There is only ONE pop-punk band that sounds exactly like the Queers and whose name is a Three’s Company reference. And that’s Regal Beagle. And maybe the Methadones. But Regal Beagle rock. Their new album “A Little Tide Up” will be out soon on Rally Records, and produced by everyone’s favorite lovable curmudgeon, Joe Queer. I sat down with bassist Jellybrown to discuss the atrocities in Darfur.

What is it about Screeching Weasel and the Queers that make you want to imitate them?
Jellybrown (bass): If you’re going to imitate a band, imitate the band that use the least amount of chords; it makes it harder for people to realize how bad you really are. Hahaha, actually it’s pretty easy to hear those influences in our music, because they are great fucking bands, but truthfully most of the guys in the band don’t really listen to pop-punk at all. Our new CD is going to sound heavily like the Queers – Joe [Queer] produced the thing and did some guest vocals.

Can anyone truly be “punk” if they’re not on heroin?
Let me check my rule book, hold on…glue sniffing,check. Only drinks Bud, check. Cry in my beer, check. Yeah looks like the by-laws will allow it.

Describe to me the worst gig you’ve ever played.
Holy shit this is going to be tough, we have played some fucking stinkers. We’ve done all the usual crappy LA shows where you’re only playing for the other bands and their girlfriends. We played one show were one of the other bands wore pig masks and had 50-year old interpretive dancers crawling around on the bar asking people for shots of jagermeister. One of the funniest crap shows was in Vegas where we were promised $75 bucks. At the end of the night the promoter only came up with $65 (which was more than enough) but she felt so bad that she offered to blow a friend of ours in one of the nastiest restrooms I’ve ever seen.

If Regal Beagle were a disease, what would be the symptoms?
Symptoms include an insatiable craving for egg rolls and carne asada burritos, bowel control issues prior to public performances, a propensity towards impregnating your wife, and a love for steroids.

If you wrote a song about Jeff Goldblum, how would it go?
Probably start with 1-2-3-4, no more then three chords. The song would be an homage to the great work he did on Transylvania 6-5000. I would even try to cover the theme song to that movie, which was fucking awesome….

What do the ladies think of Regal Beagle?
They think it’s a bar on a sitcom, duh. Unless of course they know us, in which case they are married to us and likely pregnant.

Tell me about your first kiss.
I’m looking forward to it, it’s going to be awesome!!!! Haha, I don’t really remember, I’m sure it was awkward and my breath must have stunk.

Millions of children die everyday of starvation, genocide, and war. You could be using this time to help them, but instead you’re doing an interview. What are you, some kind of monster?
I make the world a better place one cheesy pop-punk song at a time.

Rant about something random.
Why can’t I park there on Tuesday? Seriously, the fucking car is in front of my house. If the street-sweeper misses my side, I’ll take care of it, but no…instead I get a bullshit ticket. Besides, how am I supposed to remember what side is okay on what day? I’m not a civil engineer, but there has to be a better way. Oh yeah, and there is something happening in Darfur, I’m not actually sure what…but let’s get on that, maybe send them the money from my parking ticket.

Visit Regal Beagle on the Myspace at here