Lawrence Arms

Interviews | Nov 30th, 1997

The Lawrence Arms is a band. They take their music seriously. They begin letters to their fans with “Hello, my children.” Their website is at
I’m not sure who answered this interview, but I think he’s in love with me.

What do you like most about me?
I don’t even know who you are. This interview is nothing more than series of questions that have been emailed to me. I can’t possibly answer this question.

Why am I so awesome?
You have a giant dick.

What sorts of rites do you perform in your worshipping of me?
I touch my own dick.

Please finish this sentence: I am to everything awesome in the universe as you are to…….
your dick.

What are some things you’d like to know about me?
Hmmmmmm….the real question here is, why are you so enamored by my feelings towards you? Are you in some way attracted to me, or is it an internal conflict that is the result of an inferiority complex? Or, are you just an incredibly lazy journalist? I suppose the possibilities are endless.

Apparently you’re in some sort of band or something. Have you written many songs about me?

Is it difficult being in a relationship, when all women are attracted solely to me?
Not really.

How has being interviewed by me helped your music?
Ways too numerous to mention.

Tell us about your recent projects… and how they relate to me.
This interview is over.