Record Label: Victory Records
Genre: Wussy Emo Rock
Band Link: link
Buy on Amazon.com link

I was previously listening to John Parr’s theme song to St. Elmo’s Fire, and I think it’s apt to use it as a basis of comparison. Parr’s song doesn’t sound a thing like the Junior Varsity, but I’d still much prefer to listen to it. With its cheesy synth breaks and the key change for the chorus, Man In Motion is one of those songs that you wish you could sing along with, if it wasn’t so high. And then later in the song it gets even higher. I mean, like what the fuck, John Parr? You’re not even famous? Who the fuck do you think you are to sing that high? I mean, I know it was the 80s and everybody was singing as high as possible, wishing they were Prince or whatever, but still, that song could totally rock if it was done less cheesily. And you know, I wondered for the longest time what St. Elmo’s Fire is. I always pictured a papal Elmo from Sesame Street becoming a pyromaniac, and he was all like “Elmo start fires” and then you’d tickle him to put them out. I mean, it made sense to me. But no, it’s some kind of luminous discharge, just a weather phenomenon. And it’s not even as cool as the Northern Lights. Mostly because the Northern Lights are Canadian, and John Parr isn’t. But he could be. He would definitely have been friends with Corey Hart. And maybe Bryan Adams. I think he’s British though, because I saw a clip of him and he was playing a guitar with the Union Jack on it. But then again, he could just be a Britophile. I don’t know if that’s the right word, but I’ll use it anyway.

Oh yeah, and the Junior Varsity are far suckier than John Parr ever was.

Bottom Line: The theme song to St. Elmo’s Fire is way better than these guys will ever be.
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