Sony Music Australia artist Kate Miller-Heidke is currently on tour in the US with Ben Folds, and her album Curiouser has gone Platinum in Australia. If you miss her with Ben Folds, she’ll be back touring the States soon, including prominent appearances at SXSW and Coachella. We sat down with her to ask the important questions on everyone’s minds.

What would you do today if you knew tomorrow meant the end of humanity?
I would attempt to summon some kind of a demon using one of Aleister Crowley’s Magick books and ask this demon for the transformative power to turn myself into a sloth. That is if the sloths were going to be spared in the extinction of humanity.

Either that or try and coordinate a big party with my family and friends. Of course, this would be nearly impossible, as everyone else would be trying to do the same thing and you would be forced to make all sorts of difficult choices – like picking which side of the family to have Christmas day with but times one thousand. So maybe I’d just stay home and eat chocolate until my stomach ruptured.

What is the Kate Miller-Heidke foolproof method for curing hiccups? Removing red wine stains? Making your own brine?
Hiccups: breath out until your lungs are empty. Hold for as long as you can until you see dots. After you see dots put a plastic bag over your head. Hyperventilate until you see dots. If you still have hiccups go fuck yourself. Literally. It will distract you.

Red wine: I find vomiting all over yourself, while not specifically removing the stain will draw attention away from it. Try to drink something that is not red wine, as it will just look like a bigger red wine stain. I personally like to use creme de menthe.

Making Brine: Find a friend with a small child. Feed the child lots of sugary dairy products as these tend to cause small childrens’ noses to run. Catch the mucus in a tray. That’s disgusting. Your questions are sick. Who are you sick people?

Tell me about your last visit to the dentist.
As my dentist stood over me his head was upside down. I noticed his moustache looked like a monobrow above a strange mouth. The mouth started talking about the exchange rate. Apparently the guy with the strange mouth and the monobrow had some investments that were suffering because of the greenback being weak.

Please explain the difference between a squash and a gourd using rhyming couplets.
While a squash and a gourd share a similar shape
One’s end is closed and the other agape
One is a vegetable in its natural state
The other a vessel and could never be ate

What is the one possession you would never, ever toss or give away?
My dignity. Although having completed these questions I may be wrong about that….

Visit Kate at http://www.katemiller-heidke.com for news, tour dates, media clips, and brine recipes.

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