Cribs “Men’s Needs, Women’s Needs, Whatever”

Album Reviews | Jun 2nd, 2007

No Image
Sorry Folks, No Image Is Here.

Record Label: Warner Bros.
Band Link:
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So Warner Bros. wants me to review their new hot band. Once I do so, I will have given a band of Warner Bros., one of the richest corporations on the planet, some free publicity.

Hey, I don’t mind. That’s my job. I don’t even ask labels or bands to be appreciative of the hour of my life I spend on each CD, so that I can plug their bands and help fatten their pockets.

But when a label treats me like a criminal, without me even doing anything, the level of ingratitude is startling. The CD they sent me doesn’t have liner notes or come with a case – it’s wrapped in a sealed, bright yellow cardboard sleeve that alerts me – with big exclamation points in cautionary triangles – that I am a bad, bad person if I do anything but review this CD in the restricting terms they provide.

On both sides of the sleeve, and on the CD itself, I am threatened and intimidated. There is more information about what I’m supposed to do with the CD than about the band. A sampling of the glaring legalese: “Until the CD release date, the CD is to be listened to solely by the authorized recipient, and you agree not to reproduce, transmit, distribute or otherwise make the music on this CD available to any third party. Thereafter, this CD may not be resold… At all time, you agree to keep this CD safe from unauthorized use. The music on this CD has been watermarked with a unique identifier that allows us to identify you as the source of any unauthorized copies. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY UNAUTHORIZED USE, REPRODUCTION, TRANSMISSION OR DISTRIBUTION OF THE MUSIC ON THIS CD.” (Caps theirs.)

Words don’t frighten me, but it is scary that they know my name and imprinted it upon the CD, along with my very own unique identifying number. Why don’t they just make this shit self-destruct after one listen?

So, fuck you Warner Bros. I am not going to waste any of my time making you richer, while you bully me and insult me by assuming I would do anything criminal in the first place. I’m glad to hear that CD sales are down 20% this year, bankrupting an industry that extorts its consumers and treats their artists and fans alike like shit.

My apologies to The Cribs – I have no idea what you sound like, but if you would like to send me a copy of your CD yourselves, I would be happy to review it.

Bottom Line: This CD is now destroying the environment in some landfill somewhere.
Notable Tracks:
Overall Rating: -1