Advice from Terror!

Advice Columns | By on Dec 17th, 2006


Dear Terror,
I work with six year olds. what is the best way to scare the shit out of them?
Sincerely, A Right Bastard.

Tell them how difficult life is, how hard money is to come by, how quickly friends leave, how diseases will creep up on us all and slowly drain and kill us, or just that Santa Claus isn’t real. You could also possibly play them some Terror.

Dear Mr Terror,
I’m a grown man (somewhat) and I still can’t use the bathroom without having to open the shower curtain. I was scared as a child from too many scary movies and always think someone is standing in there. What do you recommend I do to break this stupid habit?
Yours Truly, One Giant Pussy

I don’t even know what this means. Is this just for shitting or for pissing as well? I would just get rid of the curtain and get a glass shower door. Therefore you could see whether a zombie or your weird ex-girlfriend were in there waiting to kill you while you were shitting.

Dear Terror,
I absolutely hate my family. How am I going to survive the holidays with them?
Thanks, Dreading Dreidls

Everyone struggles with family around holiday time. Just show up with a good attitude. At the very least, you’ll get a warm meal out of the visit.

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