Jeff Goldblum Pick-Up Lines

Jeff Goldblum is the greatest actor…ever! There’s no debate about it. Besides being ReadJunk’s One True Goldblum (OTG), he also has a way with the ladies. Perhaps he used lines from the various movies he appeared in? I’ve compiled a small list of the best Jeff Goldblum movie quotes that could be used for pick-up lines. If you use these pick-up lines, you’re on your way to some Blummin’ sex!

01. You want sex with Joe and Mike? (Earth Girls Are Easy)
02. All these weeks I’ve been coming here, I’ve been wanting to ask you something. What I really want to know is… er, what’s your name? (The Tall Guy)
03. What’s the most intense sex thing you ever did? You ever, uh, been with two women at the same time? (Deep Cover)
04. I’m always on the lookout for the future ex-Mrs. Malcolm. (Jurassic Park)
05. A toast, to the end of the world. (ID4)
06. I think you’re making a mistake. I think you really want to talk to me. (The Fly)
07. You’re the most ravishing creature that I’ve ever seen in my life. (Life Aquatic)
08. What is “easy”? (Earth Girls Are Easy)
09. Please? Just dinner? (The Tall Guy)
10. Fuck! is what I’m thinking. (The Fly)
11. I was the captain of the machine gun team. (Vibes)
12. I’ve heard some nice things about you. (Mad Dog Time)
13. I’m an insect who dreamt he was a man and loved it. But now the dream is over… and the insect is awake. (The Fly)
14. I like to breathe, I’m good at it. (Vibes)
15. Uh, what’s your dog’s name? (Life Aquatic)
16. When I look at you, I have hope that maybe one day our humanity will surpass our technology. (Powder)
17. God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs… (Jurassic Park)
18. I’ve come here to say one magic word to you. …Cheeseburger (The Fly)
19. A man has two things in this world: his word and his balls. Or is that three things? (Deep Cover)
20. Don’t be afraid. (The Fly)

Ninja Pick-Up Lines

Take a man, immerse him in intense training for years and send him out on deadly missions against samurais, pirates and dinosaurs where he may not come back alive. That kind of life can get lonely. If you are, have been, or plan on becoming a ninja in the future and wind up in some hole in the wall tavern or a biker dive, try some of these helpful pickup lines to land that one night stand that you so desperately need. And remember ladies, ninjas need lovin’ too!

1.Sword? Yeah, I have a sword. Let me unsheathe it for you.

2.Yessiree, I am a master staff handler. Care to show me your technique?

3.If you come over to my hut, I’ll let you handle my puff balls.

4.Fukiya or blowgun…whichever you prefer to do.

5.Hey baby, I’ll take you so high that you’ll have to call me a Zen master.

6.Like my master used to say, it’s always good to train with a partner.

7.I’m sure that you can show me some advanced blowgun techniques.

8.The true path to enlightenment leads right to my bedroom door.

9.Your beauty has struck me like a blow dart straight through my heart.

10.Ninjas do it best at night. Let me show you.

11.Baby, I know you want to see my long sword.

12.I am an assassin, now will you let me in that ass?

13.Let me disprove the theory that ninjas are like shadows and only come at night and are gone by sunrise.

14.I will train you in the great ninja way of hands and knees meditation.

15.Take it from me sweetheart, Chuck Norris ain’t got nuthin on me!

16.Let’s go back to my place and you can help me practice my aim.

17.The glimmer of your eyes reminds me of the sparkle of a blood-spattered sai on a moonlit night.

18.Once you get a taste of my poison tip, you’ll be dying for more.

19.My sword isn’t the only thing that I have that can penetrate your flesh.

20.I’m a master of hundreds of hand and finger techniques.

21.I was sent to kill you but how about a quick shag instead?

22.I just slipped some poison in your drink. The antidote? Yeah, it’s back at my place.

23.I believe it is my destiny to spend this evening with you.

24.Come with me or die!

25.Can I make this the most exciting night of your entire life? Shuriken.

Comic Book Pick-up Lines

Who says that reading comic books can’t be useful? Don’t let those chumps bring you down with things like reality. You can get a girl. Honest. Just try out some of these pick-up lines at your local comic convention or maybe you should go somewhere that actually has girls like a club or a bar. You’ll be moving out of your mom’s basement in no time.

50 Comic Book Pick-up Lines

50. Want to know why they call me Superman?
49. If you come back to my place, I’ll show you my Man-Thing.
48. Wham, bam, SHAZAM! Now can I have your number?
47. The ladies like to call me Mr. Fantastic. Care to find out why?
46. Hulk like puny human girls to write phone numbers in his puny black book.
45. Want to see my Uru hammer?
44. My heat vision must be malfunctioning because you’re smokin’.
43. Do you really want to know what I keep in my utility belt?
42. Want to see my rock hard Thing?
41. My mutant ability is known to make woman scream like Banshee.
40. Iron Fist. Nuff said.
39. My nickname is Goliath. Wanna know why?
38. Every Spider-man needs that special Spider-Woman if you know what I mean?
37. You make me feel strange. Someone call a doctor, please!
36. I’m a member of an exclusive secret society. Wanna be my Black Queen?
35. Your mutant ability must be to change your skin into mirrors cuz baby I can see myself in you.
34. Girls want to date Batman but every girl wants a Superman in bed.
33. Odin must have put a spell on me because I’ve reached Valhalla.
32. You’re as striking as a bolt of lightning cast from the hand of a goddess.
31. I’m like Boomerang, one time around and I’m back for more.
30. Don’t worry babe, it won’t be spider webs that I’ll shoot in your eye.
29. I have a pet dragon at home. Care to check it out?
28. I A.I.M. to please.
27. Have you ever had a real walking white Bone?
26. Let’s head over to my place and produce some of our own spawn.
25. Ulik, I lick, sounds like a great night!
24. I’m like the Absorbing Man, once I touch you I turn to stone.
23. You can call me Set. There may only be one snake but it’ll feel like seven to you.
22. Be a Ghost Rider and hop on my hog.
21. I have a Catwoman outfit at home. Will you come home with me and try it on? Please?
20. Who’s watching the Watcher? No one cuz I’ll be banging you.
19. I am a superhero and I’ll patrol your block all night long.
18. I used my pocket Cerebro and it pointed me right to you.
17. You most certainly won’t mistake me for the fastest man alive.
16. I’ll take you to the Maxx and I’ll show you my white Isz.
15. You must be the Human Torch because you’re on fire!
14. I should call you Polaris because we have one hell of an attraction.
13. Let me be your Puppet Master and I’ll pull all the right strings.
12. If I were Iceman, I couldn’t stand next to someone as hot as you.
11. I’m like the Leader because I think with my big head. It has big veins too!
10. If I were the Rhino, you could hang on to my large horn.
09. After I’m done with you, you’ll think that you spent the night with Multiple Man.
08. I’m no Captain Marvel but you’ll sure be yelling SHAZAM!
07. You can experiment on me just like the Weapon X program did on Wolverine.
06. I have to tell you a secret. I’m really a mutant they the ladies call the Sexecutioner.
05. You’ll need Damage Control after a night with me.
04. You’ll think that you’re in a comic book because being with me is like an Amazing Fantasy come true.
03. You’ll have to join the New Warriors because you’ll be bouncing around the room like Speedball.
02. Call me if you want to see what a real Wonder Man is like.
01. I’m the best at what I do and what I do is pretty woman like you.

Final Fantasy Pick-Up Lines

You’re on level 99. You have bought every item and maxed out your gil. You’ve even beaten that near-impossible optional boss. The only thing you haven’t done is have sex. But now you can put those 65 hours of gameplay to work and pick up an actual woman!

Final Fantasy Pick-Up Lines

1. Sit on my lap and watch me “level up.”
2. Let’s breed chocobos… the old-fashioned way!
3. I need experience points. Will you help?
4. Wanna to spin around on my Blitzballs?
5. Baby, you look beautiful and pure, just like Aeris. *sniff* Poor Aeris. She can’t be dead! She just can’t!!
6. Wanna take a sidequest… to the bedroom?
7. Baby, I’m gonna take you all around the world… in my flying airship. No doubt built by Cid. *shakes head in smiling bemusement* Oh, that Cid!
8. If you wanna get 100% completion, you gotta first get me to 100% completion!
9. Your daddy must’ve been a level 40 thief with special ninja gloves because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes.
10. You’re like a cutscene – beautiful at first but then you never shut up.
11. I like that dress on you… but I’d like it better if it could transform you into a songstress with the power to lull your enemies to sleep!
12. You must be an aeon, because you answered my call and dropped down from heaven. Plus you smell like Bahamut.

Straight Edge Pick-Up Lines

Alcohol and cigarettes are good for you socially. They loosen you up, allowing you to be more charming and sexy than you actually are. On one memorable night, I asked a stranger for a light, not so much because I wanted to smoke, but because I needed a conversation opener. One thing let to another, and now she is my wife.

Sadly, there is a youth subculture that refuses to drink, smoke, eat meat, ingest caffeine, or even do delicious mind-altering drugs, and they therefore have much trouble being smooth with the ladies. These kids used to be called Mormons. Today, they are known as “Straight Edgers.”

Since Straight Edgers have trouble socializing (some even abstain from sex itself!), I’ve come to the rescue with some prime lines that are sure to put the X in sXe.

Straight Edge Pick-Up Lines

1. You know what’s great about not having cigarette or beer breath? (kiss her)

2. Can I write X’s on your hands? (when she says yes, write down your phone number)

3. I’m glad I’m not drunk. Because I always want to remember this moment.

4. Looking at you is the only Ecstasy I need.

5. I’ve never dropped acid, but I feel like I’m hallucinating. Are you an angel?

6. You remind me of my mom, who I respect. I believe in having strong female role models.

7. You know, if we were drunk, we’d be too hungover tomorrow morning for breakfast.

8. Doesn’t being straightedge make you feel like a better person? Now let’s go kick some smoker’s ass!

9. I’m drunk on your beauty. Bitch, you broke my edge!

10. You’re preachy too?!!

11. If I believed in casual sex, I would totally do you up the butt. Good thing I respect women.

12. My body is a temple. Wanna sit on the pew?

13. Let’s go carve some X’s into people’s backs and then see where the night takes us.

14. I’m out of step with the world. Care to join me?

15. I’m so clean, I’d only snort laundry detergent off your ass!

16. Baby, you put the “old” in “old school.”

17. Do you like 7 Seconds? Cuz that’s how long I last.

18. There’s no Cause for Alarm. My penis is just a Minor Threat.

19. Judge me Bold, but I think you’re hot! It would be an Earth Crisis if you didn’t ride my Gorilla Biscuits! So let’s be like the Youth of Today and… you know what? These puns are funnier drunk.

And my favorite:

20. Wanna go out on a date? No? Come on, “think again!”

Insulting Pick-Up Lines

It is a scientific fact that pick-up lines are largely effective. Most women have no natural defense against the romantic artistry of a true pick-up-line-slinging master. But “most” is not “all.” There are some cold fish out there who don’t want to be flattered in creative and imaginative ways. They want to be challenged with words that are as aloof as they are poetic. And that is why I am sharing with you my foolproof Insulting Pick-Up Lines, guaranteed to crack even the coldest ice queen, leading you into the moist warmth of their cooch.

The 20 Best Insulting Pick-Up Lines

1. Hey baby, I like that dress, but I’d like it better if it were on a prettier girl.

2. I’m sorry, but I just had to come over here and tell you that you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen on a wookiee.

3. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because your pants are big enough to fit one.

4. I’m sorry, but have we met before? Are you Gary Busey?

5. Did it hurt when you fell from heaven… and landed on your face?

6. I think I’ve fallen in puppy love. Oh, I thought you were a dog, nevermind.

7. Are you Jamaican? Cuz Jamaican me vomit!

8. I feel drawn to you. It must be your incredible mass that creates such gravitational pull.

9. You’re just how I like my coffee – bitter and diarrhea inducing.

10. You are so sweet, it made your teeth rot.

11. Your daddy must’ve been a thief, cuz he stole your beauty and gave it to that girl over there.

12. Your daddy must’ve been a baker, cuz you’ve got some hot buns! Also, you smell like yeast.

13. Your daddy must’ve been a pirate, cuz he had some great booty. Too bad you’re a hideous sea monster.

14. Wanna sit on my lap and talk about the first thing that pops up? Like my bile?

15. (Grab her ass) Sorry, is this seat taken? Oh, sorry, I thought you were a hovercraft!

16. Were you in the Boy Scouts? Because you tied my heart in a knot. Also, you look like a boy.

17. There’s something wrong with my cell phone… it doesn’t have your number in it. No wait, here it is – 1-900-DIRTY-WHORE.

18. What’s a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this?

19. If I could rewrite the alphabet, I would P on U.

20. Fuck me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you extremely fugly?

Rush Pick-Up Lines

Rush is the greatest band on the planet. On the off chance (and by that, I mean extraordinarily rare, like 18-leaf clover rare) you meet a female Rush fan, any of these Rush fan pick-up lines should help your “Chemistry.”

1) Baby, you make me dizzier than Neil Peart’s spinning drumset.
2) I wanna be closer to your heart.
3) Isn’t the moog the most hauntingly beautiful of all instruments?
4) Sweetheart, I’d buy you anything in the world. But glittering prizes and endless compromises shatter the illusion of integrity.
5) Is that a cowbell tree in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
6) You think Test for Echo sucks too?!!
7) If we burn our wings, flying too close to the sun – then we should just go back to my place and screw.
8) Signal transmitted. Message received. *wink*
9) You’re more complex than a Rush time signature.
10) Oh, I WILL dine on honeydew and drink the milk of paradise!
11) Go out with me or Alex will spit blood in your face!
12) You know, the first three parts of the Gangster of Boats Trilogy can only be found in my pants..
13) You are the fawn-eyed girl with sun-browned legs that dances on the edge of my dream. What? Oh, nothing, Mom!
14) I like your jeans-and-blazer combo, but I’d like it better on my bedroom floor!
15) Hey, is that By-Tor over there? We gotta get outta here! Let’s hide at my place!
16) You know, there is no safe seat at the feast. But there is a stare at your barest breast.
17) We should do it soon cuz experience slips away… experience slips awaaay… the innocence sliiiips awaaaay…
18) Stick it out, don’t swallow the poison.
19) Baby, I wanna bang you like Neil’s tibetan gong.
20) Wanna hear me sing like Geddy? Then use teeth.
21) If I could wave my magic wand, I’d set your clothes free.
22) Can I leave a vapor trail… across your back?
23) I believe women should all be kept equal… through hatchet, axe, and saw.
24) (Any lyric from In The Mood or Need Some Love. These songs are from when Geddy was horny and before he discovered hobbits.)
25) Compensate me. Animate me. Complicate me. And please fellate me.
26) You know, my uncle has a country place that no one knows about….
27) Hi, I’m Alex Lifeson… Alex Lifeson, you know, the guitarist of Rush? *sigh* That’s right, the third guy in the band..
28) Wait a minute… you’re a girl… at a Rush show… does not compute… *head explodes*
29) Take off (your clothes), eh!
30) I call my penis “Tom Sawyer.” Enter the warrior.
31) Wanna roll the bones?
32) Do I have a ghost of a chance?

50 Ska & Punk Pick-up Lines

1) You might be old school, but baby, you still look high school.
2) Can I see all your piercings?
3) I see you have a dog collar. Will you be my bitch?
4) I like your plaid spandex pants, but I like myself in them better.
5) Can I rip more holes in your clothes?
6) Are your pubes spiked?
7) Smash the state, but baby, don’t smash my heart.
8) My hair isn’t the only thing standing straight up.
9) Capitalism stole my virginity. Can I steal yours?
10) You like piercings, huh? Well how about I pierce your anus with my cock?
11) You’re only a riot grrl cuz you haven’t experienced me yet.
12) Can I go dumpster diving on you… if ya know what I mean?
13) You’re a squatter? How bout you squat on my crotch?
14) Wanna find out why they call me crusty?
15) I’m straight-edge but I got drunk looking at you.
16) I love you from A to Zine.
17) I had sex with all the Donnas, even the fat one.
18) Are your pubes also purple?
19) You put the snatch in the Bodysnatchers.
20) The Specials? The only special thing here is you.
21) My mohawk isn’t the only thing that’s big and stiff.
22) I love the way you skank, you dirty skank.
23) My head isn’t the only thing completely shaved.
24) I like pork pies, so how about I pork your pie?

25) You’re emo too?! Let’s hold each other and sob.
26) Would you like to lick the vomit off the front of my shirt?
27) I may be nailed to the X, but I’d rather nail you.
28) I’m horny for ska. Get it? Cuz ska’s got horns? Y’know? Ah, let’s screw.
29) Do you like the band 7 Seconds? Cuz that’s how long I last, baby.
30) If you think I reek of sweat from skanking, you should smell me in bed.
31) Yes, I’m a skinhead author. I wrote The Oi! Of Sex.
32) Hi, I’m in the Slackers.
33) Wanna carve the anarchy symbol on each other?
34) You are SO working class. Now work that ass!
35) Aren’t Dr. Frank’s lyrics so romantic?
36) I put the X in sXe, baby!
37) I’m into hardcore… hardcore lesbian action, baby!
38) I won’t hurt you, baby. It’s so small, it’s been called a Minor Threat.
39) Don’t be Stubborn-Jump Up and show me your Moon.
40) You’re my Bouncing Soulmate.
41) Hey ho! Let’s go! No, I mean, you’re a ho so let’s go back to my place.
42) You only read Maximum Rocknroll for the ads too??
43) Nice Docs, wanna screw?
44) We should have sex. Joey Ramone would’ve wanted it that way.
45) Let’s go beat up some emo kids!
46) You’re anti-Fascist, too?!!
47) If I could rewrite the alphabet, I’d put N, O, F, and X together.
48) You know, there’s nothing more rebellious than anal sex.
49) Wanna see my Buzzcock?
50) Hi, my name is Adam. Would you like a copy of my zine, READ?
(This last one never works.)

From Issue #21