Um, who are you again?
We are “The Network”, a pop-rock female fronted band originally from Syracuse,NY, but just relocated to the beautiful Jersey City,NJ.

Who else is in the band? Give me some history about your band homeslice.
Currently we are Brock (on bass), Jess P (vocals) and temporarily Joel-from The Budgets-on drums) and Mike (“Milo”) (from Pete’s Dark Moment on guitar). So if anyone in the NYC/Jersey City area is interested in “playing” with us, get ahold of us: [email protected]! You automatically get an audition if you’re willing to take one for the team…and be willing to tour tour tour. The tour we did recently with The Budgets from Buffalo NY was the time of our lives. 13 shows in 15 days, a lot of partying, and playing with a lot of awesome bands.

What kind of crap do you play?
We play mostly pop-rock with a bit of punk. It would probably be a bit heavier, but the female vocals give it quite the “poppy” sound. But it’s all pretty catchy. As of right now, Brock is writing all of the music and Jess is writing the vocals. We’re looking for a guitarist who can write as well-so hit us up! We’ve recorded a 3 song demo so far, you can check it out at www.snurl.com/thenetwork.

Who’s gonna die first: Pauly Shore, Courtney Love, or Robert Downey Jr.?
Jess P: I say Robert Downey Jr.- because I’d like to see Pauly Shore in spandex at 60.

Brock: Robert Downy Jr. definitely. He knows how to have a good time, just a little too well. Almost as well as me.

If you lived in California, which person would you vote for: Gary Coleman or Arnold Schwarzenegger? Why?
Jess P: Arnold of course!-he beat the predator!

Brock: And, he was the Kindergarten cop…cracker. Gary Coleman??? The kid that played Webster shoulda ran, he definitely woulda had my vote…or Red Foxx from Sanford and Son.

Would you cut your balls off if it meant furthering your career? If not, What about just one?
Jess P: Well, sure! (easy for me to say) I guess I don’t have them-sooooo that’s means I’d have to cut off someone else’s-like for example Brock’s-in that case-both of them-IN A HEARTBEAT

Brock: Lets see….balls or music career getting paid doing what I love? Definitely choice two, I love this band and would do anything for it, except for takin one up the arse…haha.

Jess P: ha whatever dude-we all know that that’s a lie…

Brock: but we all know you love playing the rusty trombone…extra rusty.

What’s your favorite Olsen Twins’ song?
Jess P: As sad as it is-i do know several Olsen Twins’ songs. Therefore I’d have to say it would have to be “Gimme Pizza.” It’s a sleepover episode where the twins and their friends create this pizza tower and add in fish and ice cream and all of this disgusting shit. I’ve seen it about 1000 times. “P-I-Z-Z-A I WANT PIZZA! ” Give me a break, I have an 11 year old sister! And you all know that those twins are getting hot!

Brock: I’m so glad she could answer this, cuz I just wanna nevermind…

Got any good Yo Mama jokes?
Jess P: Hmm…yo mama jokes-nope,none. But I do know an awesome joke that my friend Chuck told me once. What is the hardest thing about rollerblading? …telling your parents that you’re gay….. guess you had to be there. But I am a big fan of fart jokes!

Can you guys cover Aqua’s “Barbie Girl?”
Jess P: Barbie Girl?! I’d rather put my nipples in a mouse trap

Brock: I think we’d all enjoy that show?

What’s the funniest word you ever heard?
Jess P: slampig

Brock: skida-merinky-dinky-dink The Elephant Show, wow that was horrible.

[James Lipton Impression] If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive?
Jess P: “Jessica, so good to see you! My your breasts look huge! Let me show you to your room stocked with oatmeal cream pies, soda, and grilled cheese. We made sure that your TV is playing Wayne’s World and Conan 24 hours a day.”

Brock: Good day Mr. Napoli, we’ve been expecting your arrival. Here’s your complimentary macaroni and cheese, potatochip cheese and mustard sandwich,the new Rancid, 4 virgins, and a lb of reefer.

Plug something.
Jess P: FACT: Brock and I like to do aerobics in front of his bedroom window while jumping on the bed for all of our neighbors to see….only brock does it sans the clothing. Also give some love to these bands: The Twirpentines(PA), Wide Of The Mark(buffalo NY), The AKAs(NYC), Plan 607(Syracuse), The Audios(Syracuse NY), Straighter Than Pete(Cuse’), Anything But Pleased(cuse’)

Brock: FACT: Jess doesn’t wash her hair for a month at a time, when it feels like the asshole of the earth. She loves having mac and cheese parties, touching Labrador red rockets, and being my bestest friend….cracker asses.