Starring Burnt up Hayden Christensen, Prego Natalie Portman, Scruffy Ewan McGregor, Motherfucker Samuel L Jackson, Darth Ian McDiarmid, Sir Not Appearing In This Picture
Written By: Flannel Lucas
Directed By: Flannel Lucas
The last Star Wars movie is out and people seem to love it. But that’s what they thought about the other ones at first. I felt disappointed the first time, but the second time around was more satisfying for some reason. Maybe I knew what to expect and just enjoyed myself more.
THERE IS SOME SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW SO DON’T READ THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE SPOILED YOU VAGINAS. Blah blah blah, you already know the story so I’ll just go into what I thought of the film. I saw the movie over in Scranton PA for the midnight showing. I had a lot of thoughts brewing in my head on the ride home since it was over an hour. Plus I had to keep my mind awake since it was 4am in the morning and I had to work the next day. But as I was watching the movie, I was just getting this disappointing feeling. The first hour was just bland to me and didn’t have that excitement and jump I was hoping for. The battle on Grievous’ ship wasn’t really exciting and the score was non-existent. It just seemed bland in a lot of places and was very similar to the other prequels. I think Grievous as a character sucked because they didn’t go into anything about him. Does Lucas assume we watched the Clone Wars cartoon to know who the fuck he was? The movie should be a standalone to the cartoon and only be provided as filler, not major plot points. Like why was he coughing and walking like a chicken? Does he have the Robot HIV or something? I only saw season 1 of Clone Wars so I really don’t know and it should have been mentioned in the movie.
It just seemed like a lot of characters weren’t around long and didn’t have any depth to them. Something Lucas has problems with when he’s writing it seems. Hayden Christensen wasn’t as bad this time around but all the acting still seemed flat and wooden. And you can’t forget the cheesy dialogue but the original trilogy had it’s fair share of lame lines too. But I think the reason why the acting is always bad in the prequels is because the filming took place on green screens. But Sin City was in front green screens and the acting was fine. So maybe the problem is with Lucas. I think he wanted to make these movies just solely on showcasing what he can do with special effects. The story and character development took the backseat and that’s one of my major problems with the prequels. Lord of the Rings had great direction, acting, and an excellent story and that’s why I prefer LOTR to Star Wars now. PLUS they went to those locations to shoot stuff, they didn’t do everything in front of a stupid green screen. But they are two difference genres of movies and can’t really get compared.
What else did I have a problem with…Anakin’s turn to the dark side was somewhat abrupt. I don’t really see how he could have done the things he did to go over there so quickly. And it just goes to show you, broads will fuck up your life hahaha. Just kidding of course. I just didn’t care about these characters that much besides Obi-Wan and Yoda and that’s a big problem, when the audience doesn’t give a shit about characters. I just shrugged my shoulders when someone bit the bullet. For the original trilogy, you cared about the characters and most importantly, cared what they were trying to do. I think that’s why people like the original trilogy better because the story is more appealing. The prequels is a bunch of good guys losing their lives, a peaceful republic collapsing, and the bad guys winning. The original trilogy is the good guys winning and restoring peace in the galaxy. It’s just a better story that’s more compelling and likable.
But with all my complaints in the movie, I still enjoyed the hell out of the movie. Like I said above, I liked it a lot better a second time. I was actually getting choked up for some scenes like Yoda saying goodbye to Chewbacca and the very last scene in the movie. The Yoda goodbye scene was very ET-ish haha. I wish they showed more of the Wookies fighting because that was awesome! Wookies are bad ass and I wish Chewbacca was a more prominent figure in the film. I thought Ewan McGregor was great in the film and so was Ian McDiarmid. Ewan McGregor was the one saving grace for the three prequels I think. The big lightsaber battle between the two was freakin’ incredible as well. That was exactly what I was hoping for in that area. Seeing them spin their sabers around their backs fifty times and doing crazy moves was cool!! Plus the Yoda vs. Emperor fight was good but way too short. I like the mixture of Battles of the Heroes and Duel of the Fates songs playing for both fights. Seeing Obi-Wan and Yoda fighting side by side outside the Jedi Temple was super cool too.
Lucas finally tied up some loose ends but there was still a lot that weren’t explained. Like where did the Emperor get the name Vader from, and where did Luke & Leia’s names come from. Did they just pull them out of their asses? How come Luke talks about Dagobah in Empire like he’s been there before? Did Obi-wan make a piss stop along the way before stopping at Tatooine. How come Obi-Wan doesn’t recognize R2D2 on Tatooine in A New Hope? Do all astrodroids look like R2D2 that hold vital information for him? There’s more but I honestly can’t remember.
Yeah let’s sum up this long ass review already. I felt Revenge of the Sith was the best out of the prequels but not as good as the original trilogy. Some think it’s better than Return of the Jedi but Jedi is my favorite out of the six movies. I have lots of reason for that, and yeah I like the Ewoks ok! The movie is still plagued with bad dialogue and cheesy moments but what Star Wars movie doesn’t have those things? There’s lots of sporadic moments I enjoyed for ROTS. I just think it could have been a little bit better. I wanted to come out of this saying “HOLY SHIT, NOW THAT’S A MOVIE!” Something I said for all three Lord of the Rings movies. I just hope when Lucas dies, someone will make Episodes 7-9 since he won’t make them. Though Star Wars will still be around with TV series, cartoons and I’m sure there will be spin off movies.
Favorite Scenes: Anakin vs Obi-wan, Yoda vs Emperor, Wookie battles, seeing the Jedi getting wiped out, Opening Battle sequence, the last 45 minutes was great!
Running Time: 140 minutes