The El Conquistadors

Interviews | Feb 24th, 2005

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What’s your name and what do you do?
Will: I’m Will and I spend most of my time wallowing in a pool of self-hatred.

Dingo: I’m Dingo and I’m working on completely destroying will’s sense of self-worth. We’re soul-mates, you might say.

Can you give me some history about The El Conquistadors? Wasn’t the band originally called Skabba The Hut?
Will: That’s pretty much it. You only forgot about the part when I assassinated Al Gore.

Dingo: We also invented the Straight Line which did wonderful things for Kansas’ horizon. If you really want to know anything else, it’s at our website

Didn’t you guys get sued by George Lucas and had to change the name Skabba The Hut to The El Conquistadors ? Or is that just a rumor?
Will: Yeah, but we counter-sued him for being the flaming incompetent botard that he is.

Dingo: And that lawsuit we won, supposedly…But, our legal team tells us they’re investigating the return of Jar Jar Binks and it doesn’t look good. Fortunately, Clarence Thomas is a big “Empire…” fan.

The El Conquistadors were a house band for the show Premium Blend On Comedy Central? How did you guys get that gig? Also, Did you have any favorite comedians that performed on Premium Blend when you guys played?
Will: I don’t know how we got on Premium Blend, to be honest. Although the show did allow me to correlate the talent of a comedienne with the quality of her ass, since we were positioned behind every performer and had to act like we were interested. Funny = sweet ass. Not funny = frumpy ass. Sadly, this has no application in the real world, as you can only see women’s faces when you’re in the audience. And I could give a damn about those.

Dingo: I think we got that gig simply by being an ass-kicking rock band. You kick enough ass, kid, and people start to let you do whatever you want.

How would you describe your music?
Will: As calmly and politely as possible.

Dingo: …and in a way that won’t offend it’s sensibilities. It seems to prefer “A Weezer That Punched You In The Balls and Fucked Yer Sister,” and who am I to argue with that? I just play guitar and take my shirt off.

Which band(s) or music artist(s) should throw in the towel?
Will: Us.

Dingo: Any group labeled as Rap Metal…And if that Vic Damone releases another 78, there’s gonna be some hell to pay.

What’s the greatest movie of all time? Why?
Will: Citizen Kane, what, did you never take a film class?

Dingo: Ishtar. Without a doubt.

What’s Next For The El Conquistadors?
Will: I plan on answering another bunch of interviews with rude and only sort of funny replies.

Dingo: World-domination, action figures, an animated series and our own line of marital aides.

How did you get into adult Japanese animation voice acting?
Ah, well…Nutech is the company that I’m working with, and they have had anime, and they had action, and when they started up their Adult, it’s genius, and automatically you would assume to put a porn star with the voice of an anime adult content, because my fan base will automatically buy your content because it’s got my voice on it, and the Anime fans will buy it just because it’s anime, so you actually widen your horizons of buyers…