You Might Be A Loser If…

Articles | Jul 17th, 2004

You Might Be A Loser If…

1. You debate who’d win a fight – Han Solo or Indiana Jones
2. You play and finish a Final Fantasy game… and then go back and play it again with the cheats and walkthroughs
3. You listen to music scores from movies… like, when you’re not watching the movie
4. You listen to ska music
5. You know what hentai is

6. You masturbate to hentai
7. You even search for hentai featuring Dragonball Z characters
8. You dress like a mod
9. You wait in line for hours for tickets to the new Star Wars movie, even
though you’ll hate every minute of the movie
10. You watch Spongebob Squarepants and you’re older than 6
11. You took an escort to the prom because you couldn’t get a date, and you still couldn’t score
12. You own more than five comic books
13. You have practiced putting on condoms
14. You think vinyl sounds better than CDs
15. You’re nostalgic for the 80s even though you were only 7 at the time
16. You dress your dog up like Princess Leia and act out scenes with her
17. You get all your news from
18. You have a pet/kid named after a Lord of the Rings character
19. You own more than one website
20. You know JAVA
21. You know what HTML stands for
22. You only speak in movie quotes
23. Every time someone talks to you, you impersonate William Shatner
24. You watch the Daily Show for news
25. You make a “You might be a loser!” list
26. You go to conventions to meet chicks
27. You only have friends that are online
28. You own any Star Wars merchandise
29. You hated the Dungeons and Dragons movie because everyone knows clerics can’t wear chain mail
30. You spend more than a hour on a forum
31. You have tried making an actual lightsaber
32. You have an autograph from George Takei
33. You bought Luke Skywalker’s hand that got caught off in Empire on Ebay only to realize that it was fake
34. You have a bumper sticker that says: “My other vehicle is the Millennium Falcon”
35. You fantasize about your significant other as Princess Leia in the slave bikini
36. You have 12-sided dice hanging from your rear view mirror
37. You dress up for really bad movies, like Corky Romano
38. You buy DVDs for the audio commentaries.
39. You bought Masters of the Universe for the Dolph Lundgren audio commentary
40. You like Widescreen better than pan & scan
41. You like anime
42. You actually went to college to learn something
43. You’ve customized the ring on your cell phone…
44. …To play the theme to Deep Space Nine
45. You think the Matrix was a good movie…
46. …And now you wear a trench coat because Neo does
47. You spend most of your online time trying, unsuccessfully, to hack into porn sites
48. You’ve danced the Batusi at nightclubs
49. You actually think Middle Earth exists
50. Your think aintitcool really is cool
51. You think Angel is better than Buffy
52. You have bought Happy Meals just for the Star Wars toys
53. You’re a scientologist
54. You have a Star Wars tattoo
55. You have read Harry Potter
56. You want to play Quiddich in gym class
57. You have taken drama
58. …And did your monologue on Krull
59. You have tried explaining X-Men comic book storylines to someone
60. You’ve taped butter knives to your hands and pretended to be Wolverine
61. You think everything on Adult Swim is hilarious
62. You won’t go to a movie theater unless the sound is up to par
63. You have signed an online petition
64. You have signed an online petition concerning a movie or tv show
65. You collect bobble heads
66. You’re out of college and still living at home!
67. …And don’t have a job and think managing a ska website is a full-time job
68. You play video games more than a half hour a day
69. You actually think Britney Spears is hot
70. You have a tattoo written in Chinese or Japanese
71. You did your English thesis on kung fu movies
72. You like to watch movie trailers
73. …On the Internet
74. Bruce Campbell is your favorite actor
75. You actually care who wins an Oscar
76. You won’t see a trilogy until all the movies have been released
77. You named your dog Indiana
78. You think music begins and ends with Rush
79. You took a music course in college
80. You think girls don’t like you because they’re all bitches
81. Your two favorite channels are Comedy Central and Cartoon Network
82. You think Iron Chef is cool
83. You have an Urkel sleeping bag
84. You own a cloak/cape
85. You know the lyrics to the “Ballad of Bilbo Baggins”
86. You don’t like a movie because the book was better
87. You like more than 5 sports
88. You actually think the Mets have a good baseball team
89. You download porn for the stories
90. You go to at least 2 shows a week
91. You’ve alphabetized your CD/DVD collection
92. You’re computer screen is bigger than your television
93. You start to realize you’re living the life of Chris Peterson from Get A Life
94. You heckle comedians because you think you’re funny
95. You talk out loud in a movie theater
96. You’re a regular at karaoke nights
97. You look at magazines…in bars
98. You’ll only go drinking if there’s video games involved
99. You sleep with a night light
100. You got offended by this list


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