Sparks The Rescue “The Secrets We Can’t Keep EP”

Album Reviews | Jun 16th, 2007

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Record Label: Double Blind Music
Genre: Emo
Band Link: link
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I’m pretty sure the new trend in punk and emo band names goes something like this: verb (usually active), the word ‘the’, noun (usually something abstract). Let’s see what we have: Saves The Day, Protest The Hero, Bless The Fall, Know The Score, Poison The Well, Reach The Sky, and of course Sparks The Rescue.

Now I could write a review about how these guys, as well as just about every abovementioned band suck, but I realized that Adam Coozer has already tore this horrid turd up (see So instead, I’m going to create the top ten mythical really bad emo bands.

10. Engulf the Darkness (screamo with satanic and metalcore influences)
9. Betroth the Betrothen (Christian emo)
8. Plug the Holes (sissy punk with emo tendencies)
7. Seeks the Aslyum (schizophrenic emo)
6. Gets the Girl (ie what an emo musician never does. Zing!)
5. Eats the Apple (emo songs about produce)
4. Dance the Batusi (Batman-influenced emo-dancepunk)
3. Hurts the Soul (awww….this emo band is sad)
2. Embraces the Quiet (silent emo….the best kind)
1. Shock the Monkey (even an emo band with a name like this would still be awesome)

Bottom Line: Total the Crap.
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