So one day this Indiana Jones guy was walking around. Flaunting his big leather bullwhip, his leather shoes, his leather gloves, his leather jacket and his leather hat because he was this big creepy leather junky. But anyway, he pulled out his bullwhip and whipped it good, taking off a random passing thug’s nose.
“Ha ha” he said “that will learn you to not be an evil random thug!”
So then this evil Nazi thug comes up and says “Hello Dr. Jones I am an evil Nazi thug!”
“Nooooo!” Doctor Jones, our hero, says.
“Ha ha I have an evil red Monkey thing that will kill you and eat your children!” the Nazi Evil thug said.
“I have no children!” Indy said laughing at the inept Nazi Thug.
“You get laid on every adventure and you have a new adventure every other day and you expect me to believe you have no children in this day when condoms aren’t invented yet? Ha! I laugh at you! Ha ha ha!” Nazi thug man said.
Running away towards the evil red Monkey thing.
Then Jones said “Ow that evil Red monkey thing ate my face and bit me and ow it hurts and ow!”
Jones then killed the evil Monkey thing and gutted it in order to get his face back, which he sowed back on to his face, which was kind of strange since you’d think the monkey would have chewed it and digested it or something. But not, monkey swallowed it whole and gave it back to Jones after he was gutted by him and so then Jones sewed it back onto his face but then he heard a familiar voice cry out: “E. Thugias must break you now!” and he turned to see his old enemy, E. Thugias.
“Oh no I thought I gutted you”!
“No you idiot you gutted the red monkey Thing that doesn’t really have much to do with this story!” said the jerk E. Thugias.
So Jones turned to E. Thugias and removed his intestines and beat him to death with his intestines which was really messy and icky but that’s how the jerk Jones is because he’s a jerk and stuff.