Starring Ted Vernon, Michael David Simms, Richard Vidan, Kristina Sanborn, Victoria Christian
Written By: Richard Jefferies
Directed By: William Wesley
Buy on Amazon.com link
Last night I came home from another dull day at the rat races thinking to myself, “Self, what you need right now is some good awful-horror-movie fun.” Luckily I got some review DVDs from ReadJunk’s benevolent overlord that very same day, and among them was a little flick called Scarecrows. I’d never heard of it before, but the box says it’s an “unforgettable horror cult classic”, and who am I to argue with a DVD box? Also, it has one of the best taglines ever: “They only want a brain… yours.” See? It’s so rockin’ that they didn’t even bother to end it with an exclamation point like you’d expect.
The story involves some sort of, uh, rogue military squad, or something. I’m not sure if they were supposed to be ex-military or if they were just some random guys who robbed the military, but either way, picture an eviler and dumber version of the A-Team. Only instead of Mr. T they have a guy that plays the harmonica. So they’ve robbed the military (I think) and stolen a plane, kidnapping the pilot and his daughter, when one of the dumb, evil possibly-rogue-military guys takes the money and jumps, but not before tossing out a grenade… you know, one of those grenades that takes about five minutes to explode while people dramatically fumble around for it.
And guess where they all land? In a field full of scarecrows. And not just any scarecrows, mind you. These are EVIL scarecrows!!! *da da duuummm*
This movie is awful. But unlike so many of the bad horror movies I’ve watched lately, it’s actually awful in a good way. It’s a riot. Heck, it’d probably be great for a drinking game, too take a drink every time there’s a completely pointless 30-second extreme-closeup of a non-moving scarecrow’s face. Or every time somebody says something remarkably stupid, such as “This place is haunted by demonic demons!” (Trust me, you’ll be plastered by the halfway point).
So as far as I can tell, there was this farmhouse with three guys living in it three guys who were into EVIL VOODOO WITCHCRAFT STUFF. And apparently they, uh, possessed three of the scarecrows. For some reason. And now they like to hunt people down and steal their body parts. Or kill them, stuff their bodies with straw and money, resurrect them from the dead, and send them back to taunt the other people who haven’t been killed yet. Oh yeah, and apparently they’re totally psychic, too.
The humans are also a strange lot. There’s the pilot and his daughter, who are apparently there only to be a non-evil presence. The evil possibly-ex-military people are all either of the secretly-has-a-heart-of-gold variety, or the secretly-totally-nutso variety. Hooray for stereotypes!
The movie is by turns goofy and sadistic, and has an amusingly demented ending. All in all, it’s great for some of that aforementioned awful-horror-movie goodness. And really, what more could you want than an evening of evil limb-stealing scarecrow monsters?
On a technical note, this DVD has a great-looking transfer for an obscure late-80s horror flick. Hooray!
Uh… scene selections?
English Dolby Surround
French Dolby Surround
Favorite Scenes: The parts with the evil scarecrows rocked pretty hard.
Running Time: 83 minutes