Ever wonder what the Star Wars universe would be like if presidential candidate Donald Trump existed in it? The dark side of the Force would consist of childish name-calling, every planet would be covered in huge obnoxious billboards and signs, and all the skyscrapers in Cloud City would be classy, solid gold.
Here are other ways the Donald would class up Star Wars:
Loud, know-it-all Imperial officer who claimed The Trump Organization was the ultimate power in the universe. He was blown up in the destruction of the Trump World’s Fair casino shortly after.
Ozzel commanded the Super Star Destroyer Executor, that is, until he opened his big mouth about how there are too many undocumented workers in the Empire.
Piett was a Captain and reluctantly worked under, what he considered, a stupid leader in Admiral Barack. He was later promoted by himself to Admiral.
Jabba the Hutt henchman who started a movement questioning if Jabba was really born on Nal Hutta.
Loyal advisor to Jabba The Hutt that can speak multiple languages like Losernese.
Bounty Hunter that was appointed with the task of finding escaped crime-lord El Chapo The Hutt.
Infamous bounty hunter that takes the hair of Jedi and then wears it for himself. After surviving the Sarlacc Pit, he decided to release a book The Art of Staying Alive in The Great Pit of Carkoon.
Cornelius Evazan goes up to strangers and tells them his friend doesn’t like them and thinks they are losaaaahhs…and he doesn’t like them either!
Former Jedi knight and born into a wealthy noble family, a.k.a. Trust Fund Jedi. Later became a Sith Lord and vowed to take down all political parties by running for Supreme Chancellor. When he couldn’t get the nomination, he decided to just be an Apprentice to Darth Sidious.
Married his first wife Ivana Maul, a model and athlete on the Czech Olympic Ski Team. His daughter Ivanka Maul is heavily involved in the family business of tracking down Jedi.
The Vader’s brand spans a wide variety of industries including choking people out, killing Jedi children, real estate, catering, The Vader ice cream and catering food (dead Jawas) to other Jawas.
An injury prone bounty hunter who started the Miss Corellian Pageant.
Emperor Palpatine / Darth Sidious
Scheming and powerful Emperor who started out by getting a small loan of 1 million Imperial Credits from his Dad. He ruled the galaxy through fear and tyranny by building walls around Coruscant and the United States of Naboo. Created the Trump Death Star that blows up planets and egos. The Emperor is also known for his bankrupt Casinos on Coruscant and Bespin.
A guard at Jabba’s Palace and a germaphobe as well. Nothing he hates more than shaking hands with people.
Led the Imperial assault on Hoth by strapping Rosie O’Donnell to the front of his AT-AT and made her yell at the Rebel Alliance.
Grand Moff Tarkin
Ruthless leader of the Trump Death Star and he demonstrated the station’s power by destroying China.
Bounty hunter that got into trouble for his racist tweets about Han Solo.
Jabba The Hutt
The galaxy’s most powerful gangster that made bimbos into slaves. If they survived for 6 months, he would let them participate in Miss Tatooine Pageant contest. The Winner was eaten by the Rancor.
Giant monster underneath Jabba’s Palace. Responsible for killing lots of Jabba’s slave bimbos, where you could see blood coming out of their eyes and coming out of their…wherever.
Malicious J. Trump
Little critter that started out as a court jester for Jabba the Hutt and later hosted a reality game show on NBC.
The Sarlacc Pit
A sand monster, a real winner, with an enormous mouth. It digests and feasts on morons, dimwits, idiots and losers from the outer rim territory for over the course of a few years.
The fearsome Sand People protect their borders from dummies trying to sneak into their lands undetected. Their transportation is 1987 Dodge Ram Pick Up Truck with an old flag of The Old South of Tatooine.
Viceroy Nute Gunray
Political squidface who was a cutthroat businessman who tried to expose Queen Obamadala as a fraud.
Slimy Human-trafficker Toydarian that had many witless women work for him. And by work, I mean having sex with him using fly swatters.
Wampas are snow creatures on Hoth. They are armed with sharp yellow teeth, deadly claws and bright orange hair filled with disgusting pheromones to attract their prey.