SPAOJ & READ At The Oscars 2005

Articles | By on Jan 1st, 2005

87th Academy Awards (The Oscars)

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

Don Cheadle – HOTEL RWANDA
Johnny Depp – FINDING NEVERLAND
Leonardo DiCaprio – THE AVIATOR
Clint Eastwood – MILLION DOLLAR BABY
Jamie Foxx – RAY

READ: Have to go with Jamie Foxx on this one, given that he was snubbed for Booty Call.
SPAOJ: Leonardo diCRAPio probably sucked off half the Academy members so he’ll probably win.

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Alan Alda – THE AVIATOR
Thomas Haden Church – SIDEWAYS
Jamie Foxx – COLLATERAL
Morgan Freeman – MILLION DOLLAR BABY
Clive Owen – CLOSER

READ: Jamie Foxx. I’m still in tears over his brilliant performance as Bunz.
SPAOJ: Whoa…Thomas Haden Church IS alive! hmm I guess I lost a bet.

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

Annette Bening – BEING JULIA
Catalina Sandino Moreno – MARIA FULL OF GRACE
Imelda Staunton – VERA DRAKE
Hilary Swank – MILLION DOLLAR BABY
Kate Winslet – ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

READ: Once again, I have to go with Jamie Foxx. The man is a genius.
SPAOJ: Michael Moore was SOOO snubbed!!

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Cate Blanchett – THE AVIATOR
Laura Linney – KINSEY
Virginia Madsen – SIDEWAYS
Sophie Okonedo – HOTEL RWANDA
Natalie Portman – CLOSER

READ: Four “who?”‘s and one “boiiiiiing!” My erection chooses Portman.
SPAOJ: I think Natalie Portman should have been nominated for Best Actress and HER ASS should have been nominated for Best Supporting Actress.

ANIMATED FEATURE FILM

THE INCREDIBLES
SHARK TALE
SHREK 2

READ: Cartoons are below me. I fill my time solely with films that are high art, except for that film High Art, which really sucked.
SPAOJ: Is it wrong that I find Mrs. Incredible really hot?

ART DIRECTION

THE AVIATOR
FINDING NEVERLAND
LEMONY SNICKET’S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT

READ: Ah, the ever-important Art Direction award. Given for excellence in.. umm… painting the sets. I didn’t see any of these movies, so I’ll go with Jaime Foxx in Booty Call.
SPAOJ: The art direction team should have made some boobs for Gwen Stefani in the Aviator.

CINEMATOGRAPHY

THE AVIATOR
HOUSE OF FLYING DAGGERS
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST
THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT

READ: The one award that no one can spell. Gotta go with Jesus on this one. And by Jesus, I mean Jaime Foxx as Bunz in Booty Call.
SPAOJ: The Jesus movie will win because those shots of his skin ripping off his body in slow-mo were awesome!

COSTUME DESIGN

THE AVIATOR
FINDING NEVERLAND
LEMONY SNICKET’S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS
RAY
TROY

READ: Troy is up for an Academy Award? And I thought the Academy lost all credibility when they snubbed Booty Call!
SPAOJ: Like, oh my god, those clothes in Finding Neverland were totally lame. Like for sure.

DIRECTING

THE AVIATOR
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
RAY
SIDEWAYS
VERA DRAKE

READ: Vera Drake doesn’t have a chance in hell. Clint might win because the Academy’s lips are forever attached to his dick.
SPAOJ: Give Scorsese the damn Oscar already so they stop nominating him. The man could direct a German Shizer film and the Academy would still nominate him.

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE

BORN INTO BROTHELS
THE STORY OF THE WEEPING CAMEL
SUPER SIZE ME
TUPAC: RESURRECTION
TWIST OF FAITH

READ: Hoping for Born Into Brothels because maybe they’ll show some Booty Call-esque footage. Tupac will probably win though, because if he doesn’t, he’ll release another four post-humous releases bashing the Academy.
SPAOJ: Maybe the camel is weeping because he has lung cancer.

DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT

AUTISM IS A WORLD
THE CHILDREN OF LENINGRADSKY
HARDWOOD
MIGHTY TIMES: THE CHILDREN’S MARCH
SISTER ROSE’S PASSION

READ:Huh huh. Hardwood.
SPAOJ: Sister Rose’s Passion…oohh, that sounds HOT!

FILM EDITING

THE AVIATOR
COLLATERAL
FINDING NEVERLAND
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
RAY

READ: I think the film editor is the guy who makes sure everyone’s names are spelled correctly in the credits. Since Jamie Foxx has the name most likely to be misspelled, I have to go with Ray and/or Booty Call.
SPAOJ: I guess Ray should win it since they edited all that footage of Jamie Foxx bumping into the walls.

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

AS IT IS IN HEAVEN
THE CHORUS
DOWNFALL
THE SEA INSIDE
YESTERDAY

READ: Le Call d’ Booty
SPAOJ: As it is in Heaven… hopefully that’s a bunch of naked chicks massaging me and feeding me grapes… With a happy ending of course!

MAKEUP

LEMONY SNICKET’S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST
THE SEA INSIDE

READ: The Jesus Christ Movie. They did a great job with his eyelashes and making his cheekbones more prominent.
SPAOJ: Jesus’ hair in the movie looks soooo faaaaabulous.

MUSIC (SCORE)

FINDING NEVERLAND
HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN
LEMONY SNICKET’S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST
THE VILLAGE

READ: If your job is to make music scores for movies, you ought to go back to your high school and stab your guidance counselor to death.
SPAOJ: Imagine if they had a soundtrack of Jesus singing his favorite christian songs while getting whipped?… WAIT, where’s everyone going!? COME BACK!

MUSIC (SONG)

“Accidentally In Love” – SHREK 2
“Al Otro Lado Del R” – THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES
“Believe” – THE POLAR EXPRESS
“Learn To Be Lonely” – THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA
“Look To Your Path (Vois Sur Ton Chemin)” – THE CHORUS

READ: Learn To Be Lonely if you like any of these songs.
SPAOJ: Do these songs sound freakin’ terrible or what!!??

SHORT FILM (ANIMATED)

BIRTHDAY BOY
GOPHER BROKE
GUARD DOG
LORENZO
RYAN

READ: The Triplets of Booty Call.
SPAOJ: The one about Renegade is gonna win.

SHORT FILM (LIVE ACTION)

EVERYTHING IN THIS COUNTRY MUST
LITTLE TERRORIST
7:35 IN THE MORNING
TWO CARS, ONE NIGHT
WASP

READ: Little Terrorist. It must be a Problem Child sequel.
SPAOJ: 7:35 in the morning, i’m usually taking a massive shit.

SOUND EDITING

THE INCREDIBLES
THE POLAR EXPRESS
SPIDER-MAN 2

READ: Jeez, why dont they just give out awards for being grips?
SPAOJ: *FLIPS COIN* um, who gives a fuck?

SOUND MIXING

THE AVIATOR
THE INCREDIBLES
THE POLAR EXPRESS
RAY
SPIDER-MAN 2

READ:How come this has five entrees and Sound Editing only has three? How does one tell the difference between sound mixing and editing anyway? This whole thing is fucked.
SPAOJ: Why is Polar Express nominated? They couldn’t even get the mouths to go along with the voices.

VISUAL EFFECTS

HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN
I, ROBOT
SPIDER-MAN 2

READ: I, Robot. I heard they spent millions in special effects to make Will Smith look like he can act.
SPAOJ: Damnit, you stole my joke!

WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY)

BEFORE SUNSET
FINDING NEVERLAND
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES
SIDEWAYS

READ: Before Sunset, because I love hearing two self-absorbed rich white people talk eighth-grade philosophy.
SPAOJ: Writing is stupid.

WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY)

THE AVIATOR
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND
HOTEL RWANDA
THE INCREDIBLES
VERA DRAKE

READ: Eternal Booty Calls of the Spotless Mind
SPAOJ: People seem to like Charlie Kaufman. Personally I think he sucks donkey dick.

BEST PICTURE

THE AVIATOR
FINDING NEVERLAND
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
RAY
SIDEWAYS

READ: Booty Call.
SPAOJ: I don’t know why someone would make the movie Ray. After all, who would watch a movie about singer Ray Parker Jr?