Starring Paris Hilton, Paula Garces, Sarah Carter, Simon Rex, Geoffrey Arend
Written By: Cheryl Guerriero, Jason Jordan, Matthew Lawton, Anna Obropta
Directed By: William Heins, Strathford Hamilton
Studio: Vivendi Universal
Buy on Amazon.com link

The following things would be more pleasant than watching Pledge This, the new straight-to-video Paris Hilton film from National Lampoon:

– having mice slowly eat away your toes
– running for 22 hours straight whilst having to go to the washroom really badly
– eating an entire tweed jacket
– pulling out every hair on a cat and then force-feeding them to children
– watching every Police Academy movie in a row
– tattooing every Death Cab lyric to your body with a scalding iron
– listening to Metal Machine Music on your dad’s new extra-loud surround sound system
– vomiting two lungs and the small intestine
– projectile diarrhea
– herpes
– accidentally having sex with a blood relative
– realizing a video of said sexual experience is on YouTube
– enjoying said experience
– watching You Got Served on repeat for 3 days straight
– getting served….sucka
– spontaneously combusting
– being buried alive
– inserting a dozen raw eggs into your body without using your mouth
– death

Quite honestly, I couldn’t finish watching this movie. I was at a point where I would be willing to never watch films again just to let this one not exist. Not a joke in sight. Unless you think inane vanity and bad acting is funny. Or bad lines like ‘why is everyone from Myspace in my pool?’. And as far as plot…I’m not so sure there is one. I tried to figure it out, but I couldn’t. And then there’s Paris. She plays a caricature of herself going to college and being the queen of the school. But I didn’t know they let someone like her, who if you listen closely does not have a line in the film with more than 6 words in it, into places of study.

We all know that anytime you stick Paris into a movie, its credibility automatically goes down, but the saddest part is that there will be people that see this. I could recommend a thousand movies that are better than this one, but for some reason, people want to see a girl who is so skinny and anemic that she might as well be from poverty-stricken Africa. I prefer a girl with meat on her bones, but that’s just me. Sarah Carter, one of the co-stars is WAY hotter. But then, she doesn’t have a following of tween girls who look up to her for the sheer reason of vanity.

Please, please, please, write letters to the studio announcing a boycott of their films if they ever subject us to such trash again. It’s a shame that this is put out by the same parent studio that released Spider-Man. For shame. I don’t think I can look into Tobey Maguire’s eyes the same way again.

Features:
Making of Featurette

Audio:
English Dolby Digital 5.1

Video:
Widescreen

Subtitles:
English

Favorite Scenes: Pretty much the gratuitous nudity. But by that point my hatred of the film overcame my love for boobs.
Rating: R
Running Time: 91 minutes
Extras Rating:
Overall Rating: