Tristan Clopet – “Purple EP”

Album Reviews | Jan 10th, 2011

Record Label: Sussex Recordings
Genre: Alternative
Band Link: www.tristanclopet.com
Buy on Amazon.com

Tristan Clopet has managed to meld two hideous genres into a fabulously awful sound – 90s funk-alternative and light ballads.

This EP starts off with a funk-alternative tune (“Proximity Bomb”) that could’ve been a B-side to Red Hot Chili Peppers’ “Give It Away.” I was going to write the EP off right then and there, but then “So Alive” came on, and was surprised to hear a major musical shift. But, unfortunately, it was a bad Coldplay-like piano ballad.

Okay, maybe this guy is very eclectic and covering all the bases. Maybe the next track will be hardcore punk or 2-Tone ska or a Scottish bagpipe dirge or a Hungarian waltz. Nope – the third track “Superficiality is a Sin” takes 90s funk-rock and your typical Lite FM ballad and does the unspeakable – it combines them.

I’m talking funk wah-wah guitars, embarrassing rap-sung delivery, and… violins. I’d rather listen to stray cats having sex on top of a garbage truck at 4 am.

I skipped around the other tracks, but they were too white-boy funkadelic to hear in their entirety. I apologize for judging on snippets, but the safety of my ears is first and foremost.

The little that I heard of the remaining tracks brought back bad memories of junior high school and Blood Sugar Sex Magik, with the exception of “Love and a Question,” another shmaltzy ballad from prom land.

The sad thing is that Tristan Clopet seems talented. He plays a number of instruments (and not poorly), and his voice is actually decent (hence the non-subzero rating). He should consider genres where he could sing as opposed to spouting out clipped, plosive sprechgesang a la Faith No More’s “Epic.” And by genres I don’t mean Sweet 16 pop ballads.

Bottom Line: Please don’t play that funky music, white boy.
Notable Tracks: N/A
Overall Rating:

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