The Day Yoda Went Insane: A Star Wars Fanfic

Fanfics | By on Apr 21st, 2006

No Image Found

Plastic Death Match Presents

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

Those pesky Sith Lords were at it again. Their evil bid for power was costing innocents their lives, so Yoda decided to go insane.

“Go insane I will, yes, yes,” he commented to a nearby tree. The tree offered no reply.

However, for a long time, no one noticed any difference, because, heck, Yoda was pretty weird to begin with. People began taking notice one day when Yoda was teaching Jedi class. He instructed his students to pair off and grab their partners in a force grip.

“Now do-se-do round and round, don’t let your partner hit the ground,” he sang. “Green am I in the face, now throw your partner into hyperspace!”

Later, Mace Windu approached Yoda.

“Yoda, you stupid (word omitted), your students had some disturbing things to say about your last (word omitted) class. I should bust out my lightsaber and cut your ugly (word omitted) head off!”

“Naughty language use you,” Yoda replied.

They both busted out their lightsabers and began some sort of super-Jedi duel.

“Very feminine your purple lightsaber is,” Yoda said.

“Shut the (word omitted) up, you pointy-eared freak!” Mace yelled.

Suddenly, a Sith Lord jumped into the room!

“Growl,” he said.

Mace turned to the Sith Lord and began attacking.

Yoda moonwalked away. He eventually came up behind Ki-Adi-Mundi and jumped on his head, covering his eyes.

“Guess who I say, yes, yes,” Yoda screeched.

Ki pulled out his lightsaber.

“At last I have found you, Darth Irritable!” he hollered, swinging blindly.

“Fooled you I did! Pinch you I must!” Yoda said. He pinched Ki and ran away cackling.

Things were getting dull in the Star Wars universe, so Goku suddenly appeared!

“Big his hair is,” Yoda mused.

Goku went Super Saiyen and attacked Yoda, despite the fact that he really had no reason to, seeing as how they weren’t enemies or anything.

Goku began launching an energy attack at Yoda! Yoda got mad so he, too, went Super Saiyen! Okay, so he wasn’t a Saiyen to begin with, but it had the comical result of making Yoda’s sideburns glow and stand on end.

“Extra midichlorians have I. Throw them at you I will,” Yoda screeched, throwing a couple of rocks at Goku.

Variety is the spice of life, so Superman suddenly showed up.

“Luthor! You shrank!” he yelled at Yoda.

Suddenly, the world blew up! The world being whichever planet they were on at the time.

“Space stops me not. Still talk can I,” Yoda said.

“Hey, me too!” the others said. Naturally it turned into a three-way, zero-g battle royale!

Bursts of light energy shattered the darkness of space as Goku ka-me-ha-me-ha’d Superman’s ass.

“Not hard to see Goku is,” Yoda said, but how he knew Goku’s name was anyone’s guess. Gotta be the Force or something. Yeah, that’s it.

Yoda ignited his lightsaber and proceeded to hack Goku’s arm off. He then took the next logical step, which was to eat the severed arm!

“Chewy your flesh is,” Yoda said between mouthfulls.

In a fit of pain-induced hysteria, Goku began to cackle insanely. “Huhhuhhuh, you said Chewie!” he yelled.

Meanwhile, Superman focused his heat-ray eyebeams on his two opponents.

“Hot in here is it, or just me is it?” Yoda asked.

“Shuddup!” Goku yelled.

“Not tolerate your insolence I will!” Yoda said. He attached himself to Goku’s neck and bit his head off!

“Play basketball now I will,” he said. This was the start of a long, strange basketball game between Yoda and Superman, using Goku’s head as the ball. Each contestant received numerous cuts and bruises from Goku’s pointy hair. Oddly enough, playing basketball in a no-gravity vacuum and without hoops is almost exactly the same as it is with gravity, air, and hoops.

After hours of playing, Superman was the victor!

Yoda became enraged and screamed “Now you must die!”

“Eh?” Superman asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Err… Die now you must,” Yoda calmly corrected himself.

Superman decided that would be a good time to blow that particular pop stand, as it were, so he traveled back through time and space to get home.

“Odd that was,” Yoda commented. “High am I on the acid, but not THAT high!”

“Uhm, could you put me back with my body?” asked Goku’s head.

Suddenly, another Sith showed up!

“Womp on you I will. Yes, yes!” Yoda called gleefully. He held Goku’s hair and swung the head like a club. He quickly beat the Sith Lord into submission. Then Yoda ate the Sith Lord, and Goku’s head. And so, all the problems were solved and Yoda became sane again.

The End!