Snap Judgments & Predictions Of The 91st Academy Awards

Articles | Feb 20th, 2019

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Before you watch the clusterfucked, non-hosting Oscars this Sunday February 24th 2019, …Adam and I give our predictions and snap judgments of the movies nominated. Granted, we haven’t seen or heard of some of these movies… If you want to win your office Oscar pools, probably not a good idea to go by us.

Plus, there may be a minor spoilers here and there so…there’s your warning.

Best Picture

Black Panther
Bohemian Rhapsody
The Favourite
Green Book
A Star is Born

Adam: While these are all fine films, I assume, only Roma was about the founder of the Onion Loaf ™, Tony Roma. God bless you, Tony Roma, and your giant brick of crispy fried goodness.
Bryan: Netflix should remake A Star Is Born in a few years for a 6th time and have the audience decide what happens with the “Jack” character at the end of it. Maybe he gets shot by drug dealers or falls off the stage at Glastonbury?

Best Actor

Christian Bale, Vice
Bradley Cooper, A Star is Born
Willem Dafoe, At Eternity’s Gate
Rami Malek, Bohemian Rhapsody
Viggo Mortensen, Green Book

Adam: Just give Willem Dafoe the award. The poor guy looks like Jim Carrey got beaten with Rudy Giuliani’s ugly stick.
Bryan: Rami Malek’s fake teeth were snubbed!

Best Actress

Glenn Close, The Wife
Yalitza Aparicio, Roma
Olivia Colman, The Favourite
Lady Gaga, A Star Is Born
Melissa McCarthy, Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Adam: Yalitza Aparicio was incredible as the long-suffering wife of the Onion Loaf.
Bryan: At least when The Rock started acting, he switched to his real name to Dwayne Johnson. Ball is in your court, Lady Gaga!

Best Supporting Actor

Mahershala Ali, Green Book
Adam Driver, BlackKklansman
Sam Elliott, A Star Is Born
Richard E. Grant, Can You Ever Forgive Me
Sam Rockwell, Vice

Adam: How exactly did Adam Driver get on this list?
Bryan: Doesn’t Sam Elliott play the same character in every movie? Sometimes with or without a mustache? So basically he’s Sam Elliott playing Sam Elliott.

Best Supporting Actress

Amy Adams, Vice
Marina De Tavira, Roma
Regina King, If Beale Street Could Talk
Emma Stone, The Favourite
Rachel Weisz, The Favourite

Adam: Marina De Tavira was a revelation as the Onion Loaf’s dipping sauce.
Bryan: I feel like buying a shitload of markers and crossing out the u in posters for The Favourite.

Best Director

Spike Lee, BlacKkKlansman
Pawel Pawlikowski, Cold War
Yorgos Lanthimos, The Favourite
Alfonso Cuaron, Roma
Adam McKay, Vice

Adam: Spike Lee for 25th Hour
Bryan: What do you mean Bryan Singer wasn’t nominated for Bohemian Rhapsody? He was so punctual on set and never argued with the cast and crew! Plus, he’s had such positive articles written about his personal life too that I’m sure everyone at the Oscars will want to talk about it on the red carpet.

Best Adapted Screenplay

Ballad of Buster Scruggs
Can You Ever Forgive Me?
If Beale Street Could Talk
A Star is Born

Adam: Ballad of an Onion Loaf
Bryan: I have no jokes for this one so I’ll just say I’m rooting for BlackKklansman because that was a great movie out of this batch.

Best Original Screenplay

The Favourite
First Reformed
Green Book

Adam: Avengers: Infinity Loaf
Bryan: I think Adam really wants some bread. His attempt at bread puns is pita-ful.

Best Cinematography

Cold War
The Favourite
Never Look Away
A Star Is Born

Adam: Is it just me, or does “Favourite” look weird with the “u”? Kind of looks like “Flouride.”
Bryan: Whatever movie is black & white will win.

Best Animated Feature

Incredibles 2
Isle of Dogs
Ralph Breaks the Internet
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Adam: Spidey-Verse was legitimately great. But it wasn’t Pixar, so see-ya.
Bryan: Spider-Verse’s animation was too comic book-y.

Best Costume Design

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs
Black Panther
The Favourite
Mary Poppins Returns
Mary Queen of Scots

Adam: As someone who only watches films for the costumes, I have to give this to Mary Queen of Poppins.
Bryan: It didn’t take much to dress up Tom Waits as a Prospector for The Ballad of Buster Scruggs.

Best Editing

Bohemian Rhapsody
The Favourite
Green Book

Adam: Bohemian Rhapsody should win this for editing a fascinating band’s lengthy career as a cheesy highlights reel.
Bryan: Not sure how Bohemian Rhapsody can win this when the movie skipped around like someone was sitting on the skip forward button on the remote.

Best Production Design

Black Panther
The Favourite
First Man
Mary Poppins Returns

Adam: I’m just a small-town production design amateur hobbyist who perhaps should not deign to judge the production design of fancy Tinseltown, but, in my humble opinion, Black Panther had both production and design, I would imagine.
Bryan: The most Britishy movie always wins this, so congrats The Favourite!

Best Sound Editing

Black Panther
Bohemian Rhapsody
First Man
A Quiet Place

Adam: A Quiet Place??? The movie without sound?? Are you fucking kidding me??
Bryan: The Academy will probably give Black Panther this award so the comic horde doesn’t riot.

Best Sound Mixing

Black Panther
Bohemian Rhapsody
First Man
A Star Is Born

Adam: Actually, going back to production design, why did Wakanda have futuristic skyscrapers with huts sticking out of them? I’m kind of offended by that.
Bryan: Here’s an idea to make The Academy Awards shorter, merge these two categories together already because it’s rare for two different movies to win both Editing and Mixing.

Documentary Feature

Free Solo
Hale County This Morning, This Evening
Minding the Gap
Of Fathers and Sons

Adam: The one about Rude Boy George. You know – Minding the Gap.
Bryan: I know that Solo: A Star Wars Story wasn’t the best movie but I don’t think you needed to jail the actor and make a documentary about it.

Documentary Short Subject

Black Sheep
End Game
A Night at the Garden
Period. End of Sentence.

Adam: I heard Period is a period piece. About menstruation.
Bryan: There’s a short documentary about Avengers: End Game already?

Foreign Language Film

Never Look Away, Germany
Shoplifters, Japan
Capernaum, Lebanon
Roma, Mexico
Cold War, Poland

Adam: Onion Loafs are from Mexico? Tear down that wall, Mr. Trump!!
Bryan: Roma will probably win every award including this obvious one.

Makeup and Hairstyling

Mary Queen of Scots

Adam: Vice for making Dick Cheney look like a human.
Bryan: Christian Bale gained all that weight to play Dick Cheney. What makeup was needed? Gray dye for his hair?

Music (Original Score)

Black Panther
If Beale Street Could Talk
Isle of Dogs
Mary Poppins Returns

Adam: As someone who only watches movies to hear the faint music in the background, this has to go to… (insert your favorite one here)
Bryan: I honestly don’t think any of these scores are that memorable so I’m sure Desplat will win for Isle of Dogs since he wins every year.

Music (Original Song)

“When A Cowboy Trades His Spurs For Wings” from The Ballad of Buster Scruggs
“All The Stars” from Black Panther
“The Place Where Lost Things Go” from Mary Poppins Returns
“I’ll Fight” from RBG
“Shallow” from A Star Is Born

Adam: The guy who wrote Shallow was once in JC Superska. True story!
Bryan: Sam Elliott should sue Bradley Cooper for stealing his voice.

Animated Short Film

Animal Behaviour
Late Afternoon
One Small Step

Adam: As someone who only watches animated short films for their Chinese pork buns, this one has to go to One Small Step. A delightful movie about a Chinese pork bun that learns to walk.
Bryan: Bao teaches us that your Mother wants to eat you alive.

Live Action Short Film


Adam: These all sound creepy.
Bryan: In order to have a short film nominated for an Oscar, the criteria is the movie needs to be one word.

Visual Effects

Avengers: Infinity War
Christopher Robin
First Man
Ready Player One
Solo: A Star Wars Story

Adam: Ready Player One was packed with so many wonderful childhood cultural references and yet felt so hollow and unsatisfying that I question the objective awesomeness of the 80s. So this one goes to First Man, the biopic about the brave first person to eat an Onion Loaf.
Bryan: Avengers: Infinity Loaf..errrr War! Dammit Adam! That should win something because the effects for that were amazing!


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