Scouring the TV landscape, we preview the new shows that the Fall Season has to offer. Thankfully, we have good taste so you don’t need to bother.
Every year, the networks roll out hope, promise, and optimism with their Fall TV premieres. By the late Fall, that turns into despair, anger, and reruns of ‘According to Jim.’ In order to help viewers manage their lives and DVRs, we have cut through the bullshit and are telling you where not to bother. We know a lot of people put a lot of hard work into these shows and we wish them the best as they look for new jobs in October.
A to Z
Airs: October 2nd, 9:30pm on ABC
A-Z is a TV series that gives you a look at young couple’s relationship from the beginning to the break-up. So since this will probably be canceled before Z, they should have just named this A to C?
Prediction: Canceled in 3 episodes
Airs:October 2nd, 9pm on NBC
Another legal comedy because nothing screams comedy than judges. How about bring back Night Court! America needs more Bull.
Prediction: Bad Judge is guilty of being unoriginal. Canceled after 5 episodes.
Airs: September 24th, 9:30pm on ABC
Why couldn’t they just call this show Black Modern Family?
Prediction: Either canceled after 1 episode or stays on the air for years and wins at the Emmys every damn year.
Airs: October 24th, 10pm on NBC
Constantine is based on the comic and the Keanu Reeves movie. Um, are they just greenlighting anything these days?
Prediction: Canceled after 1 episode.
Airs: October 7th, 8pm on CW
The latest comic book to get butchered in a teen soap opera format is Flash. They should have just re-aired the 1990 version with Hepcat’s Alex Dessert.
Prediction: Canceled in 1 episodes. Poof…and he’s gone!
Airs: September 23rd, 10pm on ABC
Ioan Gruffudd’s character is a doctor ends up dying over and over and comes back naked in water. His character might be immortal but nothing will cure that shrinkage factor.
Prediction: This show won’t last…forever. Canceled after 2 episode.
Airs: September 22nd, 8pm on FOX
Gotham tells the tale of a young James Gordon (played by Ben McKenzie) fighting against Batman’s most iconic villains like The Penguin, Catwoman and The Joker. Ya know, that’s what everybody loved about Batman…Commissioner Gordon.
Prediction: It will get canceled after 5 episodes since everybody was trying to find the show on the CW.
Airs: October 2nd, 9pm on FOX
Doctor Who’s David Tennant and Breaking Bad’s Anna Gunn team up to solve a boy’s murder. Spoiler Alert: Tennant’s character decides to make a phone call in a phone booth and ends up being a Tardis. It takes him back before the murder of the boy took place. Problem solved!
Prediction: Actually not canceled because it will only last 10 episodes.
How to Get Away With Murder
Airs: September 25th, 10pm on ABC
Based on the title, this could be about Oscar Pistorius, OJ or Casey Anthony. But it’s actually about a bunch of lawyers. Just what we need, another damn lawyer show. People realize these people are assholes right?
Prediction: Motion denied! Canceled after series premiere.
Airs: September 21st, 8pm on CBS
Tea Leoni plays an ex-CIA analyst who becomes a Secretary of State. We expect lots of dramatic pauses while looking out of a window. Also, look out for the Ambassador from France, he gets kind of hands-y.
Prediction: Canceled after 7 episodes since no one cares about real politics so why should they care about a fictional Secretary of State?
Manhattan Love Story
Airs: September 30th, 8:30pm on ABC
This is the one where Woody Allen dates his 17 year old stepdaughter, right?
Prediction: The show will prematurely ej…err be canceled after 4 episodes.
Airs: October 14th, 9pm on NBC
A comedy about a long-term engagement starring Ken Marino and Carey Wilson. So they made the movie 5-year engagement into a TV series then?
Prediction: The engagement will last longer than the series. Canceled after 9 episodes.
Airs: October 30th, 9:30pm on CBS
Look at us we’re from BAHSTAN! We’re gonna watch Celtics while we eat CHOWDAH then PAHK our CAHS down by the YAHD! Expect lots of laugh tracks since no one at home will be laughing.
Prediction: This show is wicked canceled after the first episode.
Airs: October 5th, 9:30pm on FOX
John Mulaney, the guy who wrote all of Bill Hader’s jokes on SNL and the same guy who couldn’t cut it as a cast member gets his own show. This just screams winner!
Prediction: Season will play until the end since there’s no comedies on Fox. Then it will get canceled.
The Mysteries of Laura
Airs: September 17th, 8pm on NBC
The real mystery is how NBC gave Debra Messing another show. Did we see ‘Smash’? Is the real mystery about the show is whether the ‘scarf’ did it? Wow, just went super deep with ‘Smash’ inside jokes.
Prediction: Canceled after 2 episodes.
NCIS: New Orleans
Airs: September 23rd, 9pm on CBS
This NCIS show is different I tell ya! It’s got um…different actors, ummm different storylines? Hey, it’s also set in New Orleans! One thing is for certain, Scott Bakula desperately needs a paycheck.
Prediction: Canceled after the season premiere when people FINALLY release they don’t need 5 different versions of the same damn show!
Red Band Society
Airs: September 17th, 9pm on FOX
Red Band Society is about a group of teenagers living in a hospital ward. I guess one good thing about this show is you don’t have to get worried about being sick of a character. They will just die off in the next episode anyway.
Prediction: Ratings in the first week were Code Blue. The show’s life support will be pulled. Canceled after 4 episodes.
Airs: September 22nd, 9pm on CBS
<Nothing> says cool to the </octogenarian> set that watches <CBS> shows like coding
Prediction: <canceled> after  episodes. <reboot system>
Airs: September 30th, 8pm on ABC
If Hipster internet geek douchebags had a show, it would probably be this one. Does this show take place at an Apple Store?
Prediction: Canceled after 1 episode just for the stupid name. #canceled
Airs: October 1st, 10pm on CBS
Stalker stars Maggie Q and Dylan McDermott as LA detectives trying to solve stalking cases. Come on, these cases are easy, just look for the guy in the tree with a hoody and binoculars….it’s probably George McFly.
Prediction: Canceled right before the finale because people will realize they just don’t care anymore.
State of Affairs
Airs: November 17th, 10pm on NBC
Katherine Heigl stars as CIA analyst Charleston Tucker. She is tasked with assembling and presenting the President’s Daily Briefing on security issues. The President decides to fire her because she’s a bitch. She then sues the president, NBC, good taste, manners, Twitter, and Duane Reade (again).
Prediction: Show canceled after the 1st episode.