Spider Man: The Fanfic!

Fanfics | By on May 3rd, 2007

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One day Spider Man was swinging around Chicago, like, I know it’s supposed to be NY but there’s an EL train for crying out loud, so I’m gonna say it’s Chicago. Besides the Midwest is the coolest place ever!!! Anyway, Spider Man Was swinging around Chicago when suddenly he saw his Evil Nemesises Doctor Octopus and Green Goblin, or Doc Oc and Doc Gob!

“Mwahaha, we are evil!” Doc Ock said.

“Mwahaha, I am green and green is cool!” Doc Gob said.

“Mwahaha, jokes are funny!” The Joker said. Then he run away.

“Oh no! My evil enemies of doom!” SpiderMan said. Why are you here?”

“We have teamed up to form an evil plot of doom!” Doc Ock said.

“Yes! First we will take over the series of tubes thaqt make up the internet! Then we will steal all the dictionaries in the world and replace all the “t-h-e”s with “t-e-h”s! Because that would be teh awesome!”

“Yes! And then we will use teh internet to virtually rob every bank in the planet!”

“Mwahaha!” he added.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Spider Man said. Then he said “No! You must not mutilize our English language like that!” Spider Man said. “But I’m feeling so depressed today, Mary Jane did not give me a kiss and I wanted a kiss from Mary Jane because Mary Jane is a hot redhead, man, why is everybody so down on Kristen Dunst, she’s so hot, did you see that one part where her shirt got all wet, that gave me spider-wood LOL, but anyway, I want to join an emo band instead of saving the world today because I am sad!!”

“Hahahaha, emo is teh suck!” Doc Goblin said.

“NOOO! That’s it, you must die now!” Spider Man said because they hurt his feelings.

Suddenly an other evil villain showed up, this time Electro Man!

“Hey guys I know a secret, Spider Man is really Peter Parker, let’s all go kidnap his girlfriend and make him mope!


“Nooooo! You must not kidnap my girlfriend Mary Jane, who is a hot redhead!”

“I like the mary jane” Doc Goblin said, followed by an uncomfortable silence.

“Lets go kidnap her” Doc Octo said.

“Yes it will be awesome!” Electro Man said.

“No it won’t!” Spider Man said.

“Yes it will” Electro Man said.

“Nuh uh!” Spider Man said.

“Yeah huh!” Electro Man said.

“OH yeah? Well yo mama!” Spider Man said.

“Oh no! I am angry! Now I must attack you!” Electro Man said attackingly.

Then he shot his evil electricity out of his eyes and fried Spider Man!

“mwahaha, we have destroyed Peter Man, let us go over throw teh internet!” Doc Ock said.

“*high five*” Doc Ock said in reply.

So the four villains left, and Spider Man was all laying on the sidewalk smoking from all the horrible burning electricity, when suddenly all the new Yorkers were all like “Hey! You mess with spidey you mess with all of us!” so they got all there torches and pitchforks and went on a march to go find the evil villains and kill them to death!!!! ROTFLOL

But wait! Spider Man is not dead! He used his awesome Spidey Cents to buy a first aid kit and revive himself! And then he followed the trail of angry villagers to the evil villainus triad who are now approaching the internet tubes!

“Stop you villains!” Spidey said.

“No we will not!” Doc Gob said.

“Did he just call us villains!” Doc Oc said. “What a jerk!”

“I thought I killed you, you jerk!” Electro Man said.

“Yes but not hard enough!” Spider Man said. The villagers all laughed at the stupid inept villains and Spider Man’s hilarious joke!

Suddenly Spider Man’s friend Venom came out and said “Don’t worry Spidey, I will lick them all to death with my large tongue which is always hanging out of my mouth because it looks cool that way!”

“Rock on” Spidey Man said.

So Venom licked Goblin do death, but then Doc Oc grabbed him and Electric zapped him and Venom died!

“OH NO!” Spderman Said. “You have killed my friend!”

“Avange… me… spider…man… Venom said with his dying breath.

“DIE MOFO!” Spider Man said, killing Electr Man with one brutal super awesome punch to the face!

“Now it is just us!” Goblin said. “I must avenge Doc Ock and Electro Man, because they were my buddies! We were supposed to go drinking tonight!” Jerk!”

So then it came down to the final showdown, and Spider Man was about to be defeated by the super-powered Green Goblin but then Spidey said “Hey goblin, eat this!” and then pulled out a pie and gave it to Goblin, and Goblin ate it because he loves pies so much, but Peter Parker had secretly poisoned it when he baked it, so Green Goblin died!

“OMG I am so awesome, I have saved the Internet and now I must go to my favorite internet website called readjunk.com, it is the bestest place ever!”

And so Spider Man attends this awesome website to THIS VERY DAY, only in disguise, because he doesn’t want anyone to know who he really is!!!! But maybe he’s disguised as a handsom super author named Fredrico? Who knows!!!!!!