I’m drunk and I have no patience for your dumb crap. So shut up and listen.
My iTunes is on shuffle and every song is awesome because I have impeccable taste. Unlike you morons. Check out these tunes.
Dr. Ring Ding – “Good Times” (Nice Again)
A tasty little dancehall number from our favorite German reggae master. Mein leibshin, rudeboy stylee! I love this guy.
Rush – “Something For Nothing” (2112)
The closing song on side two of 2112, an album best known for its title track epic, instead of the amazing tunes on side two (besides “Twilight Zone” – ugh). This song is super catchy and has an important message. Freedom isn’t free, you won’t get wise with the sleep still in your eyes, and your dreams are meaningless. Note that this came out during lyricist/drummer Neil’s Ayn Rand-loving phase.
Groovie Ghoulies – “Bye Bye Brain” (Travels With My Amp)
A fun if self-deprecating song about one’s intelligence. Listen to it 5 or 6 times, until you get used to the monotone vocals. I always found it amazing that a band with such bland, disaffected vox can be this catchy. But then again, there was the first two Ramones albums…
The Clash – “Kingston Advice” (Sandinista!)
Anyone who doesn’t like Sandinista! is a fucking moron. No, Sandinista! is NOT the punk version of the White Album. People make that comparison, suggesting that both bands should’ve stuck with the best tunes and made one album instead of a diluted, lengthy product that requires a lot of free time. That’s true about the White Album (c’mon, “Revolution #9”?), but Sandinista! is genius and perfectly fine throughout with the only exception being Ivan Meets GI Joe, which is a fun tune but a little too disco-y. I even like the elementary school recital version of Career Opportunities. Anyway, this song, toward the end of side six or whatever of Sandinista!, is awesome.
The Queers – “Something In My Heart” (Munki Brain)
Getting drunker now and I’m going to kill anyone that overlooks their last studio album. Goddamn, this is a fucking heartfelt song. Fuck you for not liking the cuter Queers songs.
Screeching Weasel – “Hey Suburbia” (Boogadaboogadaboogada)
I always wondered why they were in love with suburbia. I think it had something to do with them not giving a shit about tomorrow. Still not sure tho. Anyway, great tune and I even love Even In Blackout’s sweet n’ sour cover.
Queensryche – “Another Rainy Night (Without You)” (Empire)
God, this song is good. The lyrical guitar riffs, the up-tuned drum snare, Geoff Tate’s drippingly sexy vox (shut up, I love him). Perhaps this song is marred by the background vox during the chorus, and by the idea of a DUDE waiting by the phone for a GIRL, but that’s how we rolled in 1990. What’s awesome about this post-hair metal tune (and the whole album, come to think of it) is how even the verses sound like choruses. And the bridge and the guitar solos and everything – so much catchiness packed into one most rockin’ tune. Marry me, Geoff Tate. You will never wait by the phone again.
Camera Obscura – “Tears for Affairs” (Let’s Get Out Of This Country)
Damn you, Camera, for pulling me down from utmost rockitude back to depressing reality. But your lessons-learned, jaded-yet-still-vulnerable approach to love and life is a beautiful thing to behold. Forget punk, forget rock. Give me a bottle of wine, an accordion, and a sad corner in a European public square at night. We’ll toast our cruel ways with the rich, velvety distractions that keep us going.
Polysics – “Boy’s Head” (Now Is The Time!)
Ah, Japanese casio-punk genius! “Boy’s Head” and the next song on this album, “Oh! Monaliza” both have a circus-y, bouncy, euphoric, surreal feel that for some reason brings to mind the Muppets. Awesome.
Misfits – “Bullet” (Static Age)
This song’s lyrics are so incredibly awesome, especially when you consider that they were written in the late 70s: “President’s bullet-ridden body in the street / Ride, Johnny, ride / Kennedy’s shattered head hits concrete / Ride, Johnny ride.” To provide some perspective, this song was written the year that the charts were dominated by the Bee Gees, Andy Gibb, and the Grease soundtrack. And “Bullet” is the catchiest of the bunch.
Helen Love – “Big Pink Candyfloss Haircut” (Radio Hits 3)
A good closing tune, as I want to get off the computer and harass my wife for lovin’ by dancing like a monkey. It just occurred to me now, in my drunken state, that “Big Pink” is sort of like the casio punk version of Frank Zappa’s “Peaches en Regalia”, without the faux-Italian gondola melodies. Or maybe I’m just drunk. Wheeee!