Ska Pick-Up Lines (for the Rudest of the Rude)

Pick Up Lines | By on Jan 1st, 2005

1. What’s black and white and red all over? My skankin’ heart.
2. If beauty could be measured by weight, you would be Buster Bloodvessel.
3. The Specials? The only special one here is you.
4. You must be Jamaican… cuz Jamaican me crazy!
5. You syncopate my heartbeat.

6. You’re anti-racist too??
7. Catch 22 is awesome. You know what else is a catch 22? The fact that I love you and yet I don’t even know your name.
8. We go together like Guinness and Bass.
9. Wow, you have old vinyl? Can I show you my 7″?
10. You put the snatch in Bodysnatchers.
11. Hey, I like that vintage 50s checkered waitress dress… but I’d like it better on my bedroom floor!
12. Are your pubes also in a Chelsea?
13. (As she’s leaving the ska show) “Hey aren’t you forgetting something?” “What?” “Me!”
14. I didn’t know they let thieves into ska shows… because you just stole my heart.
15. Can I be your pietaster?
16. What’s your position on dancehall? Can I tell you my favorite positions?
17. I love Madness, but you’re driving me to it with your beauty.
18. Your legs must be tired from skanking through my mind all night.
19. Is your father a Toaster? Because your buns are HOT!
20. Hey, that skinhead over there looks scary. Let’s get out of here.
21. I play trombone, and you know, we do it in seven positions.
22. If you think I reek from skanking, you should smell me in bed.
23. Don’t be Stubborn – Jump Up and show me your Moon.
24. You must play the trumpet… cuz you really make me horny!
25. Please stop skanking. Stand still so I can pick you up.
26. The dance floor must be wet with sweat cuz I’ve just slipped and fallen for you.
27. Hi, does this Red Stripe taste funny? (hand her an untouched bottle of beer)
28. Like Deal’s Gone Bad, I’m a pirate. And I’m after your booty! Arrr!
29. How about we spin some ska music and then I’ll fuck you up the ass? (Slap!) What, don’t you like ska music??
30. Are you going to the ska party tonight? (What ska party?) The one in your mouth – can I come?
31. Hey, Less Than Jake is up next. Let’s get out of here.
32. You look just like Gwen Stefani. Oh wait, you’re a 12-year old boy.
33. Hey baby, I need to siphon gas for my Vespa and I was wondering if you were good at sucking.
34. What’s a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this?
35. Gee, for a fat girl, you sure don’t sweat much when you dance.
36. You know what would look good on your checkered skirt? My sperm.
37. Before the Bosstones, there was only one thing so mighty mighty.
38. I just shit my pants. Can I get into yours?
39. Isn’t Hepcat so romantic? Let’s fuck.
40. I don’t like Mustard Plug, but I can give you a great butt plug.
41. Let’s co-opt urban Jamaican music and make it digestible for white American suburban kids… together!
42. Wanna see my Skankin Pickle? The green cleared up.
43. (Spill a drink on her) I’m sorry, I apologize for my Bad Manners.
44. The only time I’d kick you out of bed is to do you on the floor.
45. I have a penis; you have a vagina… that can’t just be coincidence.
46. You’re ugly but you intrigue me.
47. Hey baby. You remind me of my dead mother.
48. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.
49. Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you? (always works)
50. Some of these pick-up lines have nothing to do with ska. Wanna come over and help me write better ones?

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