Arnold Schwarzenegger Fake Interview

Articles | Jan 1st, 2004

Hi Arnold.

Hi little girl. (Jingle All The Way)

Uh.. hi. Shall we begin?

Who the fuck are you? (End Of Days)

I’m the interviewer. Remember? Your publicist set this up?

I don’t remember you. I don’t remember us. I don’t even remember me. (Total Recall)

Well, your publicist set this up. Maybe you don’t remember, but…

Nice night for a walk. (Terminator)


Great day, huh? (Kindergarten Cop)

Yes, it’s pleasant. Anyway, I wanted to ask you some questions about your career.

First, I’d like to just get to know you. (Kindergarten Cop)

Okay, shoot.

Now I’m going to ask you a bunch of questions, and I want them answered immediately. (Kindergarten Cop)

Umm.. how about I do the asking? How did you first get involved in acting?

Yes, I was in a movie…It was called, the girl of my dreams… it starred you. Matter of fact, we have this really romantic scene together. (Last Action Hero)

Haha, but seriously, what got you into acting? What was your life’s mission at that point?

My mission is to protect you. (Terminator 2)

I don’t need protecting.

You’re alive, and I’ll keep you that way. (Eraser)

And what makes you think you can protect me, even if I needed it?

Hey, I’m a police officer. (Kindergarten Cop)

What, you’re an actor AND a police officer? And I hear you also want to be a politician. A bit of a social chameleon are we?

What can I say? I’m a spy. (True Lies)

You wear a lot of hats, apparently. But who is the real you?

My name is Julius and I’m your twin brother. (Twins)

Haha, I doubt that. I look nothing like you!

Ya know, you’re the best celebrity look alike I’ve ever seen. (Last Action Hero)

First you want to protect me, now you want to charm me. Are you hitting on me?

Come on baby, you know you’re the girl of my dreams. (Total Recall)

Sorry, Arnold. I have a boyfriend. You’re on your own.

What would I do without you? (Jingle All The Way)

Thanks but no thanks.

Your clothes…give them to me. (Terminator)

Say what?

It’s me that you want! (Commando)

You wish! You don’t own me.

Well I got news for you. You’re mine now! You Belong to ME! (Kindergarten Cop)

I hope you’re joking…

I’m going to be around you a lot. Days, nights, weekends, holidays. (Kindergarten Cop)

Who the fuck do you think you are?

My name is Freeze. Learn it well, for it’s the chilling sound of your doom. (Batman & Robin)

Oh, so because I don’t want your crotch, you have to be threatening?

Stop being such a pussy. (End Of Days)

You know, you’re just like a little child. When you can’t get what you want, you get angry.

Blow me. (True Lies)

Now you’re being sulky.

Well, I hope you have room for my fist, because I’m going to ram it into your stomach and break your goddamn spine! (Running Man)

Pssh. You want me and you can’t have me.

You’re one ugly motherfucker. (Predator)

That’s not what you were saying five minutes ago. You want to tap this fine ass.

You’re damaged goods, lady. (True Lies)

And you’re a psycho and a pervert.

I’m not a pervert…I was just looking for Turbo Man doll. (Jingle All The Way)

Awww. You ARE like a little boy. THAT’S who you are deep down inside. A scared little boy who wants his mama.

…I’m afraid and I’m shy. (Conan The Barbarian)

You are so precious!! You should’ve opened up to me sooner. Why are you so guarded?

Oh, there’s a lot of about me you don’t know. (End Of Days)

Well, I want to know more. Do you want to bring this interview back to my room?

Let’s rock n roll. (Twins)