with people. The baby will be crying, smelling of shit, probably puke all over the place; ya know, the stuff babies do. I guess you can always just leave the baby in the car…with the window cracked of course. I’m joking obviously.

So parents, if you have a young kid who wants to see that new movie that looks like a lot of fun. Be a parent, do your research and figure out if the movie is something my kid should see..AND will my kid annoy the rest of the audience. The most likely answer is that is yes, the kid will…SO STAY THE FUCK HOME WITH YOUR CHILDREN!


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