DVD Reviews | Jan 29th, 2006
Starring Costas Mandylor, Bruce Weitz, Charles Napier, Jane Longenecker, Matt Borlenghi and Joanna Pacula
Written By: Dan Acre, Frances Doel, John Huckert
Directed By: Kevin O’Neill
Studio: Disney/ Buena Vista
Buy on Amazon.com link
Things that Dinocroc has: Roger Corman, crocodiles that grow to prehistoric size in a short lengths of time, lots of “creature violence” and gore. Things that Dinocroc doesn’t have: much of a story, a ridiculous plot, a few terrible actors, and sub-par special effects. Think one notch above a Sci Fi Channel movie like Boa vs. Python. A tiny notch above. Usually I don’t mind cheesy sci-fi/horror movies, and there were some things that I liked about Dinocroc, but in general, it was mostly laughable.
The Dinocroc is a product of a genetic research lab that somehow got their tweezers on the remains of a recently discovered prehistoric crocodile of enormous size. The research lab, the Gereco Corporation, plans to use the (DNA?) from the remains to accelerate the growth of animals such as cows in order to mass-produce dairy products. Gereco then proceeds to experiment on crocodiles, injecting them with an accelerated growth serum. The serum is flawed and the crocs only survive about a week, but progress is made every time a new batch of serum is formulated. One of these crocs manages to escape Gereco and makes its way into the preserve owned by Gereco. The animal continues to grow at an alarming rate…thus creating the DINOCROC!!!
First of all, the entire opening sequence was very hard to follow and there were a lot of things that were ridiculous and didn’t make much sense. How was Gereco able to extract DNA in order to create this growth serum? If this corporation intended to use this serum on cows, why are they experimenting on crocodiles? Wouldn’t it be cheaper and a hell of a lot easier to obtain a cow then to bring in crocodiles from wherever they got them from? And get this…the little Dinocroc escapes after one of the scientists notice that the croc had killed and eaten another croc in its pen. So what does this dumb scientist do? She goes INTO THE PEN WITH A TASER? Why? You just saw that it ate the other croc? What reason is there to go into the pen? And what is the taser going to do? Anyway, the Dinocroc eviscerates the idiot and escapes. And I thought that scientists were supposed to be smart. If I had two fish and one fish ate the other, I’m not sticking my finger in the fishbowl. But that’s just me and I ain’t no scientist. Anywho, this trend of idiotic characters and gaping plot holes continues throughout the movie. I find myself rooting for the Dinocroc most of the time. I want everyone to be eaten except for the hot dog catcher chick played by Jane Longenecker. She’s more than just croc food. She’s without a doubt the best actor in this movie. Back to the plot and I’ll be brief…the Dinocroc goes on a feeding frenzy and manages to escape into the lake outside of the preserve. The entire redneck police force along with a croc specialist, the hot dog catcher (haha get it), and her always drunk looking friend and love interest Tom who also tried to get in her pants when she was 15 combine forces in order to bring down the evil killer dinocroc. All he wants to do is eat, fellas! Give him a break. With some gratifying animal gore and violence, the poor dinocroc is felled by an oncoming train followed by a railroad spike through the eye. But guess what? There are more dinocrocs out there and a sequel looms on the horizon. Again, most of the movie was hard to follow along with and a lot of the characters were complete idiots at times and I felt they deserved to be devoured by the Dinocroc.
I know you’re sitting there wondering about some of the idiotic things that occurred over the course of the film. Well here is a prime example of people that deserved to be croc food. Here you have Tom and his twelve-year-old brother who share a great brother-to-brother bond. Their parents somehow died recently (not explained…maybe an earlier Dinocroc ate them too!) and Tom moved back into town to take care of his brother. Well little Jake seems to just wander around doing whatever until its time for bed while his brother stays outside in the barn and welds. He’s a welding artist I guess. I have no idea where Tom gets money to eat and buy welding supplies though. Jake’s dog Lucky disappears and Jake roams around looking for him. Two days later, Tom says that he’ll help Jake find Lucky tomorrow. Lucky had to be missing for a good 4-5 days but I’m glad that Tom will help Jake find him on the sixth day. What a great brother! Even better, the next morning the dogcatcher who was an old girlfriend comes by and the two go out on their own to look for Lucky. So where’s Jake at when they leave? Who knows…he’s twelve, he can take care of himself. Tom and Diane (cute little dog catcher) find Lucky but can’t catch him. They make it back home in the evening and decide to do the nasty. Tom checks on Jake who looks to be sleeping but is faking. He must want to catch a peek. I would also like to point out that they are going to do the nasty in the living room right outside of Jake’s half open doorway. Big brother Tom blurts out that they’ll get Lucky tomorrow at the preserve. Instead of waiting until daytime with sunlight and all, Jake decides to sneak out and go to the preserve at night to look for his black dog. Big bro continues to nastily do the nasty into the wee hours of the night. Meanwhile, little Jake looks for Lucky at the preserve but encounters the Dinocroc instead. Little kids always survive this kind of thing in horror movies right? They’re a lot smarter and more athletic than adults right? Well Jake decides that he’ll escape from the dinocroc that just came out of the water by running to a wooden boathouse of some sort OUT ON THE WATER. In probably the best part of this movie, the dinocroc busts through the floor and eats the stupid kid whole, leaving his severed head flipping in the air. When morning comes, idiot bro and dogcatcher chick go to look for the dog again with the help of the croc specialist and a scientist from Gereco. Did I mention that Tom doesn’t notice that his brother is missing? What a great brother. It’s not until a day or two later that Tom finds out that his brother was turned in to croc poo. The kid was missing for about 4 days before his brother even knew he was gone. Classic! The Banning family apparently comes from a long line of idiots and it shows considering most of them are dead. The sad part is that Tom survives…and gets the girl.
There really wasn’t much going for Dinocroc. The Dinocroc itself looks half decent if its standing still, but the effects weren’t very special. You could tell that the Dinocroc was just dropped in with very little attempt made to try and blend him into the movie. The coloration was bland and you could tell that every time the croc was eating someone, that the entire scene was computer generated. Old school stop motion animation from the 30’s looked better than the Dinocroc scenes. I’m not saying that the dinocroc wasn’t a cool concept, just that most scenes with it were terrible. It also appeared that the actors had no idea what they were supposed to be interacting with or where the thing was. The dinocroc would be towering over them and they would be looking straight ahead or off to the side. Really, the best things about the movie were the death scenes. Most of the people that you learned to hate throughout the film got what they deserved (except for Tom) and suffered a gruesome end at the jaws of the Dinocroc. I’m glad that there are more dinocrocs out there to eliminate the idiots of the world.
ENGLISH: Dolby Digital Stereo
Widescreen 1.78:1 Color (Anamorphic)
Favorite Scenes: All of the death scenes. Cool scenes for a low budget flick.
Running Time: 85 minutes