Punch the panda in the stomach until it’s dead. This will also help tenderize the meat. After skinning and cleaning your panda, cut the meat into very thin strips (cut with the grain, not against!). It may be easier to cut the strips very thin if the meat is half-frozen. You also want to make sure there’s very, very little fat or tissue on the meat, as they make it difficult for the meat to dry.
Take the thin panda strips and marinate them overnight. You can use all sorts of different marinades, but for panda, I prefer diluted teriyaki sauce with garlic powder, pepper, salt, and onion powder. Marinade the meat either in a very tight container or a Ziploc bag.
The next day, drain any liquid from the panda strips. Press down with paper towels to get all the moisture out. Heat in the oven on the lowest possible setting this may take all day, but slow cooking is the only way to completely dry out the meat without overcooking it to a crisp. In the meantime, enjoy the delicious panda aromas as its evil seeps out.
As it cooks, be sure to turn the pieces over occasionally, and to continuously discard any drippings. Once completely dried, cool in the refrigerator using an airtight container.
Finally, enjoy your panda treats and the knowledge that you have done your part in protecting humankind.