Once upon a time on a small farm in Kansas lived a small family of three, plus a dog which makes four. And the son in the family, he looked like a normal dark-haired dreamboat of a guy but he was in reality a Strange Visitor from the Planet Krypton! His name was Clark Kent but he is also known as Kal El the Last Kryptonian and soon he will face his greatest Challenge ever!
One day Clark was on the farm doing chores with his adopted father Jonathan who was irritated at Clark for staying out too late.
“Clark you are only what, 20 or something, and you stayed out too late and someone might have seen you using your powers when you were out late, I’m very disappointed in you” Jonathan said disappointedly to Clark.
“But dad I’m sorry” Clark said sorrily to Jonathan.
“Son I know I am grouchy with you but it is only because I want to teach you right from wrong one of these days”
“Sorry dad” Clark said. “Um, I have to go to the Talon and mope over Lana now.”
“Okay son have a fun time”
So Clark went to the happenin local coffee joint known as the Talon, and he totally gave Lana this creepy stalker look and sighed, because Lana worked at the Talon and he was totally in love with her evene though they dated and broke up eighteen times in the past.
So Lana saw Clark and walked up to him and said “Clark we cant continue on like this I demand that you tell me everything about you right this instant or we cant be together anymore because honesty is the best policy so you better tell me all your deep dark secrets right now!!” but Clark didn’t want to tell his STRANGE VISITOR FROM ANOTHER PLANET secret so he said “Hey lana, can I get some coffee” cleverly distracting her.
Meanwhile Clark’s far hotter, funnier, more awesome friend Chloe showed up and said “You know Clark I’ll totally be with you if she doesn’t want you” but Clark was all like “But she’s kinda cute and she’s really bitchy and bossy and demanding, man I love her so much and I always will”.
So Chloe sighed and then Chloe’s hot amusing cousin Lois showed up and was all like “Hey yo guys whats the haps?”
“Clark is moping about Lana again” Chloe said
“You’re so boring Smallville” Lois said, because even though she was in a town full of people from Smallville she only called Clark Smallville because she’s all weird and quirky like that, but it’s okay cuz she’s totally hot and remember that one episode where she was dancing around in an American flag bikini? GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!
Anyway, Chloe and Lois were getting bored with Clark’s moping when suddenly a tall, super handsome, insanely well-dressed man showed up.
“Hey ladies, care to come with me and have a little fun?” said the handsome stranger.
“Sure! But who are you?” Chloe said.
“My name is Fredrico, and I’m the hottest man in the world”
“Oh we know” Lois said “Let’s go, Chloe” and so Fredrico walked out of the Talon with the two super hot girls on his arms while Lana gave Clark a dirty look and Clark sighed dreamily at his love interest. But Lana only responded with an other dirty look and Clark said “Gee Lana what’s troubling you?” and Lana said “Well Clark last night I was bit by a wolf, it was kind of weird for a wolf to be in Kansas but I blame the meteor rocks because they’re evil and killed my parents.”
Clark shrugged but happened to glance outside and noticed the moon was full. Suddenly Lana turned into a werewolf!
“Rawwwoar” she said. Then she totally jumped at Clark and tried to eat his face!! But Clark used his rad super strength to knock her across the room just as Lex Luthor walked in! Lex froze and looked inquirinisitively at Clark.
“Clark what just happened?”
“Uh hi Lex, uh, I guess a werewolf attacked Lana and made her into a werewolf too and her super werewolf powers, uh, temporarily rubbed off on me and allowed me to super-punch her.”
“Oh” Lex said and shrugged. “Luthorcorp happens to be developing an anti werewolf vaccine so let us go to the werehouse and get it”
But suddenly Lanawolf jumped up and ran out the window, howling and laughing!
“Oh no I must chase her” Clark said to himself. But he couldn’t super-run because Lex was totally standing there and looking at him, so he said “Hey Lex, look over there! It’s a wall!” and Lex turned to look at the wall and when he turned back Clark was gone!
“Wow I must have looked at that wall longer than I thought” Lex said with a shrug before hopping into his awesome car of awesomeness and cruising away towards Secret Luthorcorp Lab #283 .
Meanwhile in Fredrico’s penthouse Metropolis apartment, Fredrico was serving drinks to the two super-hotties that came home with him. But little did they know, he totally put some sleep drugs in them! Oh no!!
Back in Smallville Lanawolf totally ate three drunken fratboys who ironically had just murdered some nerd guy so it was all cool that they were eaten. But then Clark caught up with her and said “Lana stop eating people” but Lana’ was still hungry and she turned and tried to bite Clark only to knock out all her wereteeth!
Suddenly Lex Luthor showed up with a dart gun and shot Lana with a dart filled with Luthorcorp brand Werewolf Antidote and Lana turned back from a werewolf and into a human!
“Ow I am hurt” Lana said so they took her to the Smallville hospital!
The next day Clark was in his barn loft playing with his telescope (innuendo lol) when Lana came in. Suddenly some crappy teen wuss rock started playing softly in the background.
“Clark I’m here to talk about what happened this week with the werewolf and how it affects our relationship”
“That’s okay Lana I don’t think it will mean much other than to make us mildly uncomfortable with each other for a few minutes, then we can go back to our usual longings tempered by a vague hostility and secrets and lies.”
“Okay cool” Lana said, then they held hands and looked out the window, when Lana said “Hey whatever happened to Chloe and Lois?”
Clark frowned and said “Oh they went off with that guy, I forgot his name…”
Suddenly Fredrico said “It was I, the great Fredrico!” Then he shot a knockout dart at Lana because she is so damn annoying, and she conveniently passed out and could not hear the following conversation.
“Where is Chloe and Lois?” Clark said.
“I have them chained up somewhere, Clark. Or should I say… Kal El?!”
“What! How did you know my other name!” Clark said, because he was Kal El too!
“At last you should know the truth, for I, the great Fredrico el Guapo am really… Fre Dri of Krypton! And I have a little present for you!”
Fredrico opened a lead box and tossed something at Clark, and it was a rock and it was glowing and purple! It was purple Kryptonite! Clark had never seen Purple kryptonite before and didn’t know what would happen, so imagine his surprise when he started uncontrollably doing the Chicken Dance!
“This purple meteor rock Is making me chicken dance” Clark pointed out “Please make it stop!”
“No! My fiendish plan calls for me to allow you to chicken dance until you pass out from exhaustion, and purple kryptonite conveniently makes you exhaust easier, and then I will kidnap you and take you away for sinister purposes but don’t’ worry it will all happen before Lana wakes up and has more than a vague suspicion that u are holding something back from her, LOL”
So then Clark collapsed from the exhausting chicken dance and Fredrico took him away for unknown devious purposes…!
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!