Describe your band using a three-line, 17-syllable haiku.
Russ Rankin (vocals): fuck kill destroy

Your band is a supergroup, not unlike Asia, whose members hail from Good Riddance, Bane, Converge, GWAR, Hagfish and Bananarama. Were you all fired from your respective bands, or is Only Crime sort of a refuge from the bandmembers you’re sick of seeing in your everyday bands?
We are all in the witness protection program. Don’t tell anyone.

Who brings the most to the table? The Converge guy, right?
Yes… he is the riff master.

Does the GWAR guy make you eat roadies?
No… he enjoys peanut butter filled pretzels and diet sodas.

Who in the band wears adult diapers? What other embarrassing things can you tell me about each other?
We are presently diaper-free. Bill had a rash but then he “witched up” (applied generous amounts of witch hazel to the problem area) and now he’s fine.

Would you rather go on tour with Rush or have sex with Natalie Portman?
Have sex with Geddy Lee.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten (besides Gwar roadies)?
Wasabi peas.

Say there was a contest where the winner could hang out with Only Crime for a full day. Describe that day to me.
A bubbling potpurri of gas, feet and coffee… many trips to starbucks and vietnamese restaurants. Office Max. Half-viewed dvd movies…

What sorts of jobs would you guys have if you weren’t into this music thing?
i would be an adult film performer or a lawyer.

If you were gods, how would you like to be worshipped?
Bring us soy coffee beverages

Does Crime pay? If so, can you give me some money?
i’m telling you it don’t, jack.

Thanks OC!

Only Crime appears courtesy of Fat Wreck Chords. Their debut album is To The Nines. Check out one of their tunes.